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Today is the due date of my first baby who I lost in June. I was fine with it until last night. At first I thought I was just disappointed because Christmas is over and I really don't have a lot to look forward to for a while and then I realized why I am really sad. I thought that since I'm pregnant that I wouldn't have to deal with any grief over my lost baby but I was wrong and I almost feel some resentment for the baby that I'm carrying now. I love her so much, don't get me wrong, but I feel like she is in the wrong place at the wrong time. And feeling those feelings is making me feel even worse. I feel like nobody remembers I should be 9 months pregnant and possibly in the hospital having my baby. My husband didn't even remember. I feel so alone dealing with this.
You certainly aren't alone in this hun. When I reached my EDD for my 2nd angel, while I was pregnant with Gaby, I felt REALLY strange. I felt.. not 'angry', but just sad I guess, that my 2nd angel wasn't with me, but Gaby was... I think it's all a natural part of grieving, and it doesn't make ANY of us a bad person!
I think we all have these feelings at one point or another. Over the holidays we saw DH's cousin that was pg the same time as I was with Hannah. We had the same due date. It was so hard to hold her baby at four months and think "we should be holding our own baby" I actually had someone say to me when I talking about missing Hannah "You should be thankful for what you have been given" I am very thankful for the baby I have now however it doesn't make losing my baby hurt any less. I think unless you are in the situation it is hard to understand. I hope you know that you are not alone. We are all here for you.
Hey girl....you are not alone. I've been feeling a bit blue myself. Just can't get it out of my mind that I should be celebrating the 1st b-day of my baby instead of pg with #2. We weren't really planning on having more so it feels a little strange to be making all these plans for this baby when the thought of Annika lingers in my mind.
I know we didn't decide to have this baby to replace her but I still get that weird feeling that we wouldn't be having her if we hadn't lost Annika.