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Cesarean Section Grief

A board for members whose cesarean section experience was not a positive one.

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  #1  
April 5th, 2010, 10:26 AM
WhoaMomma!'s Avatar Danielle
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 8,446
Anyone else out there dealing with c/s grief? I'm almost 8 months out from mine and still having major issues. My anger and sadness and sense of loss have almost destroyed my marriage Can anyone else relate?
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  #2  
April 5th, 2010, 04:26 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 4,028
Hi Danielle! I am Beth and after more than a day after my induction started, we had to have an emergency c/s because something went horribly wrong and oops, I stopped breathing. My poor DH got thrown out of the room and had to stand in the hallway, watching as people ran into my room responding to a Code Blue.
Glad Emma added this subforum.
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  #3  
April 5th, 2010, 07:08 PM
WhoaMomma!'s Avatar Danielle
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 8,446
Hi Beth! That is horrible Do they know what caused it? I didn't even realize respiratory arrest was a potential complication of induction. My ER cs was also an induction turned nightmare. In short my uterus hyperstimulated and there was concern of a rupture resulting. My bp plummeted and my body shut off blood flow to the uterine artery bc it thought I was hemorrhaging so my dd didn't get oxygen. Her HR slowed until you could count the seconds between beats while they were rushing me to the OR. It was very traumatic Were you conscious for the delivery?
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  #4  
April 5th, 2010, 08:02 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 4,028
It sounds as though both of us had horrid experiences. I have gaps in my memory from being unconscious just before, during and for a while after Katie was born. From the time I entered the hospital for the induction until the time that things went horribly wrong was something over 24 hours and when they finally realized my DD was not going to come out on her own, the doctor and I agreed to an epidural so he could do a c/s. It was supposed to be a numb my lower body so Katie could come out. DH was going to cut the cord and be right with me the entire time, giving me play by play and sharing the tears as we got our first glimpse at our beautiful little girl. The first needle stick punctured the spinal column causing fluid to leak out (which later caused spinal headaches that had to be remedied with a blood patch) and the second needle stick was lower and went into as it was supposed to, but some of the medication leaked into the spinal fluid and ended up stopping my breathing. They asked me once if I was okay and I answered, then they asked again and I didn't say anything. I feel robbed being able to look at my daughter from the moment she was born, I feel angry that I have had to deal with spinal headaches, high blood pressure, back aches (caused by the epidural), PPD and it has robbed DH and I of a sex life.
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  #5  
April 6th, 2010, 03:01 AM
WhoaMomma!'s Avatar Danielle
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 8,446
Yeah. Our sex life is nonexistent too. Five times in 8 months he tells me. But in my case it isn't bc there's anything physically wrong with me. I hate my scar. I hate it so much that I hardly ever look at it. I have to wear a shirt when we have sex bc being reminded of the scar zaps my interest. Several times we will try to have sex and as soon as he accidentally brushes it or my shirt rides up a little I have to stop. It's pathetic and it makes us both angry (for different reasons) but any reminder of it makes me feel like not a woman, not attractive, and I'm just totally repulsed by my own body. I don't know if that makes any sense.

are you still having headaches and backpain?
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  #6  
April 6th, 2010, 07:50 AM
TheOtherMichelle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 8,765
I'm so sorry that it has been difficult for you guys.

It wasn't as difficult for me, possibly because I wasn't coerced into an induction. I did all the "right" things but dd was in a funky position and the labor was traumatic on its own, so I have those issues to deal with. I never felt repulsed by the scar (or at least not very strong) but I know other women have. Try going to the birth trauma site at mothering .com... there are lots of women there with all kinds of experiences (vaginal, c/s, loss, etc) and it's pretty supportive overall. I'll try to get some more people to head over this way. I think the fact that it's in the regular c/s forum will be a turn off, but it's better to have one for c/s grief than not!

ETA: taking a Birthing From Within class or buying the book and doing the exercises may be helpful, too. Birthing From Within
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  #7  
April 6th, 2010, 09:09 AM
WhoaMomma!'s Avatar Danielle
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 8,446
Hmmm. I have the book and started reading it while I was pg. I didn't like it Too ..... touchy feely? for me. Maybe I should give it another look though....

We are also opening up a birth trauma subforum in the labor and childbirth board for anyone dissatisfied with their birth. But it won't be just c/s - which is a nice feature about this one.
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  #8  
April 12th, 2010, 05:45 PM
hannah79's Avatar A little bit wicked
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: North Texas
Posts: 1,024
Ladies, I just want to offer condolences on your experiences. I realize that not everyone has ideal birth experiences, particularly with c/s, but I didn't realize the extremety and how far reaching it went into your lives.
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  #9  
April 15th, 2010, 06:33 AM
TheOtherMichelle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Posts: 8,765
Quote:
Originally Posted by hannah79 View Post
Ladies, I just want to offer condolences on your experiences. I realize that not everyone has ideal birth experiences, particularly with c/s, but I didn't realize the extremety and how far reaching it went into your lives.
Thank you
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  #10  
April 15th, 2010, 08:52 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: NE MS
Posts: 9,509
I'm Kim and I am 39 and had a c-section in 2008 (my first c-section) and I had a VERY hard time dealing with it for a VERY long time.

I now know I had ppd but didn't get help until a few months after my husband was deployed to Iraq.By this time my sone was already a year old.I thought that it would get better and finally I go tired of crying at the drop of a hat and got tired of not wanting to get out and go anywhere.A friend of mine made me realize that I needed to call the doctor and that asking for help was ok.

Things are much better now but it still hurts to think about the c-section because I still feel "cheated" because DH got to hold our son first and while I was in recovery everyone got to look at my beautiful son.And I don't remember much about the first 24 hours because I was so drugged.
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  #11  
April 22nd, 2010, 07:33 AM
Micksbabe's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,347
I agree with everyone. It has been 4 months for me and I still feel like I could have done something different and had a different outcome (even though I know nothing could have changed the fact that I needed a c/s because the baby was sideways). It hurts even more that I have 5 friends that are pregnant and none of them have had to have a c/s. I feel alone sometimes like people just don't understand.

I was planning a natural birth and really wanted to experience everything so I feel robbed and cheated. I at least have the hope that I can attempt a VBAC and I have my doctors okay to try for a vaginal birth and I am hoping that can heal some of my emotions
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  #12  
July 28th, 2010, 12:27 PM
*MomofO&Nat*'s Avatar Kelly, Massachusetts Mama
Join Date: May 2009
Location: In the 'burbs of Boston, MA
Posts: 2,519
I still struggle a lot with anger about how my son's birth in 2008 went. I went in planning for a natural labor and came out with a big scar, a nearly 4 month recovery and a lot of emotional trauma. Owen's heart rate dropped rapidly 3 times about 5 hours into labor. After the 3rd time, they decided to "take him" as they put it. Before I knew it, I was rushed in to surgery and didn't have a moment to grasp what had happened. Don't get me wrong, I was thankful he was ok and I guess either way, I got my beautiful boy but it still was not what I wanted or planned and I felt cheated. I also felt jealous of my friends who had natural labor which I am ashamed to admit out loud. Now I am due in 7 weeks with #2, and I cannot have a VBAC. I wake up at night after having nightmares about this looming C-section. I know a planned C might go smoother, but I don't want it (if it were my choice) and I dread the pain and not being able to hold my baby right away (last time, it took 2 hours and everyone else got to hold him first). I am glad there are others here who understand how much a 'simple surgery' can mess with your head. I thought 2 years would ease the sting a bit, but as we get closer to my due date, I get more and more anxious. Thanks for listening.
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  #13  
August 29th, 2010, 08:39 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 1
I am new here and feel so compelled to post. I know that everyone's story is quite different but we all deal with what we are dealt. A few years ago I gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy. However, during the scheduled CS he was injured by the scalpel, I was assured by my doctor that it was a superficial laceration, 8 days later our baby boy developed an infection and went home to the Lord. I am sadden when I see the grief people express over the scar or missing out on the birthing experience, I do feel compassionate for everyones feelings. But when I look at my scar I see what I no longer have...I wish that I could look at my scar and embrace my sweet loving son once again. God Bless everyone and hold your precious babies closely.
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