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How Marsi Has Changed Me


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  #1  
December 28th, 2011, 05:50 PM
geogeek's Avatar Marsi's Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: In yonder mountains
Posts: 9,339
Honestly, I couldn't even imagine how much having a child would change me. This is from conception to now, not just from when she was born.

I was not in a great place before Marsi came along. I hated my ward...with a passion. I was unhealthy and depressed. With my 5 losses, 4 of which happened while TTC Marsi, I felt cheated by Heavenly Father. All I had ever wanted was to be a mother. People may ask that if I wanted to be a mother, why did we wait so long before TTC (5.5 years). Because every month when we went to the temple the answer in our hearts were always NO. It hurt to hear no all the time.

I heard from my brother that a mutual friend said something to him about how he was happy that I finally decided to have a child "since she used to be so opposed to having one". Hearing that makes me so sad. I wanted Marsi for YEARS before we were blessed with her.

Through the journey to get her here I changed. It was so wonderful to know that it was time to TTC. I got to the point with the losses that I didn't want to TTC at all. I was done. When I felt that we needed to continue TTC, it was a HUGE step forward in faith. I was no longer doing what I wanted, but was following the directive of the spirit.

While pregnant I knew that I needed to be grateful for the life growing inside me. It was hard with being so sick and in my first year of teaching 8th graders. It made me stronger emotionally. When I stopped work and was a stay at home pregnant wife my patience was tested. I always thought that I would have a baby closer to 37 weeks. Then I went overdue. Patience was definitely tested!

Her birth wasn't ideal, but she got here. Then I had to deal with hospital crap for another 5 days having to be an advocate for my daughter. I refused to let them do testing without Marsi getting a priesthood blessing from my dad and DH. Through that blessing and the promises in it, I was able to know that my daughter would be well and come home. It was a trial of my faith.

Now that she is here I am finding that I rely on the Lord more than ever. I pray constantly. I am happy. I am healthy for the first time in years. I finally know what true love is. I love DH. Really, I do. I loved Marsi before she was born, but I didn't know that it would continue to grow every day more and more. Marsi is the center of my world with DH now. I find it easy to give time to both of them. I find it an easy transition to being a mom.

It was more than worth the wait. Because of how wonderful things have been with the timing and everything, my faith in Heavenly Father's directions for me is complete. It may be hard to do the things that He wants me to do, but I know that it is for the best outcome. The church has become so much more important in my life.

Sorry for the saga but I am just so happy with my life right now. Even the hard days are better than days before.
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  #2  
December 29th, 2011, 04:23 AM
Mommy of Four!
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Georgia
Posts: 140
Heavenly Father does nothing without reason. It's hard to understand that sometimes...I know I have been there. But, once the reason behind his action is revealed, it makes so much sense. Often his actions are to strenthen us and more importantly to make us better and more like him. It sounds like you needed to go through hardship so that you would really understand and appreciate happiness. That's just my opinion I am very happy that you are in a better spot in life and that your daughter has presented you with changes that made you grow.
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  #3  
December 29th, 2011, 06:04 AM
Butter's Avatar Heather the Mama Duk
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: San Antonio TX
Posts: 28,853
That's absolutely beautiful. I hope you will print it out and save it for Marsi to share with her after she has had her first child and will totally understand everything you meant. It is truly amazing how they change us. It is also amazing how Heavenly Father knows exactly what we need even if we don't and don't think he's being fair. To look back and see the plan is exciting and humbling.
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~Heather, wife to Jamie (15 years; June 5, 1998) and mom to
Ani - 14 (February 15, 2000), Cameron - 12 (October 3, 2001),
Fritz - 7 (July 11, 2006), and Adrian - 5 (June 19, 2008)
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  #4  
January 1st, 2012, 05:24 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
That was beautiful! I do think that so often we forget that it's not so much the destination, but the journey to get there. I look back the path my life has taken, and I can see so many beautiful things that are a direct result of the turns in the path that made no sense to me at the time.

And yes, these beautiful spirits that come to us are so worth all the hardship it is to get them here!
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