[EverEnduring84]

I "know" no one can tell you when to have children on not but...

I want baby number 2 (our son is 3 years old now) and my husband wants to wait 3-4 more years till he's done with school (it's taken him forever) im in school too. For 3 years i've had to put our son in daycare in order to work and go to school to bring money in for the family (we live in expensive california). My husband also works side jobs and goes to full time school too. Honestly, we have no time and there is no way to have another baby right now...but we could rearrange things some how in order to continue of family and just get through the last few year of school together. My husbands not willing to trade off watching "kids" and hasn't even tried to do so with our son. He say's he doesn't believe in SAHM's and that mom's just sit on there butts all day and do nothing. How is not taking care of the kids, providing a home cooked meal, and clean laundry not work? Hello! ugh..sigh..I just dont get it. He was raised LDS with a mom who stayed at home with the 5 of them till the youngest was 17 years old...and even after that she worked from home. I on the other hand was not raised LDS...my sibilings and I were in Day care from 6 weeks old to 12 years old till we could stay at home on our own. It just makes me so mad that my husband doesn't believe in ALL that LDS people believe in with mom's taking care of the children and husband working. He say's "There your kids too so you need to work".

I mean I so UNDERSTAND california is not cheap...when we lived at BYU utah for one year rent was half of what it is now. Plus you can't get away with one care hear..so we have two car's but one car payment. I also understand he has 3 more years of school (it's going to take him 7 year to get a 4 year BA degree). We already use student loans to help with tution and rent and our jobs pay for everything else. I agree our life isn't linned up for more kids and it's completely wrong my husband is anti SAHM but my lil boy is 3 already...do you think considering the circumstances this is okay to wait 3 more years?

Were taught not to wait for money, school etc to have our children...(I know im ready) but our life is not linned up for more kids. We went on faith before, married in the temple at 22..baby at 23...we went on faith...I can't say I haven't said "Faith doesn't pay the bills"..because I have...you have to work hard and provide for yourself.

I'm just so bummed to have to wait 3-4 more years to have baby number 2..which puts me at 29 and we still want 4 kids total. I'm also bummed that my little boy is being raised by others during the week at day care (We do DO our best to teach him and take time with him..when were not wiped out..but I always try to do colors, counting, ABC's and prayer, were potty traning in the mornings, and I always make a dinner for my family, fold the laundry + school, work, and a ton of homework) As my lil man in getting older im not so stressed from trying to "get it all done".

What's the right thing to do when you feel one way and your spouse feels a different way?

I've already prayed for his heart to soften...and natta..I've been praying for that for 6 months...

Maybe were just not supposed to have more kids right now and have 6 year gap in the first two kids?

[broncos08]

This is just my opinion, but instead of praying for his heart to soften, maybe you should pray for you to understand what the Lord has planned for you and your family. Sometimes what we want and what's good for us and the Lord's plan are different things. I've come to realize that myself. It's easier to say than to do.

Also- do you two make time for yourselves? Like go to the temple, or just go on a date?

I understand with wanting to contiue growing your family, really I do. But sometimes you need to put all your trust in the Lord, knowing that He knows what's best for you.

I hope things work out for you.

[Brittanie]

She said it all so well. The only thing I would add is, maybe you and your husband should sit down with your bishop and discuss some things. Sometimes it's good to have someone outside the situation discuss things everything can be seen without the emotional tilt that the both of you would have. The bishop is a great, and in my mind underused, resource. He's not just there for if you have something you need to repent of, his mantel also includes helping you see what the Lord wants you to do.

It's such a tough situation. Your husband's attitude is clearly wrong. With my two at home I don't get much time to "sit on my butt," because even when I am sitting, I'm usually doing something. If he expects you to work because it's your child too, does he ever cook or do laundry? After all, they're his clothes too, and he's eating, too.

[future_adoption_mommy]

ditto to what the other girls have said, I don't have anything else to add, I just wanted to let you know I read this and I'm sorry your husband is being difficult.

[geogeek]

First off, Welcome to the board! Sorry to hear that your husband is being difficult. I know that can be hard. My husband hasn't even agreed to a first child and we have been married for 5 years so that he could finish school.

I am between jobs and I still don't just sit on my butt. There are so many things to do that men don't understand.

[Elsa]

Wow, that sounds like an extremely frustrating situation. How is it possible that he's still not done with a BA after all that time?

This is just a suggestion, so do whatever works for your family , but here's what I've got...If he expects you to pull equal weight financially I would suggest requiring that he pull equal weight with housework and caring for your son. Be insistent. He will never have respect for those types of duties if he doesn't do some of them himself.

As far as having more kids...I think it's very important for both parents to be ready for the responsibility of adding to the family. It's frustrating to wait, but I think you'd end up with most of the responsibility and not a lot of help from DH if you have another one before he's really on board.

Sounds like the two of you are not on the same page at all. It may be beneficial to sit down with him and have a long discussion about your mutual long term goals, and maybe you two can make some compromises.

[EverEnduring84]

First off, Thankyou ladies for you responses. I was rather angry when posting this in the first place. I just have years of built up anger from seeing not change in our family situation. Secondly, I want you all to know how grateful I am just to be a mom and have the son that I do. He is a VERY special unique little boy who amazes me everyday. There are so many women who just struggle to have children or become pregnant. I am so glad that i've been able to have my son, even though I hope for more children in the future someday.

Originally Posted by broncos08

This is just my opinion, but instead of praying for his heart to soften, maybe you should pray for you to understand what the Lord has planned for you and your family. Sometimes what we want and what's good for us and the Lord's plan are different things. I've come to realize that myself. It's easier to say than to do.

Also- do you two make time for yourselves? Like go to the temple, or just go on a date?

I understand with wanting to contiue growing your family, really I do. But sometimes you need to put all your trust in the Lord, knowing that He knows what's best for you.

I hope things work out for you.

I actually have done this over the past 2 years with very little comfort or response from god when praying about 'what my purpose is' with my situation and our life as a small family together. There are many things off the bat I can think of of course but no response from the spirit directly. All I can honestly think of is God really wants me to finish my degree for the benefit of being a future teacher and to teach my own children. Also, that God know's my husbands limits and he's at his max and God needs me to stay strong for him and for our little boy.

Originally Posted by Brittanie

She said it all so well. The only thing I would add is, maybe you and your husband should sit down with your bishop and discuss some things. Sometimes it's good to have someone outside the situation discuss things everything can be seen without the emotional tilt that the both of you would have. The bishop is a great, and in my mind underused, resource. He's not just there for if you have something you need to repent of, his mantel also includes helping you see what the Lord wants you to do.

It's such a tough situation. Your husband's attitude is clearly wrong. With my two at home I don't get much time to "sit on my butt," because even when I am sitting, I'm usually doing something. If he expects you to work because it's your child too, does he ever cook or do laundry? After all, they're his clothes too, and he's eating, too.

I've thought of sitting down with the bishop together but i dont think my husband would be game for that. Plus i've seen other family member's set him straight about working and having more of a family and he just discards it.

Originally Posted by geogeek

First off, Welcome to the board! Sorry to hear that your husband is being difficult. I know that can be hard. My husband hasn't even agreed to a first child and we have been married for 5 years so that he could finish school.

I am between jobs and I still don't just sit on my butt. There are so many things to do that men don't understand.

That would be so frustrating to be waiting for your 1st for so long like that. We had our little guy 1 week before our 1st year anniversary (our leap of faith basically) and I am so grateful that we have our lil man while going through school. It's tough of course cuz he goes to full time day care and i've made a lot of sacrifices with that as a mom, but I still feel and see so many blessings of having him while going through the rough patches in life. I can relate to the "wait" when it comes to children and I think when it comes down to it 1) at some point or another a mother will feel like a single parent at some point in life, even though she is married and 2) Many women have a period where they are waiting for a baby..even if it's number one, two and so on.

God really know's how to teach us patience!

Originally Posted by Elsa

Wow, that sounds like an extremely frustrating situation. How is it possible that he's still not done with a BA after all that time?

This is just a suggestion, so do whatever works for your family , but here's what I've got...If he expects you to pull equal weight financially I would suggest requiring that he pull equal weight with housework and caring for your son. Be insistent. He will never have respect for those types of duties if he doesn't do some of them himself.

As far as having more kids...I think it's very important for both parents to be ready for the responsibility of adding to the family. It's frustrating to wait, but I think you'd end up with most of the responsibility and not a lot of help from DH if you have another one before he's really on board.

Sounds like the two of you are not on the same page at all. It may be beneficial to sit down with him and have a long discussion about your mutual long term goals, and maybe you two can make some compromises.

I agree that both parents should be ready. I dont want to push my husband to ever feel like "we have to have a baby because im ready and he's not", because that's just wrong. Basically I am just so upset that i've been doing this for 4 years and have 3 more years to go. It's tough never seeing your husband because he's off with school, and tough I never see my son but 2 hours in the evening..when we are home together it's all school work time. It's just a really tough situation and like that above post.."God has a special plan for all of us".