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Will the fear ever go away?


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
September 5th, 2005, 07:04 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Illinois
Posts: 5,287
So, I'm pregnant for the second time after a miscarriage in December. We concieved in April, I'm 20 weeks 4 days today. When I got pregnant with this baby, I thought that once I passed the point of where I lost the other one (11 weeks), I'd be ok. I wasn't. Then I thought, once I get into my second trimester, I'll be ok. I still wasn't. Now I'm almost 21 weeks. I've had several docs appointments where I've heard the heartbeat and several unscheduled appointments because I'm so paranoid, every little thing that doesn't "feel right" I call the doc on. I had my ultrasound 4 days ago and we're having a girl. I could see her moving around in there and then when they focused in on the heart, I could see all 4 chambers beating, pumping away. So, you'd think by now I'm reassured. I'm not. I'm still so scared. I'm even more scared now because I know if something goes wrong I'll be completely devastated. I lost the last one before it was really "real" to me. It still hurts. I still cry over it. DH can't even talk about that one or he cries too. But now, I'm so much further with this one and things seem to be going great, it feels like it's almost too good to be true and I'm afraid of that being so. We want this baby so badly, I can't even express in words. I just can't shake this nagging fear that something, anything, will go wrong.....
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  #2  
September 5th, 2005, 07:54 AM
Starstryder's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: JHB, South Africa
Posts: 1,061
I know exactly how you feel, I had a previous m/c as well. It is much better for me now, but it is still a struggle. I don't think it goes away entirely until the baby is born. I think the big thing is that with the first pregnancy you are still very innocent and just excited and then the m/c happens and all that innocence is lost. I know that when we got pregnant with this one I was excited but nothing like the first time and it has taken a lot of time for both Hubby and I to relax.

It gets easier because you can start feeling the baby more and more and it has been my greatest sense of relief. If you can afford it get a doppler and get a nurse to show you how to use it properly, that way you can monitor baby for yourself.

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  #3  
September 8th, 2005, 10:35 AM
Regular
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 1
I still fear of an miscarriage or something will be wrong. I have had two miscarriages prior to this pregancy. I was thinking that maybe I couldn't carry a baby full term. Even though this is the farthest along that I have been I sill worry every now and then. I guess I will be worrying until the doctors place my baby in my arms.
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  #4  
September 9th, 2005, 11:29 PM
*Bry*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 4,643
Quote:
Originally posted by Nick'sValentine@Sep 5 2005, 09:04 AM
So, I'm pregnant for the second time after a miscarriage in December. We concieved in April, I'm 20 weeks 4 days today. When I got pregnant with this baby, I thought that once I passed the point of where I lost the other one (11 weeks), I'd be ok. I wasn't. Then I thought, once I get into my second trimester, I'll be ok. I still wasn't. Now I'm almost 21 weeks. I've had several docs appointments where I've heard the heartbeat and several unscheduled appointments because I'm so paranoid, every little thing that doesn't "feel right" I call the doc on. I had my ultrasound 4 days ago and we're having a girl. I could see her moving around in there and then when they focused in on the heart, I could see all 4 chambers beating, pumping away. So, you'd think by now I'm reassured. I'm not. I'm still so scared. I'm even more scared now because I know if something goes wrong I'll be completely devastated. I lost the last one before it was really "real" to me. It still hurts. I still cry over it. DH can't even talk about that one or he cries too. But now, I'm so much further with this one and things seem to be going great, it feels like it's almost too good to be true and I'm afraid of that being so. We want this baby so badly, I can't even express in words. I just can't shake this nagging fear that something, anything, will go wrong.....
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Hey you...
Jumping in from our Jan. group....
No the fear --I don't think ever goes away...I'm doing the same thing you are!!! Your post made me feel like I wrote it...
I guess all we can do is relax and pray...
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  #5  
September 12th, 2005, 10:10 AM
Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 135
I know exactly what you are feeling. In fact, I still look at the TP everytime I go to the bathroom - out of fear.

Previous to this pregnancy I had 3 concurrent miscarriages. I just hit full-term yesterday and I still can't believe that we are going to have our own child. There was a time when I thought I would never be able to carry a baby to full-term.

Being thankful for each and every small milestone that I've made with this pregnancy has really helped. Also - feel free to continue to grieve for your lost baby - I also still cry for my little angels - and yet can be thankful for this one too.

You are in my prayers.
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  #6  
September 12th, 2005, 09:20 PM
Regular
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 3
i also have had a miscarriage. I am pregnant again and I'm renting a doppler which gives me a big relief. I rented mine from babysheart dot com and they are so helpful. My miscarriage was so hard to go through and now hearing my baby's heartbeat everynight makes me know that its healthy and still alive. It also makes me feel even more closer to it.


Quote:
Originally posted by Nick'sValentine@Sep 5 2005, 09:04 AM
So, I'm pregnant for the second time after a miscarriage in December. We concieved in April, I'm 20 weeks 4 days today. When I got pregnant with this baby, I thought that once I passed the point of where I lost the other one (11 weeks), I'd be ok. I wasn't. Then I thought, once I get into my second trimester, I'll be ok. I still wasn't. Now I'm almost 21 weeks. I've had several docs appointments where I've heard the heartbeat and several unscheduled appointments because I'm so paranoid, every little thing that doesn't "feel right" I call the doc on. I had my ultrasound 4 days ago and we're having a girl. I could see her moving around in there and then when they focused in on the heart, I could see all 4 chambers beating, pumping away. So, you'd think by now I'm reassured. I'm not. I'm still so scared. I'm even more scared now because I know if something goes wrong I'll be completely devastated. I lost the last one before it was really "real" to me. It still hurts. I still cry over it. DH can't even talk about that one or he cries too. But now, I'm so much further with this one and things seem to be going great, it feels like it's almost too good to be true and I'm afraid of that being so. We want this baby so badly, I can't even express in words. I just can't shake this nagging fear that something, anything, will go wrong.....
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  #7  
September 13th, 2005, 08:47 AM
JennL
Guest
Posts: n/a
Congratulations on your little girl! It is amazing how long lasting the effects of m/c stay with you, and I too still find it hard to just relax and enjoy this pregnancy. I also rented a doppler from babyhearts.com, and that honestly has been the only real thing that reassures me. I listen to the baby's heartbeat for a couple of minutes at least once a day and it makes me calmer and more reassured than any of my doc's appt.'s or ultrasounds have so far.

Remember that you've made it over 1/2 way there!! I keep thinking that i'll send back the doppler once I can feel the baby kick, but now i'm not so sure. I think that I may keep it right up until the end just for peace of mind. Maybe you should look into renting one? The one I have is only $20/month - which is nothing compared to the feeling of calm that it provides when you can hear your baby's heart beating away.
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  #8  
September 16th, 2005, 07:20 AM
mom.of.2.boys's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 550
Hey Christina, (Jackie and Serenity) (the jan. girls)

But this is too everyone.

Christina - I also feel like your post was written by me. I had two healthy kids and then two back to back miscarriages - so this pregnancy has been nerve wracking.

And I honestly don't think the worrying EVER ends - never ever again.

It's a complete timeline.......

6 weeks - get a heartbeat - signof relief --then worry

12 weeks - 1st trimester over - sigh of relief - more worry

20 weeks - halfway there - sigh of relief - more worry

30 weeks - baby is viable - sigh of relief - more worry

baby is born - sign of relief - more worry

1st year - total worry about everything - Am I doing this right? - SIDS - Are they eating enough? Are they ontrack with their milestones......more worry

school years - worry about everything - when they walk to there friends house

Then you know the rest -- teenagers and everythign else. I think my parents still worry about me. ANd they will till the day they aren't here anymore.

So from the second you conceive - I don't think the worry ever ends!!!!

I have two and my oldest is 7 1/2 and I still check almost every night at least once to make sure they are breathing (I admit - I'm a little neurotic) but it's a mother thing!!!!! (poor kids when they try to go get their license)


So anyway....my point is that what your going through is COMPLETELY normal. You just have to try to go through life with one day at a time and whatever was meant to be will happen. And enjoy life the most you can. I am trying too but enjoy your pregnancy as much as you can - because one day we won't be pregnant or pregnant ever again and it is truly a miracle.

Sorry this post is so long. But it's nice to be surrounded by such wonderful girls - all experiencing the same ups and downs.

Good Luck Christina - I'll be talking to you anyway back on our Jan board!
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