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emsketch's TTC journal


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  #21  
February 4th, 2011, 09:37 PM
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Technically CD 10 since it is after 12.

I started temping vaginally. I hope that it will result in less fluctuation and an easier to read chart. DH thought that I had lost my mind! My alarm went off and I grabbed my thermometer and took my temp. He looked at me like I was freaking crazy! It was so funny, he looked so confused and weirded out. Once I explained it to him he was much more understanding of it all. The look on his face was priceless though! I am really hoping that I have a normal cycle this time, because if I do then I will be fertile next weekend and that would be one heck of a way to spend Valentine's Day!
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  #22  
February 7th, 2011, 09:06 PM
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CD12, technically 13 since it is after midnight, but whatever!

I think I may O a little early this cycle. Started with some watery cm today, so the ecw should not be far behind. I got a negative on my opk today, but expected that. I have a really good feeling about this. Maybe it is just because this is my first cycle trying, but I am going to stay positive!
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  #23  
February 9th, 2011, 07:27 PM
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CD14. Positive opk this afternoon. I am using digital, because I have a really hard time with the lined ones.

DH is killing me though. He hurt his arm at work and is having performance issues that he is blaming on that. I am trying to keep my cool with him, but looks like no bd tonight and that is pissing me off. I have put a lot of work into this. I only need him to do one thing and he is not. Ugh.
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  #24  
February 10th, 2011, 09:57 PM
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CD 15.

Oed today. I had horrible O pains the first half of the day. DH finally got his crap together and we were able to give it a shot this morning. He was flakey on me again tonight. I swear, if it does not happen this cycle I will have a really hard time not blaming him. I know that is horrible to say, but I have put a lot of work into this and he would rather sleep than give me 5 minutes of his time. I am being harsh, but I needed to get it off my chest, He is a good guy, and he gets little sleep as it is, working 3rd shift and taking care of Stella during the day. But I only needed one thing from him, one thing. Ugh again.
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  #25  
February 11th, 2011, 06:40 AM
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CD 16, 1 DPO and I am not speaking to DH. He can spend Valentine's day alone for all I care.


Afternoon:
Still having some really low cramps, may still be O pains, I don't know. Boobs are still sore as anything and my temp is stable. I have not got cross hairs on FF yet, but I firmly believe that I Oed yesterday. Since I got my positive opk, Dh and I have dtd once. Freaking once! That night his arm hurt. The next night he was too tired. This morning he stopped at the (insert explitive here!) store on his way home from work, not for anything we needed, just to go, so that blew this morning. He is the one who initially showed interest in having a second child. He has been the one who has been counting down the days until we would be trying. He is the greatest father in the world and should have more kids. Yet, he is the one who may have sabatoged this month. I am so angry, disappointed, confused with him right now that I cannot speak to him because I know how my temper is and I will lose it and say hateful things that I do not mean. Let's just say that if I do not get a BFP this month I will have a hard time not laying the blame on him.
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Last edited by emsketch; February 11th, 2011 at 02:01 PM.
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  #26  
February 11th, 2011, 07:37 AM
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Oh man, Liz, that stinks! I'm so sorry!
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  #27  
February 13th, 2011, 09:11 AM
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CD18, 3DPO

I am in such a crappy place right now. I was texting a friend of mine last night who is also really good friends with DH and she dropped a freaking bomb on me. She told me "I hope that you and Patrick work everything out. Good luck with having another, but I think Patrick has other plans." Through a series of texts I come to find out that my husband does not trust me. He thinks that I have cheated on him. WTH?!?!?!?! I have never, ever and I would never do that to him. He told her that he found a pair of men's underwear that are not his. He asked me about it, and I told him the truth, that I have no idea whose they were or where they had come from. I had found them in the laundry and put them in his drawer. I had never seen them before, but I just assumed that he had bought a new style. Anyway, that was months ago. He has never brought it back up, but he is apparently bothered about it and talking to our friends about it. Now I am begining to think that he actually was purposefully avoiding me this month when it was time to BD. We are having a date night tonight and I really want to bring it up, but I also want to have a really great night since we have not had a date night in a really long time and I know that bringing it up will ruin that. But if he seriously thought that I was cheating on him would he not bring it up to me? Ugh. I am losing my freaking mind over this.
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  #28  
February 13th, 2011, 09:13 AM
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Liz, I am so sorry, that is terrible. Lots and lots of hugs for you!
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  #29  
February 15th, 2011, 02:13 PM
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CD20 5DPO

I breasts are a little tender and the stupid headaches are back. Yea. I want to test so bad, but I know that there is no point this early. Dh and I had a wonderful date on Sunday and then spent all day shopping with Stella yesterday. I have not had a chance to talk to the friend that was feeding me all of the drama the other day (and to be honest, I don't really care to), but I have a feeling that DH may have told her that stuff before he asked me about the whole thing. I don't know, she is full of drama and I think she likes to make sure that other's lives are also.
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  #30  
February 16th, 2011, 07:53 PM
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CD21 6DPO

I went and bought some $store tests yesterday so that I can satisfy my need to poas and not go broke. Took one last night, knowing it would be negative, but I just had to do it. I think it will hold me over until this weekend. Ideally I want to test on Monday, so that I can call my doc if I do get a BFP, but I doubt that I will be able to wait that long. No real symptoms to speak of. Breasts are a bit tender, but that is about it.
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  #31  
February 21st, 2011, 03:48 PM
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Cd26 11dpo

Tested this morning and got a BFN. Still having sore boobs, but that is also a sign of pms for me. I had some sharp cramping low in my pelvis yesterday AM. A little like O pains, but sharper. Hoping it was implantation cramping, but I really don't know. I have tested 5 times in the last 5 days. I understand now why the 2ww sucks so bab. Af is due on Sat and I will not be testing again unless she is a no show. That crap it just too expensive.
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  #32  
February 23rd, 2011, 06:30 AM
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CD28 13dpo

I think I am out. My temp dropped this morning, and my symptoms have subsided. Now I just want that witchy to show up so we can get on with the next cycle.
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  #33  
March 2nd, 2011, 06:54 AM
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So I am back here.
I got my beta back today and it was 18. The nurse said that what likely happened was it only partially implanted. I had some spotting, but it has stopped. I am cramping now though. I am still having another beta drawn tomorrow, but I am not naive enough to know that is is going to have the result that I want. I have a world of phone calls to make. I need to cancel appoitments, make new appointments, and figure out where everything stands. I also have to get back on my coumadin. I am so overwhelmed.

We may be back to waiting to TTC, DH and I need to talk it over, and it will depend on how long it takes for my cycle to even out.

I fully realize that I am not the first person to ever experience something like this, but I have never gone through this and it is just plain cruel. I do not understand how people remain sane after multiple losses. My emotions range from sad to mad as hell. I really feel like I would benefit from punching something right now. I won't, but I know it would feel good. Every cramp makes me cry, then I feel sorry for myself, then I get angry again. And my eyes will not stop leaking, even when I am not actively crying, tears are still flowing. Stella keeps bringing me tissues and asking me if I am ok. She is a lifesaver.

So that is where I stand. Completely unsure of everything, and feeling like I am going to lose my mind. I know it will get better, but right now it sucks hard.
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  #34  
March 2nd, 2011, 08:32 AM
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Liz, I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish I had something helpful to say, but I know there is nothing I can do to make this easier for you. Please know I'm thinking of you and hoping with time you'll find some peace.

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  #35  
March 4th, 2011, 07:30 AM
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Liz, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It just plain sucks. Feel free to hit and punch anything you want. I spent a week in bed. Just know that it is nothing you did and we are all here for you.
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  #36  
March 4th, 2011, 06:49 PM
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(((HUGS)))

I am so sorry
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  #37  
March 5th, 2011, 12:07 PM
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CD 3
I have got to be the most impatient person. When I found out I was miscarrying I just wanted the bleeding to start so I could get on with things. Then the bleeding started and I just want that to end so I can start temping again. I hate having to wait, and I need to get over that.
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  #38  
March 19th, 2011, 11:49 AM
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cd17. Still waiting to O. I am using opks twice a day. I have had no O symptoms at all. One day of noticable cm, but that was it. Seems like this is going to be a long cycle.
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  #39  
March 22nd, 2011, 02:13 PM
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CD20. I think I might O soon based on my symptoms, so were are busting out the pre-seed and doing the deed. This cycle DH seems to be taking it more seriously. I think that after the loss last month he has fully realized how much he wants another child.
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  #40  
March 23rd, 2011, 02:27 PM
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CD21
I got a positive opk last night and this morning. I think that I Oed about an hour ago. I know it might sound silly, but I have very obvious O pain. And so begins the 2ww. I refuse to test before 14dpo. That is when I got my BFP last cycle, and all of the tests before then we just wasted money. I do have a couple of $store tests and MAYBE I will test with those earlier, we shall see.
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