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QOTD, Tues June 23


Forum: Catholic Parenting

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  #1  
June 23rd, 2009, 04:39 AM
Julka
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How do you & DH resolve your arguments and disagreements? Do you have a special time of day or do it whenever it happens? Do you fight infront of the kids or try avoiding that?
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  #2  
June 23rd, 2009, 06:17 AM
lizzy27's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We do talk it out in front of the kids, unless it is getting heated and then we'll cease discussion and continue later after bedtime. One of us usually says we're getting frustrated or angry and that we need to take a break and readdress the issue later. I don't know which is the right way or wrong way, I think it's important to show the kids all the ranges of your emotion but expressed appropriately so they learn how to express their emotions appropriately. Maybe one good way of handling it would be to stop when it's getting heated and pray together for a peaceful resolution and for God's will.
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  #3  
June 23rd, 2009, 09:15 AM
SavaAngel's Avatar Mama to AJ & Katie
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We try not to "fight" in front of AJ but we will have discussions and disagreements in front of him. Like Lizzy - if it gets to be too much we cease and talk it over later - usually much more calmly.

I grew up in all out arguments and grew up feeling very uncomfortable when people disagreed - and I was never sure what a little disagreement would turn into. DH grew up where his parents never had discussions or arguments in front of him - they still don't and he is almost 30! I feel like AJ needs to know that marriage, relationships, parenting isn't all roses, that there are some rough times.
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  #4  
June 23rd, 2009, 11:46 AM
Julka
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We've had a few "blowouts" infront of the kids, but really maybe only 2. We've agreed not to do it again, especially now that they're getting older. But usually we really don't argue much, we disagree from time-to-time but it's not a full argument.

When we first got married, I used to give DH silent treatments that could last a whole weekend, and now looking back, I feel awful. But that is pretty much how it was growing up - we had fights and we didn't speak for days, months, years... My father & I didn't speak with each other for um, 7 years at one point, all the while living under one roof. It was crazy. But to me, it was "normal".

In DH's house, he told me, they just yell at each other and even though it gets loud, people kind of express their feelings and eventually reach some agreement. Silent treatments are unheard of.

But I really am going to try and never get into fights infront of the kids, but rather when they're asleep. My parents fought infront of us ALL THE TIME and it didn't do us any good at all.
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  #5  
June 24th, 2009, 07:20 AM
mswordwiz's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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How do you & DH resolve your arguments and disagreements?

We rarely disagree, which is a good thing. If there is a disagreement, it is held in our room away from the kiddos and I will have my parents come and get them. We don't raise voices if there is an emergent need to deal with the issue right then and there. but we announce we need privacy and we need 15 min with a timer going.

We try to have a family discussion between the 2 of us away from the kids over breakfast between his shifts and mine a few times a week before shifts start.

Do you have a special time of day or do it whenever it happens? Usually over breakfast away from the house.


Do you fight infront of the kids or try avoiding that?

Our kiddos are very sensitive to discussions. One time I mentioned something about budgeting and I made the off handed comment to DH that "we will run out of money before payday" referring to the household account that we both put money in and this was his hint that he needed to do a money transfer. Leigh burst into tears thinking we would give her and her brother away, she offered to sell her toys and other things. We really try to hold sensitive topic discussions now out of the house and away from the "satellite ears".
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