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Broken heart - not broken Woman

A place to share stories of grief about your birth. Whether you had a c-section or a vaginal birth, doesn't matter. This is a place for ALL grieving moms to support each other.

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  #1  
August 12th, 2010, 01:12 PM
*Candi*'s Avatar Candi
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Ontario Canada
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have any of you considered talking to someone professionally about your birth? I've wondered if talking to a counsellor or someone would help or if they would just give the same your baby is healthy spiel....

???
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  #2  
August 12th, 2010, 04:56 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I have very strongly considered counseling re: the birth and the immediate post partum period. Brylie's birth has been very hard on my marriage. Sam and I talked about responsibility and what to expect immediately following, and I feel so betrayed by him. He absolutely did not follow through. He promised me he would take a week off of work, and he was at work the day after we got home from the hospital. I really, really lost a lot of respsect for him that day because I had been up in hard labor for several hours, not slept in the hospital room (while he snoozed away, no one checks the dad every 2 hours, and of course the breastfeeding schedule didn't match up with the routine checks, so I never got to be left alone)....so between the birth trauma I feel, and him really letting me down....I KNOW I need to talk to someone, to save my marriage.

I feel "ashamed" that I feel this way though. I can't make the call


To answer your other question, I really don't think a good therapist would tell you "Your baby is healthy" because obviously every mom wants a healthy baby, but there is so much more that goes into giving birth. I know everyone doesn't feel this way, but I really feel like giving birth was the most defining moment of my life. I knew what I wanted, I knew how to get it. I did my homework, I took care of myself. I was healthy. I took the classes, read every book, did my exercises, ate the right way...and STILL got induced. Not just induced, but an emergency induction and my daughter was born dead. It's horrifying to me, and if a shrink ever told me that my feelings were unfounded because Brylie is healthy...I might go on some kind of killing spree!
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Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #3  
August 13th, 2010, 05:01 PM
*Candi*'s Avatar Candi
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Ontario Canada
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you make a good point, no GOOD therapist should ever say that.... but boy would I be pissed to pay for a session and have them say that!

I hear you on the anger and resentment for after the birth. I ended up with a spinal migraine from the epidural (or I should say epiduralS being that I had 4.... ) anyway.... I have never been in so much pain in my life as the 3 days immediately following my c/s. That migraine made me completely unable to care for hunter and I resent so so much that it ruined my first few days with him.. I also blame it in part for my lack of success in b/f because I couldnt even sit up without being sick to be able to get help with a latch ect. (Its not totally to blame because there were other issues, and I am part to blame as well.... but that was a big one). The hospital I was at was a good 45 mins away from our house and DH had to go home at points to let our dog out. But I was and still am so angry at how little time he spent in the hospital. I couldnt do anything for hunter without being physically sick and he should have been in there every second helping me so I could get better faster, but he would only come a few hours each day. I hated him for it and still do. I was also really angry that he did nothing for me in terms of demanding someone do something about the migraine and not to leave me in pain.

Hes already talking about wanting a 2nd and I keep telling him he needs to really figure out if hes ready for another one because it means he will likely be in charge of hunter for a few days (at minimum) on his own, but it also means he will need to help me and the new baby, so that means giving up everything else for at least a week and I just dont think hes ready for that.
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  #4  
August 19th, 2010, 08:44 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think making it very clear with him what you expect from him will help. That is my plan with this pregnancy - to delegate sam duties. I do it very well around the house (you need to get x,y,z done by date c) and he gets it done...so im guna say your job with baby 2 is p,q,r and your job with brylie is s,t,u...I hope it works out.


are you still planning on 10m til ttc? i think that will give you a lot of time to get things out on the table. have you called anyone yet?
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Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #5  
August 20th, 2010, 06:12 PM
*Candi*'s Avatar Candi
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Location: Ontario Canada
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yea we're getting married next July so we want to wait til after that to TTC. A VBAC is much much easier to get here than in the states. It just means you have to have an OB present during your labour in case of complications. I can still use my midwife for all my prenatal care and for my birth, but they basically share custody of me with an OB just in case I just have to decide if I want to stay with my original midwives or switch to the ones I have here in town, if I use my original ones it means being at a hospital an hour away, if I use the ones here the hospital is 5 minutes away.
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  #6  
August 20th, 2010, 08:34 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I drive a little over an hour and it's totally worth it to me. It's a big reason why we try so hard to avoid a winter baby! We probably couldn't get out


It's awesome that Canada is so supportive of VBAC. They need to teach the US a thing or too. I Recently read about canada being supportive of breech vaginal births too.


Since you have 10m til you ttc, you guys can get so much accomplished in that time!!

I don't know how important a vaginal birth is to you, but I have read about a lot of women who have a total "healing moment" with a vbac, that it just is magical.

I have also heard of people thinking a RCS is healing, because they have so much more control over the situation! what are you leaning toward?
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Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #7  
August 21st, 2010, 09:03 AM
*Candi*'s Avatar Candi
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Right now I'm leaning towards a VBAC the biggest reason because I dont know if I'm ready to give up not ever going into labour again... this will be our last baby and right now I still crave that moment when you get that first contraction and you realize this is IT. And I think part of me wants to know if I can do it, kwim? I think part of the reason I was sad/angry about Hunter's birth was because I felt like I just hadnt been strong enough.... like if I had only stayed home a few more hours, or if I had walked around the hospital longer, if I had waited longer for the epi.... if all of those things had happened maybe I would have dilated past 3cm.....

But I do know thats a LOT of ifs, and I know that its possible I could have done all those things and still not got past 3cm...... so we will see.

I'm not going to lie either, even though a c/s has more risks, the IDEA of it being planned and that I can have everything ready makes me feel better. My sister is 3.5 hours away and we will need her to be here to take care of Hunter, so knowing the date and time I need her for makes me feel calmer... but I also know that from the time I go into labour it is very unlikely that I will dilate so fast I have to be in the hospital in the first 4 hours... LOL

does that make any sense?
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  #8  
August 21st, 2010, 09:02 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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it totally makes sense. Just remember that each birth is sooo different and there is NO possible way you can stay pregnant forever...you WILL go into labor!

My cousin has 2 kids - first one was a planned bradley natural birth turned c-section. She got induced at 40w for "big baby", walked around for about an hour, couldn't take the pit, got the epi at 2cm, used the breastpump to help augment labor..stalled at 3cm for 14 hours, got diagnosed as failure to progress because of said "big baby" had a c-section with a very healthy 7lb2oz little boy. her body clearly wasn't ready to be in labor.


2nd birth - planned c-section. Milissa went into labor 3 days before planned c-section, got to the hospital after "suspecting" she was in labor (39w), found out she was dilated 7cm and her bag was bulging. Decided to try for a vbac...had her bag popped, went to 10cm in 2-3 contractions, and had baby in less than 4 hours of suspecting she was in labor.
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Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #9  
August 22nd, 2010, 06:41 PM
*Candi*'s Avatar Candi
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 8,645
yes every birth is different for sure, I've heard so many of those stories which makes me feel so much better!

I think over the next few months I'm going to talk to the midwives that are in town and see what they say about a VBAC. I'd love to use them if I can so that its easier for denis to get back and forth from the hospital and then hunter can visit as well

Its amazing that your cousin decided so last minute for the VBAC! Thats crazy, I think I would be terrfied ha ha! I'm the person who has to read EVERYTHING

Mind you I refused to read anything about recovering from a c/s and look what happened
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  #10  
July 29th, 2012, 11:04 PM
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I did not tried it but I used to ask about giving birth to my mom.
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