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To be completely honest, you would be a lot more selfish to just take your daughter and leave him then going to councelling... By going to councelling you are showing that you are willing to work on this relationship and get past your problems.. How is that selfish?
What is it that he wants you to do? Just go on the way things have been going on? That's not healthy! It's not healthy for you, it's not healthy for him, and it certainly not healthy for Zoe (especially once she gets older and understands more of what is going on)
It's hard to give definate advice not being there in person but to me it sounds like he has some serious growing up to do! His irresponsibility with money sounds very familiar to me... except that when my DH was going through that stage.. I was just as bad as him.. so no one felt like the other was being selfish.. etc...
My DH still sometimes upsets me with irresponsible spending... but it is so minute now compared to the way it was... it no longer causes the blow ups it used to...
ALl that being said, I know of some couples with similar problems that you guys are facing (one of which would be DH's parents... who have been having these horrible nasty fights for over 30 years!), and I think that by going to councelling and seeing if you can work things out you would be doing the best thing for your family! Maybe you can position it to him by saying to him that maybe sometimes you are the one who is overreacting (lol it doesn't sound like you are but who knows) and that a councellor would be able to help both of you with your issues... Maybe he feels that by going into councelling it will be like he is being attacked on all sides or something!!
Finally if he refuses to go to councelling with you, you could always go by yourself and see if they can help you deal with the problems in your relationship, though it obviously would be more beneficial if you could both participate!
I hope you can find a solution that works for you! Leaving him is always an option but I think you should see if there is any way you can fix the relationship first (though that is not always possible of course!) Good Luck and make sure to come back here to vent if you need to!
I am so sorry that you are going through this right now.
That would make me so mad if my husband went out and bought something that expensive without talking to me first. We always talk to each other before making large financial decisions like that.
I agree that you should go to counselling. If he truly wants you to stay and he loves you then he will do this for you. Can you sit down with him and just tell him your feelings on the whole situation? Hopefully if you do see someone it will help him open his eyes to what you are thinking and in turn you can see what he is thinking (on why he feels the need to spend money like that before discussing it)
Please keep us updated on how things are going.
Jen - Mommy to Sydney and Logan
((HUGS)) Sorry your going through a hard time right now. I agree with the councelling thing. I think that sounds like a perfect idea.. You guys arent even married yet and hes acting like this? Does he have cold feet and is looking for reasons to fight with you??
As for the stereo thing.. There would be no way in you know what that he would be going and getting that after living off of limited food for a few weeks. They have an ipod car thing that you can plug into your lighter thing and set the radio to a station and it picks it up for like $5. If its that important to him but theres no way he would EVER get a new stereo.
Im really not sure what else to say its not healthy for you or Zoey to be there if you fight all the time. Good Luck Keep us posted!