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Gosh this Anxiety


Forum: Pregnancy and Motherhood After Loss

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  #1  
November 24th, 2007, 06:35 PM
prush02's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 476
Does it ever go away..... I spent the entire week/weekend with my two new nieces. The two nieces that should have the cousin that I miscarried and I just get this sinking hole in my chest whenever I am around them... and then I think something is going to be wrong with this baby too and I will never get my perfect baby! Sorry for the vent, but I always feel so down when I return home, babyless, and they get to coo and laugh over theirs. I just want this feeling to go away. I obsess that something is wrong with my baby....... GO AWAY BAD FEELINGS.

I know I bring them on myself. It is just so hard to deal with a loss..much less the two losses that I have had, and on top of that my inlaws act as if their newest grandbaby is the first. My MIL even asks me questions as if I have never had a child. I just want to scream from the rooftops that MY BABY WAS HERE FOR 5 WEEKS... I CAN"T HELP THAT HE DIED. AND THIS ISN'T MY FIRST BABY, C-SECTION, ETC.......QUIT TREATING ME LIKE I AM A FIRST TIME MOM. Is that too harsh?
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  #2  
November 24th, 2007, 07:36 PM
dinamommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 11,610
Quote:
Does it ever go away..... I spent the entire week/weekend with my two new nieces. The two nieces that should have the cousin that I miscarried and I just get this sinking hole in my chest whenever I am around them... and then I think something is going to be wrong with this baby too and I will never get my perfect baby! Sorry for the vent, but I always feel so down when I return home, babyless, and they get to coo and laugh over theirs. I just want this feeling to go away. I obsess that something is wrong with my baby....... GO AWAY BAD FEELINGS.

I know I bring them on myself. It is just so hard to deal with a loss..much less the two losses that I have had, and on top of that my inlaws act as if their newest grandbaby is the first. My MIL even asks me questions as if I have never had a child. I just want to scream from the rooftops that MY BABY WAS HERE FOR 5 WEEKS... I CAN"T HELP THAT HE DIED. AND THIS ISN'T MY FIRST BABY, C-SECTION, ETC.......QUIT TREATING ME LIKE I AM A FIRST TIME MOM. Is that too harsh?[/b]
No. It's not too harsh at all. No one ever brings up my m/c either in my or my husband's family either. I think it makes them uncomfortable to talk about it. You have every right to feel hurt. They haven't forgotten your babies. They just probably think it's better to not bring it up to you. I think it's a really common misconception. It doesn't make it right by any means....they just don't know better, I'm sure.

I can't wait to you have your little Max and can see that he's doing just great and will be a healthy baby. It's not too much longer and you will have him to love and cuddle all you want. Big hugs to you.
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  #3  
November 25th, 2007, 01:24 AM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,619
((Hugs)) don't apologise for venting!!! What you're going through must be EXTREMELY hard! I know that it was hard for me, and I had my two losses prior to my pregnancy with Gaby, in the first trimester...

we're all here for you!
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  #4  
November 25th, 2007, 11:08 AM
Doodle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Orlando-ish Florida
Posts: 10,919
Your feelings are very valid and you may need to sit down with them and point out how they make this hurt even deeper when they disregard your baby's life, how ever short it may have been. They may be doing it as a way to protect their own feelings or maybe in some twisted way, thinking that it helps you to pretend it never happened. Talking about it may help. Actually I would probably make my husband discuss it with them first because it may cause embarrassment, they might not even realize how they are acting.
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  #5  
November 25th, 2007, 07:05 PM
Stayhert's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 159
I am going through something similar. What everyone keeps telling me: "oh I just know it is different this time!" I wish they would stop. I can barely breathe. My first OB appt is Thursday and I don't know how I am going to get through the next 3 days. My DH and I bought a heart beat monitor and UPS left one of those "we tried" to deliver notes on my door. I called them up to scream and yell for them not leaving it....I wasn't very nice on the phone...oops! We don't have it yet, but it probably won't even work yet anyway, but I am desperate for any piece of mind!

Girlie, thank you for venting! I like to know I am not alone in constantly thinking, comparing, and worrying!
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  #6  
November 26th, 2007, 10:24 AM
Sabina's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,657
I don't think the worrying ever goes away. I have dreams that something goes wrong during delivery or they find something during an u/s. I have had four u/s already I should be fine! I just can't help thinking something will take away this happiness just like last time. I know you have been really stressed and I just can't wait to see you holding your new baby in your arms. I won't even tell you to try to relax because I hate it when people say that to me. Just try to get through one more month. Think of this way - you got through eight months some how, what's one more? You can do this. I know you can.
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  #7  
November 26th, 2007, 10:37 AM
prush02's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 476
Thanks girls... I feel better today. I just seem to get really low after being around my nieces. I am just ready for Max to get here safely. Some days I want to just run screaming into the office to take him out now, but I know he needs to be in there a bit longer and plus they would probably put me in a looney bin! Thanks for being there!
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