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  #1  
October 4th, 2005, 09:14 AM
mrobinson
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Posts: n/a
You all know, I really want to start a family... but I feel trapped fiscally to go ahead. I don't know - I'm ovulating and I DON'T want to get pregnant this month. I'm scared when I look at the bills. I can't see how it's possible to do it. We live in an area that not top ten by any stretch. We don't have two cars. We eat at home. We've never been on a tropical vacation.... I don't see how everyone else can do it?

I think I'm chickening out... Darcy shares my concerns. Maybe we're not ready to start trying... What if we're the lucky ones and get pregnant the first month? I don't think finances should be dictating this decision but I don't feel free to bring a child into this situation.... any of you have some words about this?
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  #2  
October 4th, 2005, 09:46 AM
PIXIEDUST's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Atlantic Canada
Posts: 10,606
Deciding to have a baby can be scary..I was terrified when we got pregnant with Connor and even more so whenI found out I was pregnant with Isaac..but I trusted that we would be ok..I can't tell you that I still don't worry about money but making the decision to have our kids was best for us..oh and I have never been on a tropical vacation and we don't have 2 cars either..LOL
Sounds like to me that your scared of the what if's that go along with having a baby..take your time ...don't rush into any decisions..wait til your both ready
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  #3  
October 4th, 2005, 11:54 AM
mrobinson
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Thanks Pam!!! I'll let you know what we think as we go... I appreciate the kind works and encouragement.
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  #4  
October 4th, 2005, 12:07 PM
Tiggy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: East Coast
Posts: 6,162
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If people where to wait until they are financially ready, it would never happen. We dont have two cars, we only have 1, and dh takes it to work. Weve never been on a holiday, most we do is drive a couple of hours out.
For eating out, we only do it once a month, and Im a stay at home mom. Once the bills and rent are paid, I then buy groceries and get gas for the van - and then we have no money left. I think its like that for so many mom's now a days too.
Follow your heart, thats important too
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  #5  
October 4th, 2005, 12:11 PM
chlodoll
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If we all waited till the right time no one would be having babies!! Things have a way of working themselves out
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  #7  
October 4th, 2005, 01:24 PM
Natural Blessings's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Alberta/Saskatchewan, Canada
Posts: 1,168
If finances are the only reason you are unsure then take a look at them. Figure out if you are overspending on some areas, if anything can be consolidated, etc.

We planned our first. I was making around $20,000 and dh was making around $20,000 both before taxes and such. What we did not plan on was me getting fired the day I found out I was pg. I was 15weeks. Our income was cut in half. We had bought our house(which is really a double wide trailer on a basement) 4months before getting pg. We had 1 car which we had no pmts on. I found out I was pg May 27. I put my big student loan on interest relief so I didn't have to pay $182/month. By the middle of july we had to go in and get a consolidation loan because we couldn't pay our $38 cable bill. The loan saved us around $60/month. We started paying our mortgage once a month instead of twice saving us $40. A few months later I put my smaller student loan on interest relief saving us another $86/month. When she was born in Nov we had 6 sleepers, the stroller/car seat, a highchair, a bouncy chair which kept falling apart, 1 outfit and 1 package of diapers. My parents came when she was 4days old. We had 1 package of hamburger in our freezer. It was the lowest point we had ever been in. They went out and bought a crib(we had a ugly, hideous cradle mil made out of plywood,lol), $200 of groceries, $200 of meat, plus probably another $200 or more of baby clothes and other various items.

When child tax started coming in we got $140/month because of our previous year's taxes. It increased alot the next year but that didn't come in until July. For the next few years I did alot of babysitting, then we had some renters, then babysitting and currently have both even though we really don't need either.

My oldest will be 7 in a month and we've added 2 more children. Dh is making $51,000/year. We went from our 1992 ford escort to a 88 astro van and finally our 00 camry 3years ago. We also added a 86 truck(traded the escort for my brother's truck,lol), then sold that and got a 88 truck 1 1/2years ago.

Vacations, we travel home(6hours) or visit the odd relative. We keep meaning to take a family one, but usually other family things pop up(I already have 2 for next summer ) and we never have money in the summer. We have more money after Xmas than we do in July, it has always been like this and I cannot figure it out.lol

Tropical vacations: with hurricanes, tropical storms, typhoons, tsunami's do you really want to go tropical?lol

A vacation like a tropical one can be done with kids or after kids. My sister and her dh have gone to some place in the tropics twice that I cannot remember what it is called. The first time it was before kids, the 2nd was last Jan when my nephew was 1. They have gone to Hong Kong once since he was born(he was 4months).

2 vehicles are not needed, especially living in a city that has public transportation. When we only had 1 if I needed the car that day I got up with Tirza and drove dh to work, then picked him up. Getting up to take him to work wasn't fun, I often went in my pj's and Tirza was woken up long enough to get put in her infant seat. When we got back I left her in the seat and put her beside my bed while I went back to sleep.

You do not need to live in a top 10 place to have a child. We live in the poor end of town which is actually beneficial. In the richer sections you need to have the right vehicle and make the right kind of money to be accepted. Even if you do buy the house and the vehicles if you don't have the money for the rest of the lifestyle that is expected than it's not worth it. you'll have alot more money living in a less desireable place. Many people who buy into the new houses and vehicles end up in foreclosure or selling because they can't afford it, especially if being a SAHP is important. 2 full time incomes are needed to live those lives.

Eating at home. I'd rather eat at home than out. The food is done quicker, it is what I want and cooked how I like it. Sure I have to clean up after, but the health benefits of eating at home are worth it. If you could add up the amount of money that some people spend on eating out it'd shock you. A friend of mine doesn't cook. Her dh works in Cuba, they live here. When he is gone they eat out every meal and not always in the cheapest place either. For 4 kids, 1 adult and if they eat 1 day at her moms, for supper alone in a year they spend $5460. The dad works in Cuba for 1 month and then is back for 1 month. When he is home they still eat out over half the time.

My point in all of this is, right now, today if you can afford your mortgage/rent, basic utilities, basic food for 2 of you on dh's wage and any EI you will be receiving plus Child Tax then you can afford a child. Breastfeed instead of formula feed, use cloth diapers instead of disposable, purchase clothes for a baby from the cheaper stores(they do last). For a first child alot of people get what they need from friends, family and friends of family. A person can slowly build up what they have to better things. In 3 years you may have 2 vehicles or be able to buy a house in a better neighborhood.
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  #8  
October 4th, 2005, 02:02 PM
bright future's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Vancouver, Canada
Posts: 7,283
I'll share my experience...

I just turned 30 and found that a few months beforehand... maybe 5 or 6 it just HIT me! I was very apprehensive and then suddenly I just wanted to have a baby and couldn't stop thinking about it. DH kept finding himself watching other people's kids and introducing himself to parents of babies so that he could check out their babies LOL! It became "time" very suddenly for both of us.

That said, when we got pregnant, I was earning a little over $40k/yr and DH was at about $50k/yr... then he got injured, changed jobs, got fired mid july (one week after finding out we were pg) and didn't get an EI cheque until last week (just after putting our mortgage payment on my visa card for the first time )

Now he's going back to school (EI funded due to his back injuries) for a less physically demanding job (driving vs. high rise construction) and won't be back to work until January some time, earning about $45k/yr in time for me to go on mat leave by end of February. Going from $90k/yr combined to about $65k for a year is going to be killer (considering our $200k mortgage, truck loan, consolidation loan etc. etc. etc.)

Despite the financial concerns, we are both TOTALLY still excited about having a baby. I don't know how old you are now, and I think you will feel a little less apprehensive when the time is entirely right, but I bet you wouldn't have any trouble if you did get pregnant. Hang in there!
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http://imseekingbalance.com
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  #9  
October 4th, 2005, 06:37 PM
Toban's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 4,167
It's really tough making that decision to start TTC, isn't it?? We never had the tropical vacations, not even for our honeymoon (we went to West Hawk Lake in Manitoba). We had a second car for about a month, before the second one broke down. We lived in a house that is about the size of most people's livingrooms. We lived in a neighbourhood known for weapons charges, break and enter, and other gang activity.

The big question for me was, how OLD do I really want to be when my kids grow up? Do I want an empty nest by the time I'm 50, and be able to start living life for US again, or did I want to achieve more NOW while I was still young? In the end, we chose to start exactly when we started to talk about it. Two months later, Shayna was concieved.

Go with your heart, not your wallet! Now..... how MANY you have is reasonably dictated by your bank account. LOL

Good luck with your decision!
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  #10  
October 4th, 2005, 09:11 PM
mrobinson
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Posts: n/a
Again - thank you for all your heart-filled advice.

I think Darcy and I decided we are not going to try until we get some more money control... We both think we have a spending issue that needs control first. For now, we'll use protection.
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  #11  
October 5th, 2005, 12:29 PM
~Cupcake~'s Avatar ChristaT
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Upstairs, Ontario
Posts: 14,294
Well you should feel comfortable with your decision and obviously you think you need more time, which is fine! I know that things will be tight with this baby until I can go back to work, and I am STILL worried about that. We are more excited than everything and if we waited for our money issues to be TOTALLY under control Elle would be 5 or 6 and we really wanted the kids close in age.

Good luck in the future when you decide to TTC!
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