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Scared but Excited to be Posting Here.....(pregnancy mentioned, pics included)


TTCAL Journals & Graduates

TTCAL journals, graduates, success stories, bfp pictures.

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  #1  
October 10th, 2010, 08:27 AM
MamaRN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 8,300
Hi All,

Looks like maybe I am the first to post here? Most of you know me... I am Kim, (34) and DH and I have a 15 month old little girl who is the light of our life. When she was almost 9 months we got PG again and were sooo excited, but I started with spotting around 6 weeks and was diagnosed with a subchorionic hemorrhage, which for those that don't know is a bleed/clot between the placenta and the uterus. It only happens in less than 1% of pregnancies, and in that 1% only 3-7% go on to lose the pregnancy, so I was hopeful. But after 2 weeks of spotting, heavy bleeding and clots which came and went, and 3 ultrasounds that showed my baby was fine and growing right on track, I had a terrible hemorrhage at home one night and the next day we went back for yet another u/s and our baby had died. I can't remember a sadder time in my life than lying in the quiet dark ultrasound room watching my baby's still form just floating in darkness, with no heart beat, and no movement. I was so crushed, and still ache for him every day. We were told that my risk of developing another SCH with a subsequent pregnancy was still less than 1%.... but somehow I am not comforted by that because against all the odds I got one before and my baby still died.

Fast forward 4 months after our loss of TTC and feeling so low and discouraged and this past week I wasn't feeling quite right so I tested at 10 DPO (mind you I have never gotten a BFP before 12 DPO before!) and sure enough, BFP!

So we are excited, scared, anxious, ecstatic.... I have so many mixed emotions. I am afraid to plan ahead and find myself saying "If I am still PG, or if we have the baby..." It is awful to be robbed on the joy that comes with pregnancy, but I am really hoping and praying that as time goes by, and after our first early ultrasound (nov 3rd, please get here!) that there will be no bleed this time and the baby will have a strong HB and everything will be OK.

So for now I am just going to live day to day, and thank God every day I wake up and am still pregnant, and love knowing and feeling that I am as long as it lasts... and if it isn't meant to be I will have to deal with the grief and pain again when it happens.

I hope you will all say a prayer that this baby is OK and that I can carry him or her to term... I will continue praying for all of you, because I never would have made it these past 4 months without you!!

Here's few pics of my test progression for anyone who wants to see!

Here was the digi I took 10 DPO after I was sure I was hallucinating on my FRER:



My first 3 FRERS, 10, 11 & 12 DPO:



and the same 3 + 1 extra FRER, from 10, 11, 12, & 13 DPO. Can you tell I still can't believe it?

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Last edited by MamaRN; October 10th, 2010 at 08:30 AM.
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  #2  
October 12th, 2010, 12:08 PM
Celena's Avatar Proud JM hostess
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I'm so happy for you honey, YAY here's to a happy and Healthy 9 months!!!
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  #3  
October 12th, 2010, 12:12 PM
ohnicole's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 5,756
I'm so excited for you!!!!
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