[aubers68]

This is probably going to turn into a book. But I really want to know what others think, maybe some advice even would be great.

I will try to make this part short, DH and I, before we were married, lived with my mom and dad until I was 22. We did not have to pay rent, but we are pretty responsible individuals and know the cost of living for a family; so we would help out financially when we could. We paid our own car payment, insurance and cell phone bills. We would help my parents with food and often pitch in a little money here and there towards "their" bills.


Now, for the past few years my younger brother (now 21, almost 22) lives back home. He had moved out for about 2 years but it went sour with his (crazy) roommate and he had to move back home. He is usually a pretty sociable/family type person, although he does have his "young rebellious side". Pretty recently, I would say within the last 6 or 7 months, he started seeing this girl. She is 27. Now, I don't usually judge when it comes to the age thing, but right away there was something about her that made all of us (my family) a little standoffish, none the less we gave her a chance. She was working 2 jobs and going to beauty school and lived in a house with her cousin that from what I hear was gorgeous. NOW she stopped going to beauty school, she lost both jobs, got a DUI and has been living in my brothers room for the past 4 or 5 months. We have no idea how her car is getting paid, but I personally feel my brother is paying it. Her loan for her lawyer was paid for by my brother because she is jobless and her mom, whom lives 3 states away couldn't pay it. She stays at my parents, in my brothers room and hardly socializes with anyone. She will walk in, say hi and go right upstairs to his room, wether he is home or not. My brother, who was once a pretty sociable person has started to do the same. We know my brother smoke, he has his card.... but it seems like thats all SHE does. My brother works, but ever since she has come around it seems as though SHE is dragging him down and he's being scheduled much less. He also quit going to school right when she started coming around. It's such a mess, I feel so bad for my parents. They don't help out financially, my mom gets pretty much stuck paying for my brothers cell phone because he is on her account and he hardly ever pays her when he's supposed to. They both sleep there, bathe there, do their laundry there and have the tV on almost all day. My mom says when she gets up for work in the morning "she" is sleeping, and when my mom gets home at around 1:30 "she" is still sleeping!!! My mom says she never sees her until my brother gets home and gets her *** up and motivated. We just don't understand it all. None of us understand WHY he is with her. My dad wants them to start paying rent, $100 EACH a month. I think it's pretty reasonable considering they are adults and can't plan to live off mommy and daddy. And this girl, 27!!! With no job, no plan, and living in MY parents house, taking advantage of them. I really believe it's unfair of both of them to put my parents in this position. My dad is going to be laying the law but my mom is in such denial because she feels like it will push my brother out, and that if anything happens to him it will be her(my moms) fault. But I try to tell her, he IS taking you for all you have, being disrespectful and pushing the limits. I'm sort of rambling but little parts here and there are coming to my mind and I'm trying to just throw it all together. I wish I was more of an outspoken person so I could confront this girl. I really and truly feel she has drug my brother down and is ruining who he is.


Ohhhh and a little add on, this girl, 27, with a gorgeous body, will walk right out from my brothers room, in a towel to go to the bathroom to shower, RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FATHER. I'm sorry but that is absolutely disrespectful to not only him, but to my mother. Ugh this is making me so sick, but I had to vent to someone. If you made it this far... thanks for "listening" lol There's tons more I'm sure but I just couldn't seem to fit it all in.


Ps my brother has a very strong personality, one that makes it hard to have heart to hearts with him because he starts to get defensive and feel like the world is against him when he's done no wrong.

[*Manda*]

I'm sorry hun That's totally NOT okay! She is way too old to be mooching. She needs to do something. And I can't believe your brother even puts up with that. I don't blame your dad wanting to charge them rent and that is WAY reasonable!

[melissamarie247]

oh wow! I have no idea how I would handle any of that.. not much advice here just an ear to listen to your vent.. However, bear minimum... making her wear clothes at all times unless physically in the shower would be a smart call from your parents as home ground rules. That is not acceptable or proper at all!!

[-Brandy-]

Wow, this girl needs to go! At 27 all she is doing is laying around and sleeping all day- what possible future can someone have like that- much less what can they contribute to a relationship? Your parents need to lay the boundaries...such as clothing is not optional and neither is contributing.
Sorry your parents are having to deal with this.

[sandibeach]

I agree, Your parents need to set some boundaries. There is a great book out there called Boundaries, btw, and it talks about how to set them up in a loving way. I don't really have any advice, but it is certainly understandable why you would be upset and frustrated!

[LauraTTCat42]

I have seen first hand how a situation like this can slowly break down family ties.

I am really sorry your parents are going through all of this. I totally get where your mom is coming from about pushing your brother out and feeling it would be her fault if something happens to him. But she has to know it won't be her fault and as an adult your brother needs to take responsibility for himself.

Aside from setting down some basic house rules while he and the mooch are there, your parents should also set a time limit on his stay in the house. Reassure him they love him "Son we know you are having a rough time right now and trying to find your feet, and we love you and are here for you" then make him think about the position he is putting them in "but we can only sustain your living here for a short period of time" set the time limit "so we are prepared to give you ___ months here to figure things out and then you will need to move forward with your life and get your own place and be independent." set the rules "You will need to contribute while you are here, so we will expect no less then $___ per month."

Attacking, blaming, mentioning or otherwise addressing his girlfriends shortcomings to him will only enrage him if he feels strongly for her, and in the end will give him a mini arsenal for retort. Keep her out of any discussions, make it about him. It's not fair at all on your parents for her to even be there, but she has become a part of your brothers life no matter how anyone feels about her or how useless she is. He needs to see for himself how much she is dragging him down and he won't be able to under your parents roof.

This is a really bad situation and I wish your parents the strength to get through it.

[MamaAnna]

I wanted to add that from her sudden failure when she had somebody to depend upon fully seems like that's what she was looking for in the first place. Your brother needs to be forced to grow up and have a reality check. He needs to understand the weight of his expenses as well as his girlfriend's or he's not going to clean up his act. From everything you've said I would imagine if they're forced to leave and lounging around all day ceases to be an option she'll leave him soon after. It may take him some time, and you should never say it was done primarily because of her (that could cause him to hide future relationships), but he will forgive your parents for forcing him to grow up.

[aubers68]

I guess they went and looked at a house last night... makes me a lil sick knowing he would rather move out then help my parents out instead of free loading... but maybe this will be a good thing. And hopefully she freaking steps up and gets a **** job to help him, or he will (hopefully) begin to see how it really is.... having a freeloader on his hands.

[MamaAnna]

I have Beauty School Drop-out from Grease stuck in my head now. Just FYI.

[*Manda*]

Beauty school dropouuuuuuuuuuut go back to highschooooooooooool

That scene always weirded me out a slight bit.

[MamaAnna]

He came across very pervy.

[~* Natasha *~]

Ok, with the Grease reference, you all are cracking me up!!

Aubrey hunny, I don't have any great advice, but I'm just so sorry your family is facing this!! But just know that whatever is going on, you can always vent to us.

I think it's terrible that they would rather move out and all that rather than help your Mom and Dad. Honestly, sounds like they both need to grow up and learn what real responsibility is!

Thing is, I hope that once they move out, and fail, they don't come crawling back to your parents to mooch off them again.... Maybe once they move out, they will learn responsibility and everything will be much better!