[jjc99]

all of you know (or most of you - whoever is on FB) about the recent situation with Vivien. Today is my first day back at work since then. She's with a former co-worker/friend who I trust very very much. Viv being with her is not the problem.

I think I'm starting to go through a new stage of grief or whatever. i posted a great picture of Viv on my FB where she's got a huge smile and is obviously very happy. I think she was squealing when I took the pic. Now, whenever I see it, I almost want to cry. I get sad. Because I see this gorgeous little girl who is as innocent and pure as rain with amazing eyes and a smile that can warm the coldest of people... and I think of what happened to her. The scars she will probably have on her back because of what happened. (at least for a little while.) The pain she must have gone through.

Now i'm getting mad. Before, I think I was just in shock or numb or whatever. You all got sooooo angry for me and Viv. Now, i think I'm starting to get the anger/rage building up.

all of this, because I posted a picture I took a week+ ago.

God, this is all so hard.

[Mama2Miracles]

I think it was completely normal you were in shock at first, you just needed to get through the steps to make sure your baby was ok. Now, it's all sinking in. ((HUGS))

[angeleyes04]

Oh Jen, I am so very sorry. You have every right in the whole wide world to feel this way. You should be angry, cry, scream, and feel like you want to lose your mind. Thankfully Viv is so young that she won't remember any of this. It will take time but I know you can move past this too. You may never forgive that woman for what happened, but there will be 100,000 more smiles from Viv in her lifetime that will make you forget that she ever felt pain.

Until then *big hugs* from me and the M & M twins (even Olivia wants in on the cyber-hug action). We are here for you always.

[austinmommy3]

I would have been in shock too, that's why the rest of us are here, to do the anger part for you, until you make sure Viv is okay. It's when you relax that it sinks in, hell. Chris is still pissed and just keeps stating what we all have, no way she didn't scream. Hug momma, thankfully Viv won't remember and it will heal.

[zkat]

It's only natural, Jen. Big hugs to you and Vivie! Direct your anger/grief appropriately and quit defending Olivia, whether intentional or not, she is the reason you, Chris and Vivie are going through this right now. She neglected to keep a close eye on your sweet baby girl. My chris still refuses to look at the pictures. He said it is too hard.

You know I love you guys and the others are right - you will have many, many more smiles from Vivian and hopefully no other babies will be hurt while in Olivia's care.

PS - Did you get the link to the Elvis costume I posted on your wall for V?

Kat.

[Cibershay]

I'm not on FB so I don't know what happened. But I will agree with PP who said she probably wont remember it. Kids are very resilient. They overcome so much. She has amazing parents who love her. She will be amazing because of you guys.

[stiritup]

Oh jen I'm sorry houses feeling this way. I've not been in a situation even remotely close to this, but I can only imagine all of the emotions going through your head. I agree with Lindsay. It would be a distant (although never forgotten) memory someday for you & viv won't even have that. Huge hugs from the entire stiritup family, including Paul.

Originally Posted by angeleyes04

Oh Jen, I am so very sorry. You have every right in the whole wide world to feel this way. You should be angry, cry, scream, and feel like you want to lose your mind. Thankfully Viv is so young that she won't remember any of this. It will take time but I know you can move past this too. You may never forgive that woman for what happened, but there will be 100,000 more smiles from Viv in her lifetime that will make you forget that she ever felt pain.

Until then *big hugs* from me and the M & M twins (even Olivia wants in on the cyber-hug action). We are here for you always.

I don't think I could have said it better. You are loved and so is Viv! xo

[tgc219]

Big hugs, Jen!

[BigGrin]

This is completely natural for you to go through this. The shock is wearing off and now that Viv is safe, you can finally feel the emotions necessary to heal. Luckily Viv won't remember this but will only remember the love and safety she feels with her parents. Big hugs luv.

[Nikki.]

[jjc99]

Thank you all!! This whole situation has just sucked monkey butts. (I have to remember this is JM, not FB! lol) i know she will never remember it, and it will be a faded memory, eventually. I think it is the reality that is hitting me now. Like I told my boss, when it all went down, I guess I went into "mom" mode and pointed all my energy to Vivien and making sure she was ok. Saw the Dr, talked to the CPS people, etc. Now that the dust has settled, it's really starting to sink in what has happened, what it means, etc.

I'm not defending Olivia anymore. (or whatever it was I was doing). I'm not seeking legal council or anything like that (but starting to wonder if I should...if it's worth it, etc). Really - why don't we have a lawyer in our mix?? lol

And Kat - yet, I saw the link. Sorry I didn't respond. I think I was on my phone when I saw it. That's AWESOME. I might have to get that for Vivien. I only have a few years where I can dress her how *I* want to.

[KDD]

I think you responded very rationally at the time while the rest of us were ready to head over there with torches and pitchforks. Personally I think you should let it go and move on. The longer you drag it out the more painful (for you) it will be.

[*Maddie&Jacobs*Mommy*]

I would have so been in shock, too. You have handled this whole situation so professionally and with a level head. I really admire you for that, I never would have been able to! I think it's only natural that it's all catching up with you.... You're a GREAT Momma!

[LoLo'sMama]

I'm so sorry mama. I think about Viv and you a lot, it's hard for me to see that picture of her too. We all love you guys so much and you are like our sister. So, hell yeah, we were, and still are, pissed that it happened and saddened that you are going through this hell. I wouldn't be able to let it go, I would want to do what I could to make sure no other kids ever get watched by that woman. I know she isn't the DEVIL (even though I called her that) but she shouldn't have the privilege of caring for young people anymore. Period. We will do whatever we can to support you throughout this process, no matter what choices you make moving forward. XOXO

[melrose09]

I don't know the details, but I think I've gotten the gist of what went down and I don't think it's something that you'll ever get "over" but you will move past it. It'll be a process and I think you are amazingly strong. I'm sending you the biggest hug in the world!

[617ebony]

I'm terribly sorry about what you Vivian and your family are going through right now.

[martilynne]

I deserve to feel the way you do. I think you have dealt with everything as well as anyone could.

And for the record, we really do need a resident lawyer around here.