Whose Responsibility Is It...

Mjon912 · #1 July 25th, 2011, 04:10 PM

To take the baby around family... Hayden has bad separation anxiety because she's always with me... So yesterday my bfs mom just shows up at my house and she's like if you want I can watch her if you guys want to go out... Mind you Hayden refuses to go to her and screams and cries when she tries to hold her... So I told my bf privately that I'd love his mom to watch her sometimes but I'm not comfortable shipping her off when I know all she's going to do is cry... I told him that if he wants his family to be able to watch her he needs to start taking her to his moms house like once a week for 45 mins/ an hour so she can get used to being there, used to being with his mom, used to being away from me and used to being with him when I'm not around.... He's going to tell me that he shouldn't have to, I should take her since I'm not working

Just to give a lil back history, we've been dating 5.5 years, for 5 years out of our relationship I barely saw his mom, maybe a few times a year... No problems or anything we just don't have that kind of relationship... Plus he never ever wants to go to her house because it's boring lol.. No cable and no Internet... My thing is, I don't have that relationship with her and I'm fine with the way our relationship is, if I were back home in NYC ( we live in va) I would go to my parents house just to spend time with them regardless if it's boring or not, him taking her for an hour or so a week benefits everyone.

So anyway... I'm starting to ramble... I would like honest opinions, she it be my responsibility to take Hayden to his moms just because I'm not working because I think it's not and I just want to make sure I'm not crazy for thinking that =)

austinmommy3 · #2 July 26th, 2011, 07:26 AM

I don't have to deal with that issue now, but when I lived in MO, my ex-husband would take Abbi to his parent's home. It served no purpose if I always went along because all she would want to do is sit with me and not go to them. So he would take her once a week for an hour and she got better with them. She is now 5 1/2 and they watch her two days a week when she is visiting him. I think she tolerates her grandmother (don't blame her there!) but adores her grandfather and they go fishing every single Friday while she is in MO. I think your BF should take initiative and take her over without you, who cares if it's boring there. He's not going all day and it's not all about him.

Cibershay · #3 July 26th, 2011, 07:34 AM

I think its his job. It is his family. Maybe flip it around on him and say if it were my mother would you be taking her over there once a week without me? Hell no he wouldn't so why should he expect you to take her over to his mom's just because you aren't working outside the home? He gets to leave and be with adults all day and when his 8 hours are over he gets to come home and relax. YOU get to work 24/7 with no sick days no vacation and a never ending list of things to do. I say if he wants you guys to be able to go out and leave the kid with his mom, then he needs to establish the relationship not you. In my house we have definite boundaries that have worked for us. His family...he gets to deal with it...my family...I get to deal with it.

martilynne · #4 July 26th, 2011, 07:37 AM

Your BF should take her over there. I take Jax to my parents' to spend time them, I don't expect DH to since they are my parents.

*Maddie&Jacobs*Mommy* · #5 July 26th, 2011, 08:06 AM

I would say it's his responsibility.... I wouldn't expect DH to take our kids to my Mom's house without me (he would if he was invited to dinner or something and I had other plans) but I wouldn't expect him to... and he wouldn't expect me to with his parents either.......

Smashie · #6 July 26th, 2011, 08:26 AM

My family is my responsibility and DH's family is his. And I agree with Staci who said your BF needs to get over the fact that it's boring and realize that this is not all about him.

I sympathize with you, though. Separation anxiety is tough. I think my DH's sister and husband have been upset about the fact that Hunter doesn't want to go to them. Serves them right for never babysitting.

Mjon912 · #7 July 26th, 2011, 10:28 AM

Thank you ladies, he had me second guessing myself for a quick second... He even threw the marriage card in there 'how do I expect it to be when were married? That will be my family in law and everything shouldn't always be seperated' I just said we'll see which is what I say when I'm just like whatever lol

austinmommy3 · #8 July 26th, 2011, 10:53 AM

Ha! When you get married does not automatically require you to run her over to his mom's house! It's still his family! I hardly went to my in-laws without my ex-husband.
Now I do spend extra time with Chris's family in Philly with the kids, but he can't always stay a terribly long time from work, and I enjoy some of his family members a lot and some of them we only get to see once a year.

Adrienne214 · #9 July 26th, 2011, 11:02 AM

I say it's his responsibility too. I tried taking my girls over to DH's side of the family and it did not end up working out at all. Long story short, I've decided that if the in-laws want a relationship with my kids, they better start with a relationship with DH. I'll come along, but don't want to be the main facilitator of stuff with his side of the family.

Plus I do all the stuff with my side of the family, he wouldn't go over there without me.