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  #1  
December 16th, 2008, 06:45 PM
Mamalicious's Avatar Newbies
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3
Hey Mommies,

I am new to this website and I have an issue that I would really appreciate some advice on, first let me introduce myself.

I am a 30 year old mother of a 12 year old daughter who has just recently become popular and "cool", as apposed to last year when she was still just a normal pre-teen. She is the most wonderful kid, but has found a new interest in boys.
I know this is normal because beleive it or not, I was once 12 years old.

The only thing is though she was caught kissing a boy while hanging out with some of her friends last week. I am having a difficult time with this because of the following reasons:

<div align="center">(keeping in mind that we have already discussed the birds and the bees enough that she is aware of serious issues that can happen due to teenage hood and feelings)</div>

1) Major thing is, I do not want her to lose her innocence

2) Kissing is normal at that age, and the feelings cannot be pushed away with simple punishment. Saying this I also will not giver permission to do so.

3) I do not want her to think that her feelings are "bad" as sexuality should be dealt with in a proper way to ensure that the child is not ashamed of her sexuality.

4) I do not want her to "not" come to me when she is experiencing something troubling to her regarding her sexuality.


This all being said, I have talked with her. We had a discussion that lasted quite awhile about how things can happen so fast that even if she is not planning to do anything else, it just might.
I really need advice on this subject, I am slightly embarassed because I can discuss this with ANYONE, but when it comes to my daughter I do not want to send the wrong message...


Thank you in advanced, and I look forward to "typing" with all of you..





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  #2  
December 16th, 2008, 07:25 PM
2pinks&ablue's Avatar Chantelle
Join Date: May 2007
Location: NB, Canada
Posts: 36,142
First of all, welcome I'm Chantelle, engaged to Curtis, mommy to Alyssa (15 months) and expecting Rylan in January. I'm from NB..

I think this is all completely normal and I don't really know what else you could do about this.. it's just something that happens at that age in my opinion, and as long as you're sure she knows what can happen and how to avoid it, there isn't much else you can do. I can understand why this is a tough situation for you though..
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  #3  
December 17th, 2008, 11:24 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,288
I've been taking a different approach on this, because yes, on the one hand, kissing at 12 is normal. Or it's become normal. Nobody I kissed in junior high was worth it.
I've been telling my girls that your first kiss is a big deal, and to make sure that it's someone that's special and worth it. That may sound from the dark ages, and I know that it doesn't mean I am able to stop them, but that's what I am going with. We spend a lot of time talking about safe sex and whatnot, but I think we're missing the mark if we're not considering the girls feelings in all this when we talk. We need the facts balanced out with feelings.

I totally wouldn't punish your daughter, and I think you've already done your job by talking to her and keeping the lines of communication open. You say that you've discussed how things can happen fast that she didn't plan to happen. Talk about some "what if" scenario's with her, so she has a plan if she ever finds herself in a place where she is uncomfortable. Ask if she knows anyone that has kissed a lot of boys. What does she think of that?
Good luck with this..... I'm right behind you, my oldest is 11 (who thankfully still thinks boys are gross for the time being)

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  #4  
December 18th, 2008, 03:01 AM
Mamalicious's Avatar Newbies
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3
Quote:
I've been taking a different approach on this, because yes, on the one hand, kissing at 12 is normal. Or it's become normal. Nobody I kissed in junior high was worth it.
I've been telling my girls that your first kiss is a big deal, and to make sure that it's someone that's special and worth it. That may sound from the dark ages, and I know that it doesn't mean I am able to stop them, but that's what I am going with. We spend a lot of time talking about safe sex and whatnot, but I think we're missing the mark if we're not considering the girls feelings in all this when we talk. We need the facts balanced out with feelings.

I totally wouldn't punish your daughter, and I think you've already done your job by talking to her and keeping the lines of communication open. You say that you've discussed how things can happen fast that she didn't plan to happen. Talk about some "what if" scenario's with her, so she has a plan if she ever finds herself in a place where she is uncomfortable. Ask if she knows anyone that has kissed a lot of boys. What does she think of that?
Good luck with this..... I'm right behind you, my oldest is 11 (who thankfully still thinks boys are gross for the time being)[/b]

Thank you for your reply, I am glad that I am not the only one who is thinking of her feelings as well.
I know that we will get through this and appreciatte the suggestions about "what if" funny I never thought of this but I will be using it.

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  #5  
December 19th, 2008, 05:05 AM
~Cupcake~'s Avatar ChristaT
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Upstairs, Ontario
Posts: 14,294
Sounds like you have done a pretty good job to me. Its crazy to look at what 12 is now compared to when we were kids....I still played with Barbie when I was 12...I look at my 13 yr old niece and am just mind boggled
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  #6  
December 19th, 2008, 09:26 AM
Mamalicious's Avatar Newbies
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3
Quote:
Sounds like you have done a pretty good job to me. Its crazy to look at what 12 is now compared to when we were kids....I still played with Barbie when I was 12...I look at my 13 yr old niece and am just mind boggled[/b]


Well to be quite honest, whenever I was 12 I was just about the same. Good thing is I can remember being 12 and this is helpful to my daughter, even if she is unaware of that fact.

I am 30 years old, and I hear that alot, but like I said its all about remembering how life was for yourself.

Thank you for the compliment, I try my nest to keep an open mind when dealing with my daughter.

Merry Christmas!

Quote:
First of all, welcome I'm Chantelle, engaged to Curtis, mommy to Alyssa (15 months) and expecting Rylan in January. I'm from NB..

I think this is all completely normal and I don't really know what else you could do about this.. it's just something that happens at that age in my opinion, and as long as you're sure she knows what can happen and how to avoid it, there isn't much else you can do. I can understand why this is a tough situation for you though..[/b]

Nice to meet you, I agree not much to be done but to educate.

Merry Christmas and yay for your soon to be baby!
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  #7  
January 3rd, 2009, 12:56 PM
(Mayhem)'s Avatar ~!Theresa!~
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 5,174
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I just wanted to say that I agree with the other ladies that you have done everything that could be done, making sure there is open communication.

I came from a stict household and I was always told by my mother to come to her when things like that might happen or had happened but I never would because I didn't feel comfortable and I was always afraid of being in trouble. I had tried with some things and my mom didn't have a good reaction so I shyed away from talking to her when I needed to. Even in this situation where communication had broken down I still felt that I had to take care of myself and I never got into a situation that I didn't want to be in.

I firmly believing the forbiding something is the worse thing that can be done because then there is the added appeal of doing something that you aren't supposed to.


Hope this helps a little! Good Luck!
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