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The other night my husband and I went out with some friends and he got a little schnockered and of course got a sentimental. After we got home he started talking about how can't wait for us to have a baby and how he wants to be a dad so badly. Well of course it put me into a funk because I feel like less of a woman because I haven't been able to give him a baby yet.
As some of you may remember we took in a friend of ours almost a year ago who was had just been dumped by her boyfriend and was pregnant. Her baby daddy decided to be stupid and rob a bank and is now on his way to prison. Well her son is now 4 months old and so much fun. Well my husband is kind of stand offish sometimes. So the other night we talked about that also and it comes down to jealousy. He loves Ryland but he is jealous that we haven't gotten pregnant yet. I feel so bad for him but there is nothing I can do about it.
I really try very hard to not let it get me down or to let other people see me down but that is really hard sometimes. I have this weird thing about showing and sharing my feelings so as not to seem weak. I feel like I can talk to you guys because you are going through the same things. I really thought my body was going to start cooperating with me. The last 5 month AF has been regular and I am pretty sure I ovulated a couple of times in there then all of a sudden I revert to being irregular again. For the last 2 weeks I have been having AF symptoms but of course no AF. With my insurance being stupid I can't afford to go to the doctor either.
When I got the bill in December I called my insurance company immediately and that is when I was informed that they do not cover private labs. After arguing with them for 45 minutes I got no where. The lady I spoke with informed me that the doctors office can draw my labs and test them. I tried to inform her that since my doctors office has an on site lab they cannot draw and do not have the ability to test them. She eventually hung up on me. So the next day I went to my hr office and explained my argument with the insurance company. She emailed them 4 times and has never gotten a response. Last month was open enrollment and there was a representative of the insurance company there so I scheduled a meeting. I explained my situation and he tried saying that all doctors offices can draw labs and test them. I asked him if he lived in the same town as me and if he did maybe he could direct me to a doctor. His answer was of course not he lives in Chicago. So I informed him that all the doctors in our town belong to the same clinic. So he took my information and told me he would take it in front of the board and get back with me. Well it is now over a month later and nothing. My hr person has been trying to get an answer to no avail again. I guess it is time for me to contact them again and go higher if need be because it has been almost 3 months and I am not waiting much longer.