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Does it go away?


Cesarean Section Grief

A board for members whose cesarean section experience was not a positive one.

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  #1  
October 22nd, 2011, 04:28 PM
lil_fishy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 1,160
This feeling of failure and unrest... I feel like I having a c/s has made to lose a part of me. I don't know what to do to make it go away. I get really angry at people that have vaginal births and when someone I know has a baby vaginally, I cry. I wanted that to be me. I feel so lost. I think DH just thinks these feelings will go away and I will be happy to have another c/s with the next baby. I just want this angry and sadness to go away... does it go away??
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  #2  
October 23rd, 2011, 11:22 AM
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I'm doing a lot better now than I was at only 4 months postpartum. I had some serious blues, moodiness, crying a lot, feeling like a failure, etc. In retrospect, it might have been some postpartum depression that I never saw anyone about. Or maybe it was just coming to grips with my c-section. I have a very supportive husband and he helped me get through it, plus time made it better. (I can definitely relate to the anger too - my sister-in-law had her baby 5 months after I did, and some part of me wanted her to have a c-section too. I am very glad that she didn't, that she stood up to the doctors who were pushing for interventions and got her natural birth, but I can definitely relate to your feelings.) I am still scared about a next pregnancy, but I've done research on VBAC and want to find a doctor or midwife who does them often. Could that be an option for you? I think just doing the research might have been part of my healing process.

So yes, it goes away, or at least it did for me. And when you feel like people in real life don't realize what a huge deal your c-section was, this board is a great place.
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  #3  
October 23rd, 2011, 12:06 PM
OurSweetLabs's Avatar I LOVE My Boys!!
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I don't have any advice but I wanted to send you some (((HUGS)))
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  #4  
October 23rd, 2011, 05:06 PM
lil_fishy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Minnesota
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishgirl View Post
I am still scared about a next pregnancy, but I've done research on VBAC and want to find a doctor or midwife who does them often. Could that be an option for you? I think just doing the research might have been part of my healing process.

So yes, it goes away, or at least it did for me. And when you feel like people in real life don't realize what a huge deal your c-section was, this board is a great place.
It is good to have hope that it goes away. I wish that I had more people in my life that understood what I am going through. It seems like everyone thinks I am just overreacting. It sucks.

I have become obsessed with having a vbac... unfortunately this has caused some issues. DH says there is not way I am having a baby not in a hospital and I want to have another in a birth center. I read about vbac's everyday and am worried that I will never get one. I am terrified of getting pregnant, but a part of me wants to be pregnant... I want to try again, but I don't want to risk ending up with a c-section.

I am happy this board is here.
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  #5  
October 24th, 2011, 05:12 PM
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You sound just like I did. And I am a lot less upset and obsessed with VBAC now than I was. I imagine I will be upset again when I get pregnant again and the reality of having another baby hits me, but I am feeling better now than I was, and getting educated about VBAC was part of it.
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  #6  
December 13th, 2011, 04:43 PM
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I am 5 months pp. I still have a big feeling of failure. I stopped talking about the birth for the most part. I know my feelings are more muted than they were at birth but they are still there for me.

I am determined to have a VBAC next time around. I have to find a different midwife and we have both decided we are going to a different hospital next time around.

HUGS!
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  #7  
December 26th, 2011, 07:34 PM
MauMama's Avatar formerly La_Sirena
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Aotearoa
Posts: 317
To be honest, it's almost 6.5 years later and I still get overwhelming moments of grief. But I think it was because I really forced myself to NOT grieve and chiding myself for being upset over something I had so little control over.

Once I accepted that it hurt me and I started to accept and grieve openly my feelings it got better.

But yes, I still get moments where I'm like: WHAT THE HELL DID THEY DO TO ME?!

I was very, very scared in my twin pregnancy and it ended in 3 D&Cs. I am more scared now than ever given what my uterus went through.

But, I know that I have the POWER to CHOOSE who will be with me and be my care vs being given someone and not having any choice. Moving away from the place really helped as it had very poor care and a very, very high c/s rate.

I think finding someone with a very homebirth mentality who will deliver in a birth center or hospital might be the way to go, so you get the lack of intervention with the care and support of a full staff.

Hugs. Some women bounce back and some don't. There is no shame in being someone who is full of sorrow and grief. Just learn to grieve safely and actively.
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  #8  
February 3rd, 2012, 05:36 PM
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Location: NE MS
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It has been a long time since I posted here and I know how you are feeling.

Feb.29th will be 4 years since I had my son via c-section.
I was angry,hurt,resentful,felt like I was cheated and robbed.I did not get to hold my baby or see him for 3 or 4 hours while I was in recovery.When I did finally get to see him and hold him I was so out of it from all the drugs that I don't remember much other than I was afraid I would drop him so my husband and daughter held him and fed him.

I struggled with it for over a year.When my husband deployed just after our son just turned 1 I still struggled.I finally talked to my nurse and Obgyn and he gave me an rx for lexapro which helped me deal with everything.

I still get sad if I dwell on it so I try not to think about that part.I just remind myself that I have my sweet little boy and that we are ok.

HUGS
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  #9  
February 23rd, 2012, 09:57 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 28,159
I also haven't been in here in along time. I had DS1 via emergency c/s in 2006 and it bothered me for 4+ years. I couldn't even imagine a vbac since I have cpd, but my repeat c/s for Joey in July 2011 is when I finally felt healed from the first one. It was booked, I was prepared, my spinal worked and I didn't need any sedation. It was perfect. I was really afraid before it, but the second c/s was such a great experience (same hospital diff anes), I can look back now and look at the outcome vs the experience, if that makes any sense. My first c/s was brutal, but my 2nd was amazing-and recovery was so much better, too. There's hope
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  #10  
September 3rd, 2012, 07:45 PM
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It has gotten easier for me with time, but perhaps the other things I have went through since the arrival of my DD have played a part in my healing as well.
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  #11  
April 14th, 2014, 11:30 AM
Dee
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,567
Quote:
Originally Posted by MauMama View Post
Some women bounce back and some don't. There is no shame in being someone who is full of sorrow and grief. Just learn to grieve safely and actively.
I know this post is really old, but I just read through, and wanted to repost this for anyone else who might be scrolling through. This is really, really good advice, for whatever might have gone wrong with pregnancy/delivery/etc. I'm glad to have read it today.
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