[Sapphera]

So, my mom has been bugging me that my brother's kids "need a cousin" since they were born (before I met my DH and wasn't dating.. LOL), and then once we got married, my mom immediately started putting on major pressure and so I told everyone to just wait til we'd been married a year before they could even ASK the question .. it's now been a year and a half, still getting the pressure, but I keep pushing it off. Mom always starts with the "you should get going on that, since it might take you a while...". Well, duh.. we've been trying for a year. But, I don't want her to know that we're TTC because she already calls me almost once every 2 days looking for any "news".

Anyone else going through this? How do you deal with the pressure?

It also doesn't help that everyone around us is pregnant or having babies (most on their 2nd or more) ... even kids I babysat are pregnant.. soo.. not only am I pretty down about the whole thing, but it's pretty annoying.

And if I tell my mom or whatever, then I know she'll REALLY start laying it on thick.

[aubers68]

For me it was way better to tell people. When family or close friends ask or mention us having children I'm really forward by saying "We have been trying and are dealing with some issues and actually may not be able to have children." Most people stop right there and don't say anything else. A few others will show some interest and ask questions but rarely bring it up again after that one moment. I do have a cousin who probably every few months "checks in" on us. She's very understanding and I think she just checks in to show she cares and hasn't forgot about us.
Now there are a select few where I will just casually say "hopefully soon" or "we're trying" when they ask. I've learned that "we're trying" is probably one of the worst things you can tell people. This is the time when people decide to chime in with all their advice... "don't try to hard it'll happen" or "go on vacation that worked for my friend".
Anyhow, I totally understand what you are going through though. Because before we found out that I had PCOS my mom and a few really close people in my life would ask me ALLLLL the time "are you pregnant yet?" "any news for me?". UGH I wanted to tell them to just shut up already lol

[3Sapphires]

I have kept it a secret every time we have been ttc - of course with my second we had been ttc for a year, we started ttc when my first was 3 months old. and my mom says "don't you know how babies are made!"

and when we were ttc my first, she kept telling me how much she didn't want to be a grandmother.

she knows I lost baby #3 very early, but she was unsupported about that too.

it is just better if I keep it to myself. infact if I ever get PG again, I am seriously considering not telling her till I find out if it is a boy or girl.

[loveneverfails]

I didn't tell anyone except for a couple of very close friends and NO family up until this past month. I didn't want them to chime in with their opinions or "help" and now that my mom knows she'll randomly call with "oh I saw some pregnancy tests on sale, do you want them?" random little comments like that. I think it worked out better telling her after we knew something was wrong because she laid off she tried for 8 years to have me so she knows what its like when people keep making comments.

We had to tell DH's family recently. We spent 10 days with them this summer(they live a 1000 miles away) and it was horrible. Every day it was a million comments about when were we having kids. Blah blah blah. Well we found out in August about a month after we saw them that DH's little brother's girlfriend is pregnant and they were going to get married in December (three weeks away now). It was a huge deal for DH and I. We were really upset and for a long time we debating on going to the wedding. I had the perfect excuse of being a first year teacher and not having any days to take off yet as I haven't worked a full semester. I only have sick days and can't take them for personal leave. We also were short on money as we were filing for custody hearings for SS. His family kept offering to pay and begged us to come said they would so anything. Finally DH called and told them why it was so hard for us to make the decision to come. They finally stopped. In the end we are going to go, I knew we would it's his brother but it took awhile for us to get over it.

[Amands_Dream]

My husband and I have been through a long HARD road with 10 years of infertility. For other medical issues we took off aprox the last 3 years and the first 2 years we were married we were more not trying not preventing an occasional OPK and we thought it would happen (little did we know) and 1 year we were separated so I could care for my ailing mother in another state and dh couldn't join me and I couldn't move her. So that is 4 years that we really tried with no luck. We did some fertility treatments but not extensive or invasive for personal and financial reasons. Every family member knew at that time and I felt like I had 20 cheerleaders each cycle and that was great but I also had 20 heart breaks each cycle as well.

So my husband and I are a bit older I am a bit more wiser when it comes to PCOS and my cycles and we have deiced to try just 1 last time for 1 more year. We have also deiced to not tell any family members. They have all accepted that fact that we do not have kids and that having kids may not happen for us so for the time being I think that is best. No since in getting their hopes up

[Sapphera]

I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one doing it. I wish I could tell my parents to get my mom off my back, but I really know she'd only make it 10 times worse. A very few close friends know, and they know my issues and such, and they've very respectfully not been bugging me.. but my family would be sooo over the top.

Makes me feel better though..

[catielove]

Our families know we are TTC, but they don't know about my PCOS. I'm starting to regret mentioning to anyone that we are trying. My mom and I have vastly different ideas on parenting and she is constantly trying to change my mind about things I feel very strongly about. It's more irritating than her asking if we're pregnant yet, or telling me she wants to be a grandma again. (I have a 6yo nephew.)

My MIL doesn't want to be a grandma at all, she doesn't think she's old enough yet. (She's in her 50's! AND she's older than my mom!)

I think it's easier to not tell people about the PCOS because I hate all the questions. And I don't want sympathy since I know no one else IRL w/ PCOS. :/

[Carrie429]

We were and still are for the most part, but my parents now know. I had planned not to tell anyone but my mom is one of my best friends so I did end up mentioning it to her and we are in the process of moving into our new home and in all the stress I slipped it to my dad (but with the moving and stress pretty sure we're out this cycle anyway).

I didn't want to tell anyone because I don't want comments mainly of the "trying for a girl" variety. While we'd love a daughter, we're perfectly happy with 3 boys if thats what we end up with. The other reason was my parents were aware of our struggles with Parker and my first pregnancy was high risk and complicated so now my Dad worries I'm risking my health (my 2nd pregnancy had some issues but no bed rest and pretty much normal, just some BP issues at the end).