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Oh my gosh I don't like myself at the moment, ugh!
I'm upset and I know I shouldn't be. I shouldn't be and I am. So now I'm upset with myself for being upset...that's awesome isn't it?
Tonight was the dinner auction for the kids school. I knew the $650 I was willing to bid on Courtney's class project was probably not enough, but gosh darn it did I want it so bad that I wanted $650 to be enough...it went for $850. I just absolutely need to figure out how to go with $1000 next year and hope that is enough. One of the 5th grade ones went for $3600 so it might not be, but I want it to be!
I wish I didn't want it to so bad. It isn't like a cure for cancer. Something awful didn't happen, I didn't win an auction item. I had a good night, my first "date" since Terra was born. We enjoyed time just the two of us. We mingled with other parents, which I so desperately want to do more often.
We saw the teachers, the priest, etc. having a good time. It should just be a happy thing, and I gave the school $70 for two photos and a dessert. And yet, I find myself down. I know it will pass, I just wish I didn't feel so down about something that shouldn't mean this much. I wish I wasn't like that. Though I am a little comforted that when one of the 6th grade classes auction finished the two ladies who were having a bidding war were sitting right next to me and the one who lost, broke down in tears right there, and I have not, nor will I most likely, cried, so I'm not alone. I bet though, she went to sleep fine, and I sit here alone not sleeping cuz when I'm emotional I have a hard time doing that. I'm sure I'll sleep fine tomorrow, but tonight...I wanted that Angel .
Oh well, here's to hoping the 4th grade one is even better.