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Need some advice for the baby shower


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  #1  
June 9th, 2010, 03:13 PM
Jillinebinny's Avatar Veteran
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I'm hoping you ladies can give me some good advice and input...

So my baby shower is probably going to be the first week in Aug and i need some advice.

This is our second child. But, our first passed away after she was born. We knew before hand that she would not live so i never had a baby shower. But, before i was even pregnant with Grace i got pretty much all the baby items i *need* (from church, freecycle and craigs list). I am pretty much set when it comes to baby.

There are a few items that i could use, but they are either expensive, or random (like a washer and dryer, car seat, baby socks, diaper pail, and some other random things).

Because of not really needing anything, and then the items i need being random and such, i am not registering. I'm also not registering because i find that most things that are in the baby section i don't need and won't use.

So i'm kinda at a loss of what to do for the baby shower. A very big part of me just wants to ask nicely for cash, since it's what we could really use the most. The pregnancy came unexpected (we were planning on waiting at least 6 more months) and with everything that happened with Grace's pregnancy, and some things that have come up with this pregnancy, we could really just use the cash (whether for getting the washer and dryer, having extra funds to DH can stay home longer with the baby, building up our emergency fund again since it's pretty much gone, or just putting in baby's college fund).

Some have told me to just let people get me stuff and then return it, but i've found that many people don't give you a receipt with the gift (i got i think 2 with our wedding gifts....), or *if* they do, that most stores will only let you exchange the item, or give you credit for the department in the store, they don't give you cash, so that really doesn't help me, since i don't *NEED* anything really from the baby section. (something i should probably mention is the fact that we are doing things a bit, different i guess and we are going minimal for the baby. We are co-sleeping (so no nursery), cloth diapering (i've made them and so we don't need diapers), baby wearing (i have slings), breastfeeding (have what i need lol), etc etc. I just don't believe in all that extra stuff for baby (like exersaucers and such))

Others have said that some people can't afford gifts (or to give cash) so they make things. That is fine, i understand that, and to me, a homemade gift means *much* more than a store bought one.

And then even others have told me that i'm being selfish and that it's people's rights to buy me baby stuff, that it's what they like to do and that is the reason for a baby shower so i should just let them. But i thought a baby shower was to get the mother (and father) most ready for baby?

Some ideas i've had is saying something like this:

"As you know this is our second child, and because of that, all of their physical needs are met. In lieu of purchasing a gift, a donation towards Daddy's paternity leave would be appreciated for Baby's emotional needs"

Or we could change that to say something like "donating towards baby's college fund", or "buying big ticket items" or whatever.

Another idea i've had is still asking for cash, but also having a sign up for people to make and bring freezer meals 2 weeks before so we don't have to cook after baby and that way people can still feel like they are *doing* something to help you know? Or even having the options of cash (if they feel willing), meal, or a book to start their library....

So what do you guys think? Have any of you been in a similar situation? how would you handle this?? What do you recommend?

If any of this doesn't make sense, please feel free to ask me to clarify.

Thanks ladies!
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  #2  
June 9th, 2010, 03:26 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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I was in exactly the same boat. The only things I returned after Cora died were my packages of diapers and wipes, so I had everything. I actually requested people to give us clothes 6m or bigger, because everybody who was coming were college students and poor and made things anyway.

I think "in lieu of purchasing a gift" line is a good one.

As for the meals, is your relief society going to be bringing you anything? Although, with a big baby boom your way is probably better. When Erin was born our ward had so many babies that only 2 meals were brought to us (well, my VT cheated and did 2 for me instead of just one, since they were having a family bbq outside her apartment building and she just told us to wander over, lol). With Patrick, however, he had a month on either side of him so we had meals for a while week.


Anyway, I don't think that what you are thinking of is unreasonable. But maybe that's because I went through it too.
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  #3  
June 9th, 2010, 03:47 PM
Jillinebinny's Avatar Veteran
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brittanie View Post

As for the meals, is your relief society going to be bringing you anything?


Anyway, I don't think that what you are thinking of is unreasonable. But maybe that's because I went through it too.
I don't know about my RS. I kinda don't want to even bother because of how things went after Grace....

We had moved into the ward 2 weeks before but like 3 months before we moved i made sure my best friend (she was in the ward) had told the RS president of our situation and what was happening so she would know (i also found out later a relative talked to someone in the bishopbric). Well, she told us just to let her know when i was out of the hospital and she would have meals for us. My sister called and told her when we were out (on a thursday) and on sat we still hadn't received a meal (*thankfully* a friend brought us 2 pizzas so we were able to live off of that). I finally called her on sat and she said that "she thought we had meals in the freezer from before" (we had 1 meal brought before we went to the hospital, and of course we ate it all). She then said that nothing could be brought that night, but someone would bring something sunday and then every other day for a week, and after i week i "should be feeling much better". (i think she meant physically since there was NO WAY i felt emotionally better after a week).

Needless to say the whole thing kinda upset me. If we had known before hand that we wouldn't of had meals, i would have stocked up and have people bring us stuff, but she said it would be taken care of...but it wasn't...i really feel the ball was dropped on that one...(i'm sorry if me complaining about this offends...it just really hit a wrong note with me.....)

But we'll see, she's not the president anymore so maybe they will be better? But i'd rather already have things in the freezer you know? That way i don't need to make sure i'm up, or home at a certain time for someone to drop something off....

And thank you for your advice, it helps to hear it from someone who's been there...
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  #4  
June 9th, 2010, 04:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jillinebinny View Post
"As you know this is our second child, and because of that, all of their physical needs are met. In lieu of purchasing a gift, a donation towards Daddy's paternity leave would be appreciated for Baby's emotional needs"

Or we could change that to say something like "donating towards baby's college fund", or "buying big ticket items" or whatever.

Another idea i've had is still asking for cash, but also having a sign up for people to make and bring freezer meals 2 weeks before so we don't have to cook after baby and that way people can still feel like they are *doing* something to help you know? Or even having the options of cash (if they feel willing), meal, or a book to start their library....
I like what you said, another suggestion might be "in lieu of purchasing a gift bring over an easy to make recipe and the ingredients to help us with meals after the baby comes." or something like that.

Do you need a car seat? I was just thinking that if you're not throwing the shower for yourself, why don't you ask whoever is throwing it for you, to try and get a group gift for a carseat? I'm not trying to be snotty or insult anybody but I think it's a bad idea to get a car seat from freecycle or craigslist, since it's being given away/sold if it's not obviously right out of the box brand new, you have no idea if it's been in an accident and if a carseat has been in an accident it's unsafe to use anymore. Again, I'm not trying to sound snotty, but it's just safer if it's a brand new you-take-it-out-of-the-box carseat, that's all.
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  #5  
June 9th, 2010, 05:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rjsmith1996 View Post

Do you need a car seat? I was just thinking that if you're not throwing the shower for yourself, why don't you ask whoever is throwing it for you, to try and get a group gift for a carseat? I'm not trying to be snotty or insult anybody but I think it's a bad idea to get a car seat from freecycle or craigslist, since it's being given away/sold if it's not obviously right out of the box brand new, you have no idea if it's been in an accident and if a carseat has been in an accident it's unsafe to use anymore. Again, I'm not trying to sound snotty, but it's just safer if it's a brand new you-take-it-out-of-the-box carseat, that's all.
A carseat is something we do need, and if we got cash, that is probably what we would use it for (the one i want right now is about $150). A friend is going to let us borrow her infant seat for about the first 3 months, but at some point, we're gonna need one, so yeah, it's something i'd probably get with cash if we got any.
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  #6  
June 9th, 2010, 05:11 PM
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People don't usually know what to buy for a surprise gender, so I wouldn't worry too much about people giving you clothes (except onesies). I think the book idea is great, also the meal idea, but I have to say I always think it's tacky when people ask for cash. I know it's what you need most...but still I think it's tacky whenever I see that on wedding announcements and such.

I think RJ had a fantastic suggestion about the person in charge of the shower initiating a "group gift". That's what we did for my SIL. She was expecting twins and needed some bigger ticket items, so anyone who wanted to participate just sent the money to the coordinator. In the end I think they just gave her the $ and said this is for _______.
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  #7  
June 9th, 2010, 05:17 PM
Jillinebinny's Avatar Veteran
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elsa View Post

I think RJ had a fantastic suggestion about the person in charge of the shower initiating a "group gift". That's what we did for my SIL. She was expecting twins and needed some bigger ticket items, so anyone who wanted to participate just sent the money to the coordinator. In the end I think they just gave her the $ and said this is for _______.
Yeah, i think that is how we are going to have to word it. Cause we're not asking for cash just to have cash, it's to get things for the baby that people won't be able to easily get us on their own (like the carseat, or maybe so DH can stay home longer from work). But i think it we put something like "we'll have a meal sign up and if you want to donate towards _____ contact ____" that will probably work (i'm sure we can find a better way of saying that though....)

Thanks for the input
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  #8  
June 9th, 2010, 05:23 PM
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Oooh I like that idea, so excellent!!! and not the least bit tacky.
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  #9  
June 9th, 2010, 05:35 PM
Jillinebinny's Avatar Veteran
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elsa View Post
Oooh I like that idea, so excellent!!! and not the least bit tacky.
Oh good, cause we don't want to look tacky now lol
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  #10  
June 10th, 2010, 08:12 AM
broncos08's Avatar paiently waiting
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I like that in leu of gifts thing. or the group gift idea, letting them know that there are big ticket items that are needed. also i have an awesome lasanga recipie that stays frozen really well. I made it for a friend in my old ward who had a baby. (though i got a call the night before saying she needed it, but that's another story....) if you want it, let me know!
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  #11  
June 10th, 2010, 08:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by broncos08 View Post
I like that in leu of gifts thing. or the group gift idea, letting them know that there are big ticket items that are needed. also i have an awesome lasanga recipie that stays frozen really well. I made it for a friend in my old ward who had a baby. (though i got a call the night before saying she needed it, but that's another story....) if you want it, let me know!
Thanks. I think we'll say we have a big ticket item that people can donate towards.

And yes for the recipe! My husband LOVES pasta (he can eat 4-5lbs easily in a week!), so i think i'll be wanting a lot of dishes like that LOL

Thanks
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  #12  
June 10th, 2010, 09:29 AM
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Sent you a message with it!! Enjoy!
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  #13  
June 10th, 2010, 09:39 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by broncos08 View Post
Sent you a message with it!! Enjoy!
Thank you!
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  #14  
June 10th, 2010, 09:51 AM
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You're welcome!
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  #15  
June 10th, 2010, 11:50 AM
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When I had Lucy a friend of mine brought me this soup frozen. It was SOOOO good and super easy. Just take it out of the freezer, stick it in the microwave and you're good to go! This is a vegetarian recipe, but you could easily put any kind of meat you like in it. My husband likes sausage in this soup. I'll post the recipe here in case anyone else is interested.

Jamaican Red Bean Soup

2 cups sliced baby carrots
1 cup chopped onions
1 sweet potato, diced
2 tsp curry powder
1/2 tsp dried thyme
1/4 tsp red pepper flakes
1/4 tsp ground allspice
1 tsp garlic powder
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
2 (16 oz) cans dark red kidney beans, drained and rinsed*
1 (14 oz) can unsweetened light coconut milk
1 - 2 cups vegetable broth

I just throw it all in a pot and let it boil until the sweet potatoes and carrots are tender. You can modify the spices any way you like.
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  #16  
June 10th, 2010, 10:41 PM
Lynsann's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I honestly don't have any advice, just wanted to tell you Good Luck!
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Last edited by Lynsann; June 10th, 2010 at 10:51 PM.
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  #17  
June 16th, 2010, 08:07 PM
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There must be some way to kindly say in the invitation that the best baby gift you could receive is a washer/dryer and that you are registered at sear/lowes/ or wherever you want to purchase it. I would not ask for cash.
On another note...you totally deserve a shower to celebrate your baby/pregnancy!
I am just popping into this board from the Sept due date club, hope you don't mind my advise since I am new to this LDS board.
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  #18  
June 17th, 2010, 08:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lonisthird View Post
There must be some way to kindly say in the invitation that the best baby gift you could receive is a washer/dryer and that you are registered at sear/lowes/ or wherever you want to purchase it. I would not ask for cash.
On another note...you totally deserve a shower to celebrate your baby/pregnancy!
I am just popping into this board from the Sept due date club, hope you don't mind my advise since I am new to this LDS board.
I would never directly ask for cash. I'd ask in a way such as saying 'we're taking donates towards _______' or something like that. But i was more asking if it's ok to even do that you know? (over in the Aug due date club everyone is telling me that is NOT appropriate....i don't get it)

And thanks, i feel i deserve one too! I've had some say that cause i already have everything and it's my second, why do i need a shower. Um, cause i want to celebrate my pregnancy with my family and friends??

Thanks for the advice
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  #19  
June 17th, 2010, 02:52 PM
Lynsann's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I understand where your DDC is coming from. I personally feel it's a bit tacky to ask for donations in lieu of gifts or whatever. To me it feels like your taking for granted that people are serving you by telling them how to serve. JMHO.
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