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What do you grieve?


Broken heart - not broken Woman

A place to share stories of grief about your birth. Whether you had a c-section or a vaginal birth, doesn't matter. This is a place for ALL grieving moms to support each other.

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  #21  
August 26th, 2010, 02:53 PM
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I didn't even realize there was a thread like this. Totally adding my own awful experience with my firstborn:

I was induced 10 days after my due date, everything went just fine until my doctor came in to break my water, she was so rough there was bleeding with every single thing she did. My husband was horrified at the amount of blood everywhere: on the bed, the floor, me... My doctor had zero bedside manner, in fact, she watched television while I pushed. My nurse was a witch, too; the two of them played off each other. It was a nightmare. Both of them told me not to make any noise when I pushed (which by the way had to be done 100% by myself as the contractions had stopped in spite of my nurse constantly squeezing the pitocin bag). When my daughter was crowning the nurse decided to play with the curls on top of her head (yes, while she's still inside me). My doctor did two episiotomies. After her head was delivered my doctor yanked on it to try to get the rest of her out. She was laid on my stomach, fully covered in blood and not moving. She had respiratory distress and had to be rushed to the NICU after 10+ doctors came in and no one told me what was going on. My doctor also yanked hard on the umbilical cord to deliver the placenta. Another of her patients was delivering across the hall without her and I think she resented me. Afterward I had some bleeding and they had no idea where it was coming from; my doc plarooted around in there and was incredibly rough. She finally gave up and left, after which a wonderful doctor came in and was as gentle as could be, found out my doc had severed a large artery, and stitched it up... All in all I was in the delivery room for 26 hours. My daughter ended up being in the NICU for 2 days. I still contemplate suing my psycho doctor. The woman supposedly had been doing this for 23+ years; silly me, I thought she'd be a pro. And this was in New York City. Just goes to show that idiocy happens anywhere.
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  #22  
August 27th, 2010, 09:10 AM
*Candi*'s Avatar Candi
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oh wow Thats a horrible experience! I'm sorry That dr deserves to have her license revoked!
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  #23  
October 21st, 2010, 02:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kittyshaye View Post
Not getting to hear their first cries.

That this may be our last babies because I now have a terrible mistrust of Doctors. I'd go to a midwife, but now I have had 2 c-sections and I'm not sure a midwife would do a vbac with me
A friend of mine just had a successful vbac after having 2 c-sections, the last of which was barely a year ago. It is all about finding the right provider.


The only thing that I mourn is that I did not and will not ever just get to go into labor. I have to be induced because of medical reasons, serious medical reasons. I know that there is nothing that will ever change that and I deal with it and move on. I am blessed to be able to have children period.
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  #24  
October 21st, 2010, 02:57 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Maggi: Your story absolutely brought me to tears. You were battered! There's no need to treat anyone like that! I am appalled at the horrifying details of your birth and I wish I Could just scoop you in my arms and give you a huge hug.

Please stop by and vent anytime you need to. My heart goes out to you
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December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #25  
October 22nd, 2010, 11:53 AM
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I generally post my stuff on the c/s board, but I grieve that I was not able to hold Katie when she was first born. I grieve that I lost those first moments of her being out in the world because I had a breathing tube down my throat and I was unconscious (thanks to something going awry with the epidural). I grieve not being a great mommy to Katie during that first week because I was still suffering from spinal headaches. There are more things that I could add but these are the main ones.
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  #26  
October 22nd, 2010, 12:03 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hi Beth it's great to see you here. I didnt know you had those kind of complications with Katie's birth

How are you handling things now? Katie is simply gorgeous and I know you're a great mom. Please stick around
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Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #27  
October 28th, 2010, 07:15 PM
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Mike (DH) and I decided to let Katie be an only child because the experience scared us enough that we don't want to risk Katie ending up motherless.
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  #28  
October 28th, 2010, 08:10 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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wow I am so sorry you had such a horrible experience. You were trying for a natural birth too, right? Did you have any PPD? I definitely think I had PPD but I refused to acknowledge it
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December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #29  
October 31st, 2010, 11:05 AM
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I had PPD but it was fairly mild I suppose since I only had to have one round (28 days) of meds to get me back on an even keel so to speak.
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  #30  
February 10th, 2011, 02:04 PM
Mama Chemist 73's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My most recent baby was born by emergency c-section so I grieve:

1. not having the initial spinal work well and so was given ketamine
2. due to the ketamine, I was so out of it, I don't remember her being delivered
3. since I don't remember her being delivered, I don't remember giving her a kiss after delivery which my DH says I did
4. I don't like that I didn't get to have my birth experience - I wanted to deliver vaginally like my other kids and "enjoy" the experience
5. I don't like that I had the c at all, but it saved both our lives
6. I don't like that I have a huge scar from it

I guess that's about it.
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  #31  
May 7th, 2011, 11:05 AM
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I grieve the births I didn't get. My daughter was frank breech. I was to have an external version but apparently my fluid was too low (still not sure if I believe that). We did an elective cesarean at 37w6d because I am a type 1 diabetic. With my second, my perinatologist would not even consider a vbac (he told me at the beginning he would and later said he could "tell" by looking at me that I couldn't deliver vaginally). My cervix was of course unfavorable since I wasn't even 38 weeks. I remember sitting in the birthing suite the night before my cesarean. There was a birthing ball, a whirlpool, a birthing bar etc. I just started bawling. My DH didn't get it at all why I was crying and still doesn't I don't think. He figures we get a healthy baby and it's all nice and scheduled. What's the problem? They came in and had me sign the consent forms. I cried the whole time. The nurse said "you have chosen an elective c-section" I said "no, I wasn't given any choice in the matter". She continued, "your other option is a vaginal delivery, "umm excuse me, no it isn't. He won't LET me have a vaginal delivery". She acted like she hadn't heard anything. My sections were horrible experiences. They didn't give me enough spinal with my first and I started feeling it halfway through and they ended up knocking me out. With both, they had an awful time with the spinal taking at least 5 tries. Then after the babies were born I didn't get to hold them. My hubby got to show off the baby to family but I was in recovery. After that they were taken for 6 hours of observation.
I am now 23 weeks pregnant with number 3 and my perinatologist is on board with a vba2c. He is not making me go at 38 weeks but is letting me go to 41 weeks if there are no problems. My DH is not on board with the vbac at all. He doesn't think we should risk it. I am so scared something will go wrong and I won't get this chance. I have never been in labor. I have never felt a contraction. This just seems wrong to me. I truly grieve my births and want so bad to have that healing birth people talk about.
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  #32  
May 17th, 2011, 08:36 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by majicmaid View Post
I grieve the births I didn't get. My daughter was frank breech. I was to have an external version but apparently my fluid was too low (still not sure if I believe that). We did an elective cesarean at 37w6d because I am a type 1 diabetic. With my second, my perinatologist would not even consider a vbac (he told me at the beginning he would and later said he could "tell" by looking at me that I couldn't deliver vaginally). My cervix was of course unfavorable since I wasn't even 38 weeks. I remember sitting in the birthing suite the night before my cesarean. There was a birthing ball, a whirlpool, a birthing bar etc. I just started bawling. My DH didn't get it at all why I was crying and still doesn't I don't think. He figures we get a healthy baby and it's all nice and scheduled. What's the problem? They came in and had me sign the consent forms. I cried the whole time. The nurse said "you have chosen an elective c-section" I said "no, I wasn't given any choice in the matter". She continued, "your other option is a vaginal delivery, "umm excuse me, no it isn't. He won't LET me have a vaginal delivery". She acted like she hadn't heard anything. My sections were horrible experiences. They didn't give me enough spinal with my first and I started feeling it halfway through and they ended up knocking me out. With both, they had an awful time with the spinal taking at least 5 tries. Then after the babies were born I didn't get to hold them. My hubby got to show off the baby to family but I was in recovery. After that they were taken for 6 hours of observation.
I am now 23 weeks pregnant with number 3 and my perinatologist is on board with a vba2c. He is not making me go at 38 weeks but is letting me go to 41 weeks if there are no problems. My DH is not on board with the vbac at all. He doesn't think we should risk it. I am so scared something will go wrong and I won't get this chance. I have never been in labor. I have never felt a contraction. This just seems wrong to me. I truly grieve my births and want so bad to have that healing birth people talk about.
your story breaks my heart....if i wasnt NAK i'd reply a whole lot more..but i wanted to share this video with you..it's a BEAUTIFUL VBA2C

Cesarean vs. VBAC: A Dramatic Difference on Vimeo
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December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #33  
July 2nd, 2011, 11:43 PM
Tree_Love's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I grieve not getting to even attempt the birth I wanted... I never even got to feel a contraction naturally. My birth was not actually horrible like some of the stories I have read on here, but it was horrible for me. I mourn that I wasn't even allowed to let things happen naturally. I told DH that I wasn't sure I could do it again because it was just that scary for me. And that makes me sad, that my labor and delivery stole my desire to have another biological child.

If you so choose, you can read my story here.
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  #34  
July 30th, 2011, 07:40 AM
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I'm greiving the loss of the peaceful home waterbirth I didn't get.

All I did these past 9 months was research natural childbirth and even took a 12 week class. My vision of birth was soooo beautiful, I was so excited.

But suddenly my blood pressure rose and I was diagnosed with severe Pre E, the OB said he hadn't seen a case so bad in years.

I was rushed in and given basically every intervention possible. 25 hours of painful labor and 5 hours of pushing...ended with foreceps.

Rather than bond with my baby I instantly handed him off to someone because felt I was going to be sick. Then my blood pressure which had been 225/150 plummeted down to normal which put me in distress. All I really remember was people running around and asking me questions like, "who is the president?" and "how many states are there?" I remember thinking these are questions you ask someone who is in bad shape, maybe someone who is about to die. I thought I was dying and looked to see my husband playing with our baby and paying no attention to me...

People have commented that they've never seen someone so beat up, swollen and bruised "down there" before. I can't sit or walk.

I'm happy I did get a healthy son...but I'm not happy with the experience.
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  #35  
July 30th, 2011, 10:06 AM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lrowe70 View Post
I'm greiving the loss of the peaceful home waterbirth I didn't get.

All I did these past 9 months was research natural childbirth and even took a 12 week class. My vision of birth was soooo beautiful, I was so excited.

But suddenly my blood pressure rose and I was diagnosed with severe Pre E, the OB said he hadn't seen a case so bad in years.

I was rushed in and given basically every intervention possible. 25 hours of painful labor and 5 hours of pushing...ended with foreceps.

Rather than bond with my baby I instantly handed him off to someone because felt I was going to be sick. Then my blood pressure which had been 225/150 plummeted down to normal which put me in distress. All I really remember was people running around and asking me questions like, "who is the president?" and "how many states are there?" I remember thinking these are questions you ask someone who is in bad shape, maybe someone who is about to die. I thought I was dying and looked to see my husband playing with our baby and paying no attention to me...

People have commented that they've never seen someone so beat up, swollen and bruised "down there" before. I can't sit or walk.

I'm happy I did get a healthy son...but I'm not happy with the experience.



Did you take Bradley class? (just guessing based on the 12 week course)

My daughter was a pre-e induction, too...they really are awful..i will never understand why someone woudl want to elect for an induction!

Please share all your feelings here as you need to
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December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #36  
August 24th, 2011, 07:17 AM
Thismamaisonherway's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I grieve that all of the plans I had for my birth didnt work out. I hated the on call doctor. I was waiting for my DS's father ,who was in another state at the time and was on a plane rushing to get here, and had only been in labor for 9 hours when she started the awful pitocin. She didnt even glance at my birth plan. My sons father didnt make it for the birth. I was 5 weeks early and scared. They did the epidural too late ( partly my fault because I kept holding off) and I pushed 10 min afterward. I didnt feel the epidural or rather lack of feeling in my legs till after he was born and I couldnt walk for well over an hour.

I am excited about my second chance at having a delivery my way. I agree that births are never clean easy but they should be in a way that WE are comfortable. Doctors dont seem to get that.
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  #37  
August 24th, 2011, 04:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChicaChels View Post


Did you take Bradley class? (just guessing based on the 12 week course)

My daughter was a pre-e induction, too...they really are awful..i will never understand why someone woudl want to elect for an induction!

Please share all your feelings here as you need to
It was a Brio Birth class which is an offshoot of Bradley.
Agree about elective induction, I don't wish it on my worst enemy.

I took my babe in for his 1 month today, can't believe it's been that long. Finally in the past week I've been able to get out of bed. Recovery was BAD.
I've come to terms with the birth that wasn't. Pre-E is dangerous so I'm very thankful that both my baby and myself made it out alive and well. It does worry me about future children. My husband and I have talked about trying for another homebirth, but we've also discussed having an elective C Section.
Time will tell
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  #38  
August 25th, 2011, 03:16 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lrowe70 View Post
It was a Brio Birth class which is an offshoot of Bradley.
Agree about elective induction, I don't wish it on my worst enemy.

I took my babe in for his 1 month today, can't believe it's been that long. Finally in the past week I've been able to get out of bed. Recovery was BAD.
I've come to terms with the birth that wasn't. Pre-E is dangerous so I'm very thankful that both my baby and myself made it out alive and well. It does worry me about future children. My husband and I have talked about trying for another homebirth, but we've also discussed having an elective C Section.
Time will tell

what did you think of BRIO? (I'm a bradley instructor and there's that whole BRIO vent stuff going on now)

(Totally o/t)

As far as vbac vs RCS - check out this video. It makes me cry every. single. time i watch it
Cesarean vs. VBAC: A Dramatic Difference on Vimeo
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December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #39  
March 16th, 2012, 08:08 PM
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I grieve not being able to hold and nurse my son right after he was born. I only had to wait about 20 minutes or so but it felt like an eternity which I guess I'll explain about if I find a good place to post the story.
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  #40  
July 29th, 2012, 10:59 PM
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I was not totally grieving but labor really was very painful.
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