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  #1  
February 25th, 2011, 01:02 PM
Ritzbitz's Avatar In love with my daughter
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ok, so i know that we have pretty much no filter here seeing as a lot of us have gotten so close. I come to you with this question (courtesy of last night's private practice!)

If you were having a baby and got an Amnio done and results came back that you were having a child with down syndrome (or ant other medical/mental disability), would you terminate or have the baby any way?

i know this is a hard topic to discuss, and ive given it much thought as well, i am curious to know what you ladies would do. i think we can all answer this without any judgment being made.
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  #2  
February 25th, 2011, 02:16 PM
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I would not terminate the pregnancy. I just personally could not do it.
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  #3  
February 25th, 2011, 02:28 PM
ETanny's Avatar Mamma 2 Moo & Pops
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I wouldnt have amnio done. simple. I will love the child regardless
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  #4  
February 25th, 2011, 02:32 PM
Dirtroads's Avatar Facta Non Verba
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Absolutely not. I chose not have screenings of that type done when I was pregnant because I knew I wouldn't terminate. My doctor brought a valid point up at that time. He said that these test are not always about termination but maybe to give the family a chance to prepare for any "challenges". Good point but I still didn't do it.
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  #5  
February 25th, 2011, 02:48 PM
MommytoaMiracle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I would not terminate.
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  #6  
February 25th, 2011, 03:17 PM
Ritzbitz's Avatar In love with my daughter
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what if Amnio wasnt an option and you had to get it done and found out the child would have some sort of disability, what then.. ?
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  #7  
February 25th, 2011, 03:34 PM
BeccaMenk's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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No matter what disability I would never terminate a pregnancy..even if there was a risk to me..I mean, who are we to choose which babies with which disabilities should live or not live. God created that child just as it is for whatever reason...and usually those babies with disabilities are the ones that bring the most happiness and teach us so much! I think that babies, people, with disabilities are a gift to the world... they have a hidden beauty, even when they are deformed or disabled...and they teach us to look beyond the external person and learn to love all different sorts of people..just because they are human.

Though I want my babies to be healthy..if God sent us a disabled child, I would do my very best to see it as the gift that it is..with all the challenges...God doesn't make mistakes...ever.
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  #8  
February 25th, 2011, 03:56 PM
liltuckers21
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okay this is a hard topic. I agree with the ladies on not terminating due to disability. However I think if I had the test done and something was wrong where it would harm me, I would. I would also terminate if the baby had an illness that would cause the child terrible pain and the baby would not live very long. As selfish as that may sound, I first wouldn't put myself at risk of harm. I think I need to be healthy and able to care for this child. I see it like when you are in a plane and they say put the mask on yourself before helping a child. Second I wouldn't let my baby suffer. As much as that child might be a gift from God, I will still see that child as the same gift but I can't put myself or my family or that child through pain and suffering. I could handle disability but I cannot handle terminal illness.
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  #9  
February 25th, 2011, 05:37 PM
katylady's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I work with Special Needs children so this is a no brainer. Of course I would have the child. There are so many resources to provide a healthy and productive life for child and family.
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  #10  
February 25th, 2011, 05:50 PM
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I agree with the comments above. I would not get amnio done, and I would not terminate. I am a special education teacher, so I know it is possible to maintain a high quality of life, regardless of circumstance. It would be difficult, but I would love the baby regardless.
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  #11  
February 26th, 2011, 08:25 AM
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I dont think I could terminate either. SO many people with DS live normal healthy lives. There are different degrees of the illness so how could I terminate without even knowing the extent.

This is kinda hard hitting for me because a very good friend of mine on a different board just had her baby and found out the baby has DS. Its scary and been hard on her but she still loves her and she is going to be amazing for this baby because she has access to all the resources possible. I know God chose her for a reason and I think she'll be amazing...

Now to follow up on Rita's question...

When I was researching DS(to better understand to help support my friend) it said that people that have a DS child it means they are more likely to have another DS child...would you continue to ttc knowing the higher risk?
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  #12  
February 26th, 2011, 08:41 AM
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I'm going to pipe in because of Amanda's follow up question...

To the initial question, I could not terminate a pregnancy for any reason unless I was forced to due to some extreme health risk to myself. But if it was just because the baby was going to have some sort of disability, no. Possibly if it became apparent that there was some sort of major deformity that would cause its life to be painful. But for just disability no.

To Manda's follow up, if I knew that I was at a higher risk for more children with the same disability/deformity, no. I would discontinue TTC. I may pursue what caused the problem (my eggs, DH's sperm, something with my body's ability to nurture the fetus) and depending on the nature of the problem may explore other options (but in reality couldn't considering DH has already said we won't pursue fertility past things we can inexpensively do ourselves like supplements)
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  #13  
February 26th, 2011, 10:16 AM
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To answer Amanda's question, no I don't think I would continue TTC.
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  #14  
February 26th, 2011, 12:31 PM
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@Manda - please tell your friend to visit Kelle Hampton's blog (Enjoying the Small Things) - she has a daughter w/ DS and her writing is inspiring.

To the question - I think I'd just not have the amnio. I don't think I'd terminate anyway, but I don't think I'd be in a place to make a good decision either way. If I was in danger, I probably wouldn't terminate (though I'd be more likely to consider it), but it would depend on the situation.
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  #15  
February 26th, 2011, 05:25 PM
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I'm intrigued to hear that it is a higher possiblity to have another DS baby. At my work/school, one of the DS girls mom is pregnant. Guess it will be interesting to find out what happens come september or october.

as to manda's question, I would not ttc a second
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  #16  
February 26th, 2011, 06:17 PM
Ritzbitz's Avatar In love with my daughter
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It amazes me how great all you women are. you all have such big hearts.

i dont know if this will make me sound like a horrible person as every child is a gift... but to be honest, if i knew i was having a ds child, i'd terminate. I think that because we are struggling to conceive as i cannot imagine having to raise a child with a disability. I've worked with special needs kids and i know how amazing they are and how great of a potential they have but i think it isnt for me. I am not a strong person when it comes to stressful situations so i do not think i'd be a fit parent for a child with ds. to answer manda's question, if i had a ds child would i try for another? probably not, i think i'd be tainted.

i do not mean to offend anyone and i am sorry if i have with my answer.....
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  #17  
February 26th, 2011, 08:40 PM
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I dont think youre terrible Rita. Quick question though, if you had the amnio and found out that you were having a DS baby and terminated you would not ttc again? You would live a child free life? Just curious.
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  #18  
February 26th, 2011, 09:07 PM
D@mnedYankee's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I don't think I could terminate, I only say Think because I have not been put in that situation.
as for TTC afterwards I dont think I would try for another after that. I do have a friend whose 1st has DS and her 2nd is "normal" but IDK if I could risk it.
and for having the amnio.... if I was at risk for something genetic we would do the test just to be able to prepare but I am just that kind of type A person that would want to over research it for as long as possible to get everything set up
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  #19  
February 27th, 2011, 03:34 AM
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I wouldn't abort.

But if I did end of with a child who has something quite severe, and I knew there was a higher risk of it happening with other pregnancies, I would not continue to TTC.
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  #20  
February 27th, 2011, 08:39 AM
3Sapphires's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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i would not have an amnio done - just loike I do not do the quad screen or cf testing. And I would not see a provider who would not give me an option - btdt didn't even get a rt-shirt, just a nasty scar that could have been totally avoided.

to go with the follow up of would I continue tto ttc - yes I would.

my son was born w/ a hear defect, and the chances of my subsequent children having a heart defect is higher, but my second son is just perfect in every way.

i have faith in God, and if God wanted me to have a child w/ ds or two then that is his will and we would deal with it. And I would love my child no matter what.
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