Ready? Squint.
*Do not mention on Facebook*
*Do not mention on Facebook*
I got my BFN for my trigger 2 days ago on my Wondfos, and yesterday and today, I've gotten very faint positives. It's hard to tell, but a couple of my TTCAL girls have been doing some work on the "progression" pics and we're able to tell that, yes, they are getting darker, even though they're still barely visible.
It's just impossible for me to believe that after all this time and so much trauma, that I would be pregnant after my very first medicated cycle. Of course I am happy. I have my moments when I smile, picture the future... But right now I just can't truly believe it's our turn. I can't believe it could be THIS SIMPLE. Meds? That's all I needed? I tried for 13 months for Drew, and I get knocked up my first medicated cycle? No way. NO WAY. My luck doesn't work like that. This HAS to be a chemical or early miscarriage in the making. At the same time, I am trying to be positive and bring myself to believe it. My doctor's appointment is Jan. 3, but I may try and be seen sooner so I can get the beta ball rolling. Maybe when I see the numbers? Maybe when the line gets darker? Maybe when I see a heartbeat? Who knows, but for now, it's a mixture of happiness and disbelief.
So if you have any sticky dust to spare, the wee one and I sure could use a smidge.
UPDATE:
Christmas eve the line was almost gone, and Christmas morning it was gone. I'm ok. Well I mean, relatively so. I should have known a Christmas BFP was too good to be true. I'm hopeful the reason it didn't work out was because of all the problems I was having before I started the Clomid (bleeding for 6 weeks) and that my body just wasn't up to it this time, but will be next time. We've found a regimen that seems to work for me. I don't know how my other ovary will do this upcoming cycle, so I can't say I'm confident about it, but I feel like within the next couple cycles, I'll have my sticky BFP. I'm not as sad about this one as the last one, mainly because I'm convinced we won't be waiting another 7-13 mos for our next BFP. The Clomid/Estradiol/Ovidrel/Progesterone regimen gives me hope that our next one will be right around the corner. A September baby would have been perfect, but I'll take another October one if that's what's meant to be
So, on to next cycle. AF isn't here yet, but should be within the next few days, then "once again into the breach." If absolutely nothing else, this gave me the gift of hope for Christmas. Would have rather had the gift of a healthy pregnancy, but hey, I guess beggars can't be choosers.
I'm okay. Seriously. I have hope now.
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I am literally in a state of disbelief. (update in original post)
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