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  #1  
June 9th, 2008, 06:10 PM
*Valerie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My turn to give this a go I am not Blog intelligent but what the heck!
~~~~
This has been a hard couple of weeks for me and this will be a tad depressing but I have to write it somewhere It's been 1 year now since my dad was diagnosed with cancer. Unfortunately we found it way too late and he only survived 3.5 months (it was already in the lung, bone and brain and possibly lymph nodes when it was diagnosed). My mom, sis and I are struggling, but we did something good to honor his memory and we partipated in Relay for Life this past weekend. As a trio we raised $1300 so we were pleased to do something. I have been looking to start something in his name/memory, but with Baby #2 on the way, I just don't know what to do yet. I really have to look into it (any ideas are welcome). I have thought about a walk or golf tournament, but I don't know.
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  #2  
June 10th, 2008, 11:08 AM
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June 10

What a day--challenging is the only word for it. Luckily Mom is close by and she was able to come over and help a bit because nothing I did worked. I hate days like that because I feel like a failure, but I also know a change of pace is good for them. Watching Anaka has definitely been a learning experience and I have the upmost respect for those with twins since Anaka and Troy are only 4.5 months apart. Don't know how parents of twins/multiples do it!
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  #3  
June 11th, 2008, 10:37 AM
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June 11--
Last day with Anaka! I should be sad, but I must admit I am ready. It's been easier than yesterday, but still a challenge. I hate that I am feeling like this because my sister is really upset that Anaka won't be coming here anymore. She's preggo too and due in August and I know I can't handle 4 so she's having to find other care. I honestly think it will be better for Anaka though to be away from Troy and in a more structured environment. We'll see

Pregnancy wise--doing great! Only thing that bothers me is that if I eat anything sweet--I get this horrible taste in my mouth that is really annoying. I find myself chewing gum often to get rid of it. I have been exercising more and still haven't gained but maybe 1-2 pounds total this whole pregnancy. I lost 5 in the beginning and I am still down 4 lbs from my prepregnancy weight Now only if it will continue!
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  #4  
June 14th, 2008, 12:17 PM
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June 14--
Back to being sad again. I knew Father's Day was going to be tough, but it still surprises me when I get moody and depressed. I know he would hate that, but I guess I have no real control over it. We just had my sis' baby shower and that was a nice distraction, but here I go again
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  #5  
June 29th, 2008, 11:23 AM
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June 29--
Finally back from vacation! It was really nice to see DH's family since we only see some of them 1 time a year, at most 2 times. The only problem is that Troy never gets comfortable with them so it was back to screaming if I even walked out of the room unless DH was there. Troy got to do so many fun things though and had a blast--jet skiing, boat rides, 4 Wheeler rides.....it was the perfect time for him and DH. Unfortunately being preggo, I babied myself and didn't do the jet skiing and 4 wheeler rides. Next year will be different though--I will have an infant, but I will be able to do some of the fun things again! I am so exhausted though that all I can think about is sleep but hopefully, I can get caught up this week. No more late nights for me (not that they were really late, just later than normal!)
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  #6  
July 13th, 2008, 11:08 AM
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July 13th--VACATIONS ARE ALMOST OVER!!!! I have to admit that I am so tired of traveling. I love the idea, hate the actual traveling. Don't get me wrong--I have had some fun, but Troy has made things a tad hard--especially the sleeping. Whew! I am hoping to take full advantage of our trip to CA to get some rest. It will be hard because of the time zone change, but one can hope!

Big U/S tomorrow! I am very excited but nervous. This pregnancy started out so hard with the cramping and bleeding so I am a tad nervous about something being wrong. We aren't finding out the sex but I am very anxious to see how things are progressing. Troy is going and hopefully he will be good for it! My mom will be there too so if he acts up she can take him out but we thought he would be excited to see the baby. Of course, then he will want to see the baby in his tummy too I am a little bummed that DH isn't taking time off work to go, but he doesn't really understand ultrasounds anyway and it's there busy season at work so I am trying to be understanding. I am looking forward to showing him the pictures though.
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  #7  
July 14th, 2008, 11:40 AM
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The US went great and I am very excited about how everything looked! Troy was wonderful and loved the gel on my belly As soon as they were done he had to play with the remains--goofy kid! I posted pics in the main Southern Mommies board if anyone wants to see them!
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  #8  
July 21st, 2008, 11:39 AM
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Vacations and traveling are through! Thank God! I am exhausted, but I must admit it was nice to have a weekend with just DH. We so needed it and it was so much fun--we went to a wedding in CA! Troy was really well behaved for mom and it seems as if some of his issues with sleep have lessened. I just hope it continues. These past few weeks have been hard--lots of tantrums, sleep disturbances, refusing to let DH do anything for him, fighting me tooth and nail....I have been really down on myself as a parent and getting very frustrated and depressed because of it. Today's been better so I am hoping that maybe keeping a normal routine will really help us get back into the swing of things. I hated the way I felt all last week and I know DH, mom and my sis did to!
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  #9  
July 25th, 2008, 11:29 AM
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TGIF!!!!! This has been an interesting week. Troy has been better, but DH's hours at work have SUCKED! He's working 11+ hours a day and not getting home until right at Troy's bedtime and it's hard! Troy misses him so much and then almost gets spiteful and won't have a lot to do with him. It's a big pain for all of us. It just really stinks because DH works for my family and I had lots of problems with these family members (Uncle, cousins) and now I am even more frustrated! Oh well. It pays the bills and lets me SAH so I shouldn't complain too much, but it does make me wonder what's going to happen when I get closer to my due date. I may be driving myself to the hospital
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  #10  
July 30th, 2008, 11:36 AM
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WARNING--HUGE VENT IN THIS ONE!!! Don't read if you don't want to "hear" my moan!

Moan #1--DH's hours at work are ridiculous! He's getting no time with Troy at all and I really need some help with Troy come that late. Troy starts to get grumpy and misses DH and wants to be done with me and it just can't happen. It's so frustrating because it's not going to change anytime soon and when the baby comes, it's just going to be more challenging for me! I just wish he worked a job with normal hours. I know it allows me to SAH, but I would almost rather have to scrimp and save and have DH around more

Moan #2--Troy's sleeping is way off track and his nightmares have returned. He went through a LONG period of nightmares and terrors and then it eased up. Well, they are back and I am TIRED!!!! Plus his early rising has started again--5:30 this AM Guess who was really grumpy and throwing tantrums all morning--Troy (but I was too I guess )

Okay, vent over!
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  #11  
August 5th, 2008, 11:29 AM
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Still have the same vents but I won't get into those!
I am just so excited that Troy is potty trained! I thought it was going to be a huge battle throughout, but when he figured it out, he figured it out! He's had 1 accident in a week and that he actually stopped himself and finished on the potty. He is in diapers for sleeping, but other than that, he did really well and only took a short time to figure it out. I am just hoping it continues. My goal was to be done with this by the end of August and that will give him 3 months of being PT'd before the baby comes. I am keeping my fingers crossed that he doesn't tire of it and revert back to diapers
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  #12  
August 15th, 2008, 11:13 AM
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My nephew has arrived! My sis had her baby (Ronald Antonio--calling him Antonio) on 8/11 and he's such a cutie! I was worried that Troy would act ugly or jealous but so far everything is great. He is so sweet to Antonio and just pats him and kisses him all the time. If I hold him, he wants to be there asking me questions or pointing out the tiny feet/cheeks/mouth....I think it's a great trial for him and what having a baby brother or sister will be like. I know it will be different when the baby stays with us, but I will take anything to help prepare him
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  #13  
August 23rd, 2008, 08:17 AM
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Well that time of the year is approaching. I knew it was going to be hard, but nothing will prepare me I don't think Last year at this time, my dad's health deteriorated and he was miserable. Just a quick history--in June of 07, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. They found it in his bone first and when they did more testing, he had it in his lungs, bone and brain. It was a very sudden thing that came on with NO real symptoms other than back pain. He went through radiation for the brain cancer and then began chemo. Chemo was not easy on him as you can imagine (is it on anyone ) and he had to undergo a couple blood transfusions due to anemia. In mid-late August, nothing seemed to be working. He was in misery, tired all the time, sleeping all the time, in pain, nauseous....He went into the hospital in the beginning of Sept. and was diagnosed with kidney failure brought on by the chemo meds. So basically, they couldn't due chemo anymore and the cancer would take him. They attempted dialysis to try to "jumpstart" the kidneys, but it wasn't working and he became ever more miserable. On 9/22 we opted to bring him home and put him under Hospice care. During that time, he had a stroke and spent the last days of his life completely comatose. Luckily it was short lived and he died on 9.25. This is going to be a very hard time for me and my family and I know we'll make it through, but all these memories are flooding back. DH and I were with him when he had his stroke and it was the hardest thing I have ever seen but at the same time, I am glad I was there because we got to hear his last words. I am also glad that my Mom and my sister weren't there because it was so difficult. I am sorry to be doing this, but I feel if maybe I write it down, it will help get me through.
I love you and miss you Daddy
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  #14  
August 26th, 2008, 11:30 AM
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Mom has been struggling with this as well and originally said that she wanted to just be alone on the anniversary of Dad's death. But now, she wants to get together and just talk/tell stories all day and try to laugh and remember the good things. I just don't know. It sounds like a good idea, but at the same time, mom and my sis have been crying all the time and I don't know if they'll be able to do it. I think I could, but I really handle things better alone. I am so confused I want to do what's best to help them, but am I helping myself then? It's just so hard and unfair AAUUGGHHHH!
My birthday is on 9/27 too and mom wants to celebrate it, but I don't know if I will be up to it. Last year, I finally convinced them not to do anything because NO ONE was in the mood to celebrate and I feel like this year will be the same. I have told her let's just pick a different time--a couple weeks later for example, but she's adament that we celebrate on the actual date. Maybe I will let her do something and hope she understands if I can't get excited or be happy during it
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  #15  
August 30th, 2008, 06:09 PM
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On a different topic today:
I did my 4 mile walk today for Breast Cancer Research! I was a little worried since I had the stomach bug last week and was VERY dehydrated but I did okay. It took forever but oh well! I was only in it to finish it anyway this year. Maybe next year, I can have a goal for time. I am most proud because I was able to come up with almost $1500 in donations so as of today the race raised over $300000!!! I love doing stuff like this and it also keeps me motivated to stay in shape! I got lots of comments today about how proud people were that I was doing it, but to me, it was a no brainer--it keeps me healthy, helps a good cause, and it's a wonderful event!
Plus my Dad was very proud of me for running in it last year!
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  #16  
September 9th, 2008, 11:25 AM
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9/9/08

Things have been going well lately. Troy and I had a challenging day Friday--we just weren't meshing at all. I can tell though when we are around each other day in and day out. We BOTH need a break sometimes and my Mom has been so busy lately and DH is working way too hard and too many hours. This has been a better week so far though but we'll see what it's like by Saturday
Still, my emotions are running very high because of my dad, but overall I am handling it better than I thought. I have my moments but they aren't coming daily. I can think about him and talk about him without bawling hysterically like I was expecting. I am sure as the 25th gets closer though, things will get more difficult. Luckily life is keeping me busy.
Well, not much to report pregnancy wise. Everything seems to be going well, but I am still anxious for my appt. on the 25th bc I want to find out if the baby is still breech. I hate the idea of scheduling the birth, but whatever keeps he/she safe, right!?!?!?
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  #17  
September 24th, 2008, 11:56 AM
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Big appointment tomorrow but that is definitely being overshadowed by thoughts of my dad. We are getting together as a family in the evening and it will be hard, but I think it could be helpful. I just can't believe my extreme emotions lately! One minute, I am laughing, happy and the next, I am so angry and frustrated and then I am close to tears. Luckily my DH is very understanding and supportive when he sees me so moody. He used to get angry, but now he just understands that's how I cope. It doesn't help that I am not sleeping well and exhausted all the time. I may have to start taking meds when I know I can sleep in a bit just to help. I hate the thought, but I am getting very frustrated with the 5-6+ times of waking at night. Guess that goes with pregnancy. Only 6.5 more weeks though and hopefully it will go quickly.
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  #18  
October 9th, 2008, 10:56 AM
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Didn't realize how long it had been since I posted! WOW! Time is going faster than I thought!
Let's see, how are things now??? I am almost 9 months and I am getting miserable--everything is challenging and I am struggling with even the little things. I finally came to term with it this week that I have to:
#1 Ask for help
#2 Take LOTS of breaks
#3 Break the week up into lots of small projects than doing a ton in one day.
It's hard for me bc with Troy, I was good right up until the due date and I am still one month away
I am also more emotional--almost depressed. Not about the baby--that I am very excited for, but I am really aggravated with this stage of pregnancy. I am very independent and I hate having to tell Troy that I can't play bc of my size or how I feel. It's tearing me up, but honestly I am much happier just lying around doing nothing That is so unlike me too. Oh well, not much longer. I just pray that I don't go late.
Also, I am swamped with stuff with church right now and that's a challenge as well. I am working with the youth group and we have a couple of major events this month and it wasn't great timing. I ask for help, but honestly have not gotten a whole lot
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  #19  
October 24th, 2008, 06:25 PM
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2.5 more weeks to go! It feels like forever, but at the same time, so close. DH has been working very long hours and I am getting very frustrated. I am so miserable and tired that I just want a break, but I am not getting many. I feel very selfish bc I just want to scream, "I am 37.5 weeks preggo, can anyone feel sorry for me and give me some time to rest!!!!!", but it's just not happening because no one is really available. My mom helps when she can, but given that she is helping my sister with babysitting, it isn't enough for right now. I just keep thinking that I can do this and it's not that hard, but then I start having contractions or pains or backaches...and I just want to cry. I just want this baby to come out!!!!!!
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  #20  
November 16th, 2008, 12:16 PM
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Wow--long time again but I must admit that I have been very very busy!
William Barrett was born on Nov. 7 at 8:13 pm weighing 7 lbs 3 oz and 20 " long. I won't go into the birth story, but it was a long day and got a tad complicated. I ended up opting for a CSection after 4 hours of pushing and it was a great decision. Will is very happy and healthy. DH was off for this past week and so that made life much easier. We'll see what the upcoming week bring when it's me and my 2 boys. Troy has been wonderful and I really hope he keeps it up but I know it will be tough on him next week without the one on one time with Daddy. Luckily my mom and a friend are going to help out some!!!!!
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