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Well things are very bad at the moment. Dh decided on Tuesday that he didn't love me anymore and that he didn't want to stay living with us. So at about 10pm on Wednesday night he left with two suitcases of clothes and went to live at his brother's house which is about one hour away from here.
I am absolutely devastated and can't really believe this is happening. He's left me to look after my 5 year old son and cope with this pregnancy all alone. At the moment I seem to be just crying all the time, and despite all efforts to get him to come home he has decided that he needs time to sort his head out about whether he wants me to be part of his future.
He came back yesterday after he finished work to spend some time with Jamie which is something I suppose, but it was so difficult for me to watch him leave again.
Though I have no regrets about the baby I have inside me, I can't help but wish we'd never tried for another one because I never wanted to be a single mum and I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do it. Does that make me a bad person for thinking that?
I'm so lost at the moment I'm not really sure what I'm doing - luckily work have let me have the last couple of days off, but I have to go back to work Monday just for some normality. I hate him for what he is doing but I still love him so much - does that make sense?
OK that's about it. Hope everyone else is well.
Hun i'm not sure what to say It doesn't make you a bad person thinking that hun.....i would feel the same.Its a real shame we live so far apart .... i would be round there like a shot!
I hope you can sort things out soon.
Thinking of you, Jamie and bump.Take care of youself.
P.s you can text or email anytime hun.
I really don't know what to say and like Net, if i was nearer, i'd drop everything and come to you honey, also it doesn't make you a bad person for thinking like that, at the moment your head will be all over the place, that and your hormones, so although it's not easy for you, try and take care of yourself, do you have family nearby that will lookout for you for the time being?
Although dh says that he's not sure he wants you to be part of his future, he's also said he needs time to sort his head out, and while that's not fair at all on you, try and not make yourself anyworse by trying too hard for him, it's not your fault or Jamie's, it's his, so don't give yourself any more stress.
When he's coming to spend time with Jamie, would it be possible for you to have some one else in and you could go out for an hour or 2with them, even if its just for a drive or a coffee, so it's not too painful to see him and see him leave.
Gordon and i broke up a few years ago, and although i;m not comparing it to what your going through, i can just remember still as if it were yesterday how raw and emotional, and hurt i felt, the best way for me to handle it eventually was to tell him i would bring tierney to him or he could pick her up and take her out, that way it wasn't so hard to watch, and yes while he took her out i sobbed and sobbed, i tried to be okay for her coming back so he couldn;t see the state i was in.
I'm sorry for rambling on Kerry and probably not much help at all, but try and stay strong honey, he could just be going through a phase or being a bit stressed at the moment, and while again i really feel he's been totally unfair to you, try for your own sake to not contact him unless you need to, and just take plenty of rest and try and relax, I know you won't be able to though honey.
I'm thinking of you and i really really hope things sort themselves out honey, i really do. I'll send my mobile number and e-mail address in a pm in case you want it.