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last u/s with specialist


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
June 7th, 2007, 12:03 PM
jessjillmama's Avatar ***Staying Positive***
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Coushatta, La
Posts: 7,892
Well the good news first. The ultrasound went great! Ava still is showing no signs of Joubert and looks very healthy. She is now 1lb and 13ozs she almost doubled her weight in 4 weeks!! No wonder my belly grew so much! Also I no longer have to go to the specialist because he basically said he sees nothing wrong with her at all. Here are some great pics I got:










okay for the bad news:
Brian and I got in a fight last night, by the way we never fight. I was trying to talk to him and tell him I have been feeling a little sad. He got really mad at me and told me he is so tired of me being the way I am. This was on the way home. So we get home he calls a friend to come over, he then leaves at 11pm at night and doesn't back and of course doesn't let me know anything. He has also done this going out and not coming home thing 4 times now in the past 2 weeks.

He has been really cold all week to me and treating me more like a roommate then a wife. So I guess I knew something was up. So this morning on the way to the appointment (he actually went with me) I try talking to him again. He basically won't say anything though. He says he has nothing to say. So I tell him I know he doesn't love me and is struggling with staying with me. I think he has done this all along since we got together. (this is basically making a long story short)

So I ask him if he wants to leave me, if he wants to be with me or not. He says he doesn't know. ??? I cried all night last night and slept maybe 2 hours. I then cried all morning too. Everytime I think of life as a single mom of two kids one being special needs I freak out. I do love Brian and I want to be with him. I told him that too. But I sure don't want him to stay with me if he doesn't want to be with me.

So now its all up in the air if he wants to leave or not.

I don't know what we are going to do.
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Wife to Brian since October 2004, Mama too:
Jakob (May 12th 2004- Feb. 24th 2009 Had Joubert Syndrome RIP)
2 Baby beans lost
Ava Sept 14th 2007, Beaux Oct 3rd 2012
* Tubal reversal December 17th 2010



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  #2  
June 7th, 2007, 12:35 PM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
First, congrats on such a great u/s of Ava. The pictures are beautiful!

As for Brian, any chance he'd go with you to couples/marital counseling, preferably with someone who understands parenting a special needs child? As you know way better than I, it's extremely stressful (but also rewarding) to be the parent of a special needs child and can be overwhelming to some. Maybe Brian's actions lately are related to that, along with the stress of the pregnancy? I'm not a doc and I don't know Brian, so these are just guesses. If he's willing, I think some counseling might be helpful for you both (perhaps with a minister/pastor, might not be as scary as with a counselor by trade). You've had a lot happen in the last year (raising a special needs toddler, losing a baby, moving to a new house, getting pg). Any ONE of those raises the stress level in a relationship, much less ALL of them in such a short amount of time.

Take a deep breath, give yourself a , and pray about it. I'll keep you in my prayers as well.
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  #3  
June 7th, 2007, 12:45 PM
jessjillmama's Avatar ***Staying Positive***
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Coushatta, La
Posts: 7,892
Thanks sweeite. I am pretty sure he won't go to a counsler because this happened before and he wouldn't go then.

There is a lot more to the story and the way our realtionship started wasn't the best way. Then I got pregnant on accident only 4 months after we met, so I think it made him feel like he had to stay around. Then of course with Jakob's condition even more so. I feel like he is finally telling me the truth on how he feels without really telling me. Maybe pregnancy is opening my eyes to things that have been going on all along.

Also I hate to say this but he isn't a very good father to Jakob at all. He hardly shows him any attention and tends to yell at him a lot. He has gotten better but its been with many fights about how he should disopline Jakob.

I always hope that somehow things would change and he would become a better father as Jake got older.
__________________
Wife to Brian since October 2004, Mama too:
Jakob (May 12th 2004- Feb. 24th 2009 Had Joubert Syndrome RIP)
2 Baby beans lost
Ava Sept 14th 2007, Beaux Oct 3rd 2012
* Tubal reversal December 17th 2010



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  #4  
June 7th, 2007, 01:41 PM
Mom2MacyandDru's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 5,798
Jess I am so sorry that you are having to deal with all of this. I do hope that things get better for you and your family. I know that there is nothing that I can say really to help you b/c I have never been in that situation, but I do hope that you are happy with whatever decision that you make and know that we are all here for you!
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  #5  
June 7th, 2007, 02:43 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 3,603
I am glad your baby is doing well! I am sorry you are going through that stuff with Brian..I really hope you guys can work it out somehow.
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  #6  
June 7th, 2007, 03:49 PM
jennifer97's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Jill, most importantly I am so glad everything is going well with Ava!! She sounds like she is doing very well and growing quickly and will be here before you know it!

However, I am sorry for the problems you are going through with dh!!! My husband and I went though a difficult time in our marriage...and I am sure most marriages have rocky periods!! I hope you find a way to work through the situation with Brian and the two of you can find a way to make a lasting, loving marriage!! I know it is important for your children!!

Whatever the two of you decide, we will be here for you to lean on!! Take care of yourself during this stressful time!!!
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  #7  
June 7th, 2007, 04:12 PM
Spotis's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 4,926
Hugs. I'm so sorry your going through this tough time with Brian. I'm glad to hear that Ava is looking so healthy!

I know you said that you doubt that Brian would go to counseling, but Dear Abby would suggest that you go by yourself if can't get your spouse to join you. Counseling can be very therapeutic, so I too suggest seeking it out for yourself during this difficult time. Maybe in time, he'll join you. I can only imagine how stressful this is for you. Please take care of yourself. Make sure you reach out to family and friends so you have some support. You deserve it.

Your in my thoughts and prayers.
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  #8  
June 8th, 2007, 07:45 AM
lauraec20's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 3,369
I replyed to your post in our DDC but I just wanted to send extra your way!!!!
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  #9  
June 8th, 2007, 09:24 AM
SPinkD's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Oklahoma
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Awe sweetie... I am so sorry you are going through this.
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