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DH and I decided to call our little angel Gabriel because this is our Christmas angel and Gabriel is the angel who appeared to Mary to tell her about God wanting her to be the mother to his son.
When I went to the OB to get my post-MC betas, the nurse recommended I take a flower to my favorite spot, say a few words, have a good cry, then leave the flower behind. I thought it was a good idea, but I wasn't ready to do this for over a week. This past Tuesday, a week and a half after my loss, was my first day back to work. I also figured that would be a good day to go ahead and do the flower. I got the flowers at the grocery store. They didn't have any single flowers, so I bought a bouquet, choosing the bright colors because those are best for babies.
I went to the place where DH proposed and where we had our wedding reception. I found an old stone wall with a nice tree. I was surprised at how hard this was. I said my few words and found that I couldn't bring myself to leave. I took a photo and I'm so glad I did. After about 5 minutes I finally walked to the car (well, walked partway, walked back and stayed for a few more minutes, then finally made it to my car). I started hysterically crying in my car. When I finally felt composed enough to drive away, I had to drive at a spot where I could see the flowers. I stopped there and couldn't bring myself to leave for another 5-10 minutes. Even though I know that I wasn't leaving my baby there I felt like I was.
I hope you're enjoying your time in Heaven, my little angel, and can't wait until you are strong enough to come back to us. Mommy and Daddy love you.
I wish we knew whether ours was a boy or girl so I could give him/her a suitable name.
I loved the idea of the flowers, sort of similar to putting flowers on a grave that you can visit any time you want to. I think it really helps to have something tangible.