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Scared about next birth


Broken heart - not broken Woman

A place to share stories of grief about your birth. Whether you had a c-section or a vaginal birth, doesn't matter. This is a place for ALL grieving moms to support each other.

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  #1  
November 1st, 2010, 09:31 AM
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I'm pregnant with baby #3 and I'm worried about my next birth already. I'm trying to sort out my thoughts here, so I apologize if this post seems very jumbled.

Brief birth history for me: both my children passed meconium before being born, neither were breathing when they were born, my daughter's APGARS were 0-6-6, and she needed a blood transfusion.

In September, at my annual checkup this year, my normal doctor (whom I love) was out on maternity leave. She won't be back until I'm 18ish weeks or so. I asked the doctor I saw in her place if my birth history would cause me to be wheeled into the OR for a c-section at the first sign of fetal distress. He wasn't sure and referred me for a consult with a perinatologist. I started the process to set that up last week, so I haven't seen a perinatal doctor yet.

I told this new doctor that I really want to avoid a c-section because of my history of bad PPD. I really think that a c-section recovery added to the mix would be a horrible outcome for me. His response was that a planned c-section is not as bad as an emergency one and that he thought a planned c-section at 39 weeks would be better to prevent PPD than having to take care of a sick baby.

I won't be seeing him at the end of my pregnancy (they assured me that I can switch back to my doctor when she returns to work). But I don't have much other choice right now, unless I want to switch clinics and hospitals (which I don't). No doctors were taking on new patients, so I could only see two doctors (as I've seen them in the past): the c-section happy sounding doctor and another doctor that I really didn't like when I had seen her during my last pregnancy for one visit.

The appointment I had with the other doctor was awful. She came in, sat at her computer, and started typing in my chart: "Patient is doing well" before she even talked to me. And then she was in such a hurry to get out of there, that I couldn't ask her any questions or express any of the concerns I was having (and I was NOT "doing well" by my own standards, but she never took the time to figure that one out).

This all got me thinking that I'm doomed to a c-section unless I somehow convince my husband that we should just go give birth in the woods or something. So I got to thinking about what I'm really bothered about with my births. I think what bothers me most is that they won't just let me hold my babies! When your baby isn't breathing they, understandably, put priority on getting the baby to breath. And that means taking my baby away from me right after birth.

I don't want to wait an hour or more in recovery before I'm deemed fit enough to hold my baby. I don't want to hold my baby for a brief moment and then have him/her snatched away from me. I don't want the first time I hold my baby for him/her to be wrapped up like a burrito with a face. I want my wiggly newborn in my arms.

Sorry for the novel. I'm still processing things here.
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  #2  
November 1st, 2010, 10:30 AM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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okay I have a few questions and lots of for you


did they break your water? If they did, don't let them break it this time maybe?

and i think for them to suggest a c-section at this point is insane!!! i think when your doctor is back you can put all those suggetions on the back burner. Meconium CAN be dangerous yes, but it in no way should solely indicate a c-section. Brylie's apgars were 0/0/3/9 (they did 1,3,5,10 min because the first two were 0) and I still had her back in less than 10 minutes (seemed like hours, but after reading my chart it was about 8 minutes)

also, i have made it VERY clear that if I ever end up in the c-section room, unless my baby needs to go to the NICU, that we will be doing skin to skin immediately, the same way we would if she was a vaginal birth - and my CNM was perfectly fine with that. (I know two people who have had c-sections at the hospital and done immediate skin to skin, never once separated from the baby til they were ready for the weight, etc) so look into that, just so you have your piece of mind!


okay, so now my big question (sorry if I missed the reason) why does this doctor think a scheduled c-section will be "necessary"? Is it just because of the meconium history? (and your sweet girls blood transfusion, which they never discovered a reason for right? she just wasn't doing well? I can't remember, sorry??)
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Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #3  
November 1st, 2010, 11:02 AM
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With my son, his water broke before labor started. There was no meconium in his water, but he did pass meconium before he was born.

With my daughter, I had them break my water when I was in transition. I was falling asleep between contractions and wanted to get to pushing. I was a "stretchy nine" and was told that I could push whenever I felt like it. At that point her water had thick meconium in it, so it's likely that whatever caused her to lose blood had probably already happened at that point (as it would have caused fetal distress, which can cause the baby to pass meconium).

I had been the first one to bring up c-section. I was trying to gauge if my history would freak out a doctor so much that he or she would overreact to a bad EFM reading. In explaining that I wanted to avoid a c-section, the doctor made his planned c-section suggestion.

I've already thought about requesting immediate skin-to-skin in the OR if I do need a c-section. I haven't brought it up because I'm still so early and I don't even know if they'll try to force one on me yet.

All I know is (1) I don't want another grey, limp baby at birth, (2) I'm afraid of any surgery (c-section included), and (3) I'm probably going to tear the head off of anyone that tries to take my newborn away from me!
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  #4  
November 4th, 2010, 10:18 AM
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I think when your doctor is back, you will be much more at ease. I totally understand your fears. I do NOT want a grey, limp, "dead" baby again either....I can totally relate to you on that. Is your hospital comfortable with doing the suctioning, etc on your stomach? I'm not exactly sure what the normal meconium protocol is, because i didn't have any first hand experience with it...but I do wish that Brylie would've been resuscitated on my stomach vs in the transition room (where the NICU meets the L&D to take baby; but they never took her)

did your girl go to the NICU?
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Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #5  
November 4th, 2010, 10:55 AM
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The normal meconium protocol (at my hospital at least) is to keep the baby as quiet as possible (to prevent crying and drawing meconium from the throat into the lungs). So they clamp the cord quickly and bring the baby to the NICU nurses that are waiting to suction the baby. I know there were 2-3 nurses working on my daughter when she was born, so I'm not sure if they would be able to fit around the bed to do it on my stomach.

I know I do want to ask about suctioning before cutting the cord. It seems to me that if the baby can't breath, it's kind of foolish to cut the source of oxygen before clearing the airway.

She went to the NICU. I was discharged before she was, so she just got discharged to home when she was done there.
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  #6  
November 4th, 2010, 03:03 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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hmmm...I'll ask my friend who is a LDRPP nurse - I'm sure sees a lot of meconium (no pun intended!)

i agree it seems crazy to cut the oxygen source before the baby is stable..We have a mini NICU off all the rooms..does your hospital have that? Also, at our hospital if a baby is born via c-sectoin I think it's required they spend time in the NICU because they don't get the compression to clear out their lungs, so they usually have more breathing problems.
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Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #7  
November 4th, 2010, 04:26 PM
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The NICU was right across the hall from L&D. But all immediate stabilization is done in L&D. The NICU nurses come to the delivery room and resuscitate there (at the warmer). The reason they took my daughter to the NICU was because her 10-minute APGAR was still below 7. She just wasn't getting any color. They needed to stabilize her and find out what the problem was. My son (who also needed resuscitation) was able to stay with me our whole stay. But his 5-minute APGAR was 9.

With my daughter, the NICU nurses were already in the room (because of the meconium they were called when I started pushing). With my son, they were paged when the doctor noticed he wasn't breathing and they immediately came. Since he passed meconium after his water broke (and we thus didn't know it until after birth) the nurses weren't there beforehand.
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  #8  
November 4th, 2010, 10:19 PM
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I asked my friend about meconium sucking on mom's tummy and she said they can do it, if mom requests it but generally they take baby to the warmer. but she said it's not a problem, because they can all stand around the bed easily and they have mom's who refuse to let them take the baby from the room so they have to adapt

she said just make your OB/MW aware that you want it done in your care before hand, and if the hospital is familiar with protocol, it shouldn't be an issue
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Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #9  
November 6th, 2010, 09:50 AM
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Thanks for checking on that!

Hopefully this will all be moot because I'll have a beautifully healthy baby.
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  #10  
November 6th, 2010, 10:16 AM
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I hope so. when are you due?
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Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #11  
November 12th, 2010, 07:32 AM
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I'm due mid-June.

Had my first appointment yesterday. Even though I'm just 9 weeks, the doctor tried to find the heartbeat. I think he just wanted an excuse to order an ultrasound. So he was like, "Well, your dates could be off and then you might be too early to find the heartbeat."

But the good news is that my doctor is going to be back before my next appointment! I had first been told January, but she'll be back next month! I'm really glad about that, because I'm not impressed with this guy at all. His nurse recognized me from my annual checkup 6 weeks ago. He did not. My normal doctor had read my charts, including the doctor's write up of my first birth, before she met with me for the first time. I don't think this doctor even read anything he wrote about my last appointment before seeing me this time.
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  #12  
November 23rd, 2010, 07:43 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so glad your regular doctor will be back for your next appt!! When is it? I have been thinking about you lately
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Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #13  
November 23rd, 2010, 08:42 PM
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I lost the baby last week.
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  #14  
December 11th, 2010, 02:59 PM
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I am so, so, so immensely sorry. I thought I replied to this earlier....internet must've eaten it

My heart is hurting for you and your family.
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Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #15  
December 11th, 2010, 03:55 PM
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Thanks.

The good news is that I saw the perinatal doctor. He thinks that there is no reason my next baby should have any problems (in terms of miscarriage or poor presentation at birth).
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  #16  
December 11th, 2010, 07:59 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Oh that is fantastic!

Are you going to wait awhile until you try, or are you feeling ready?
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Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #17  
December 12th, 2010, 12:36 PM
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I haven't gotten my cycle back yet. I also wound up with anemia because of blood loss. I'm supposed to get my hCG tested this coming week (it was still 860 and halving about every 2.5 days almost two weeks ago). I'm going to ask for my hemoglobin to be tested as well. I don't want to get pregnant if my numbers are still low (it was 9.1 when the heavy bleeding had stopped).

My doctor wants me to wait at least until the cycle after my 2nd period. That will put me at February at the earliest (or a November baby). I really don't want a baby in November-February. I don't want to go to weekly doctor's appointments in the bitter cold and snow (I usually take the bus) and I don't want to worry about going into labor in a blizzard (go check out my post "In a blizzard" in the Aug 09 PR).

So that puts me at not being pregnant before the due date, which kind of makes me sad. But we'll probably start trying (or at least NTNP) in June or July.
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  #18  
January 2nd, 2011, 10:01 PM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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what did you find out?

i totally get you on not wanting a winter baby...i have learned that i loathe being pregnant in the winter...i much prefer my summer pregnancy! and this has been a (knock on wood) mild iowa winter.

im sorry you don't think you'll be getting a BFP anytime soon
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Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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  #19  
January 3rd, 2011, 06:34 AM
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Hemoglobin was up to 11.1 with the last draw I had (Dec 17th). So I would assume I'm in the normal range by now.

Being pregnant during winter is okay for me, as long as it's not the end of the pregnancy. I don't want to have to go to weekly appointments in the winter, and I don't want to worry about a drive to the hospital in the winter.

I think I'm fertile right now. I'm supposed to wait until the next cycle, but there's a part of me that wants to get pregnant right now. Plus, it would give me a late September baby.
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  #20  
January 3rd, 2011, 09:03 AM
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if you feel ready, i say go for it!!!!!!
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Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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