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Ella Grace Born sleeping October 14,2009


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  #1  
December 11th, 2009, 10:48 AM
MeganMomof5's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I went to the hospital around 7pm Monday October 12th...It took about 2 hours to get everything taken care of, paperwork, questions, IV (that was very hard) etc...They gave me my first cytotec pill in my cervix at 9pm that night....at around 10 or 10:30 I was given a sleeping pill...I didn't sleep very well because they woke me up every 3 hours for another pill...The next morning I was feeling regular cramping/contracting...I was checked and my cervix was soft, effaced and a 1cm dilated...We thought it would go fast...I had cramping all day on and off...Some were painful some weren't...That evening my doctor said that they were going to try one more time and if something didn't happen they were going to let me rest for the night and try again in the morning...Nothing happened, so I was given another sleeping pill and slept pretty good for being in a birthing bed ( I Think they are awful to sleep in)...The next morning my doctor had come in while I was in the shower, so the nurse came in and broke the news that they were going to start pitocin...He called the university to see what their proto call was for this, so I didn't have to go threw days of being induced...So they had a strong bag of pitocin mixed up, and the plan was to do that bag for 3 hours, turn it off for an hour and start a stronger bag...That was going to happen 5 times...I had my first bag and I was contracting...After it was turned off I got out of bed and I was starting to feel a lot of pain....They told me that it was better to get an epidural sooner rather than later because it could happen so fast...I'm going to say that was about 1:30pm on the 14th...So I got my epidural around 2 or 2:30...It was working great, nothing really happening...My husband wanted to go home for something and since nothing was happening and we live so close I told him to hurry...I then felt a small contraction, no pain, but I could feel my stomach contracting...Then another one and I could feel a little pain, then another one and I was feeling more and more pain...I started to cry, it hurt so bad, and I knew what was coming...The nurse checked me around 5 to 4 and I was 3cm dilated and she said she could feel the baby, but it didn't feel like the head, it felt like a face, hands or feet she couldn't tell...I Then got really upset and due to my sickness a couple weeks ago I still had a bit of a cough...I then coughed and felt something and said that I Thought my water broke...The nurse checked me and it was the baby (that was at 4pm) she was born with no water sack, i'm not sure when it even broke...I didn't even have to push her out...I was alone, my husband was on his way back and my doctor hadn't gotten there yet...She left the baby attached because the placenta was still in and she didn't want to move the baby...I was upset, I didn't know what to expect...I asked her if the baby looked alright and she told me that it looked like she had been gone for awhile, she was soft etc...My husband came in soon after and then the doctor...My doctor checked me and the placenta was there, but there were some pieces still inside that he had a hard time getting out....He had to call for some special instruments and a special light...He dug around and pushed on me for a while and it hurt so bad...The whole time the baby was on the warmer table, I hadn't seen her...He got all the placenta out and they got me situated and went to work on the baby...The whole time they were working on me they had me hold her gown and hat...I was obviously crying and upset this whole time, so it's kind of a blur...After a little while they brought her to me and I held her...I kept her in my room for 19 1/2 hours and spent as much time as I could holding her, crying for her, loving her and talking to her...I knew I didn't have a lot of time and after she was gone, she was gone and I would never hold her or touch her again....I was worried about how I would feel, but I felt nothing but love for her, she is my baby, and she looked perfect...She had no hair, her eyes were closed still, her skin didn't look normal, and because her skin was so thin she leaked a lot of her blood as time went on, but she was still perfect to me, and I was just so overwhelmed with love...She slept in her crib next to me, and when I wasn't sleeping I tried to hold her as much as I could...She did have a skinny twisted cord at the base by her abdomen, but my doctor couldn't tell me if that meant anything, he said they just don't know yet...The morning of the 15th, I ate breakfast, and I then posed some pictures with her and some of her things...The Chaplin came in and gave her a blessing and went over some things with me, he was very nice...It was sad but sweet as he blessed her, I couldn't help but cry because I knew what was coming next...I then knew that I couldn't just keep her forever, so I made the choice to shower, pack my things and then spend and hour saying good bye to her...I took my shower and came out and right then housekeeping came in, but I felt bad saying anything to her, so I went about and finished gathering my things even though I just wanted to sit and hold my baby...after she left I held her for 15 or 20 minutes and my nurse came in...I told her that I wanted 15 more minutes and then I was ready to give her to them...I cried and said my goodbyes and told Ella how much I loved her and always will...My nurse then came in and took her out of my arms and it was the hardest thing ever that I've had to do, but it was time...She then left to take Ella to the nursery and said she would get her a warm blanket and bring back the 2 that she had and her hat...It was nice to know that they were going to send her to the morgue with a warm blanket, I just couldn't imagine her being cold and away from me...While she was gone I had a good cry, it was my first time away from her...She came back and had her things wrapped up for me and we put it with the memory box they made me...I then had to sign the paperwork for the autopsy and that was hard, and the release from the funeral home...My husband was not with me, he was at home with our son, and I understood that he said his goodbyes last night and I was fine with that....I was happy to have her to myself for some time...He came soon after and we got our things and the nurse walked us out...She gave me a hug and was very kind (she was the same nurse that was with me when I delivered Ella)...I was treated very well, they gave me anything I wanted and let me order any food I wanted (which they don't normally do)...They were all very kind and understanding...I think I had a sign on my door so I wasn't bothered by housekeeping except for once and my nurses usually brought me my food....I did hear some babies heartbeats on monitors a few times, and I did hear a couple babies being born, and some chimes that ring when a new baby is born...it was hard, and I guess I was a little angry that they all were having healthy babies and I wasn't, but I made it threw...They also didn't move me to a recovery room and let me stay, which was nice that I didn't have to get up and pack my things etc, I got to spend that time with Ella...The night she was born my mom and sister came to see her, and they both got to hold her (I didn't take pictures)...I'm sure I'm missing bits and pieces, but I'm tired, sad and just in a daze.

(this was typed October 15)

Ella's stats
Born October 14, 2009 at 22w 3d (exactly 4 months before her due date)
8oz and 8 1/2 inches long
Her hand was was the same size as my fingernail, tiny, but perfectly formed and even had finger and toe nails.
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Forever Missing My Baby Girl Ella Grace
Born Sleeping October 14, 2009
















Last edited by MeganMomof5; December 11th, 2009 at 02:59 PM.
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  #2  
December 11th, 2009, 11:06 AM
IBake2Boys+1Girl's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Megan, that was so moving. Thank you so much for sharing Ella's birth story with us. It means so much that you did that. I'm sorry that you were alone when she was born, but I'm so glad you got to spend that much time with her. Love and prayers always...
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  #3  
December 11th, 2009, 11:43 AM
Rh♥nda's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Megan, thank you so much for sharing Ella's birth story with all of us. You wrote it beauitfully and it brought me to tears. You are a very strong woman and I admire you. I am glad you were able to spend as much time as you did with Ella before you had to say goodbye. Ella will always be remembered. I am sure she is watching over you and your family.

Lots of love and prayers for you and your family.
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  #4  
December 11th, 2009, 12:06 PM
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Thanks, Megan, for having the courage to share your story with us. I am praying God will bless you with another special one soon.
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  #5  
December 11th, 2009, 12:10 PM
mommyof3now's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thank you for sharing Ella's birth story with us. It is nice to hear that the staff was good to you and let you spend time w/ your little girl. (((((hugs)))))
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  #6  
December 11th, 2009, 12:44 PM
Loni's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you for sharing yours and Ella's story with us. I'm so sorry you had to go through this.
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  #7  
December 11th, 2009, 12:52 PM
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Oh, Megan. . . thank you for sharing you birth story with us. Ella sounds as though she was a beautiful baby. I'm glad you got to spend so much time with her, and that the staff were so kind. I cannot even imagine how you must feel, but just know baby Ella is watching over you and your family. She will always be remembered here.

I hope you get your Christmas BFP! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. Please keep us updated on your TTC journey!

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  #8  
December 11th, 2009, 01:48 PM
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Thank you for sharing Ella's story with us. It was so beautiful and you are a strong and amazing person.
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  #9  
December 11th, 2009, 02:27 PM
CrystalAnne's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thankyou for sharing Ella's birthstory with us It was beautifully written and very touching. T&P with you and your family.
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  #10  
December 11th, 2009, 02:33 PM
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Thank you for sharing your story with us. It breaks my heart and I cried reading it, but I'm glad that the staff were good to you and that you got to spend as much time with Ella as you wanted. I pray for you and your family, that this experience will make you all stronger as she watches from heaven.
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  #11  
December 11th, 2009, 02:35 PM
Mommyto2Girls's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Megan, thank you for sharing Ella's birth story with us. I am so glad you got to spend some time with her, and that all of your nurses were so kind. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, and I hope you are blessed with another BFP in the near future.
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  #12  
December 11th, 2009, 04:00 PM
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Thank you for sharing your story. It brought me to tears. I just want to hug you and not let go. You are such a strong woman.
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  #13  
December 12th, 2009, 07:09 PM
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Thanks for sharing your story. I'm so sad for you, but you're very strong for sharing all that with us. I hope you get your BFP soon. It's good that you were able to spend so much time with Ella, and that you were able to get some pictures as well.
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  #14  
December 12th, 2009, 10:09 PM
justjaQ's Avatar Platinum Super Mommy
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thank you so much for sharing, megan.
i'm so sorry you had to go through that... but the staff were so good to you, and i'm glad. i am very sorry DH left at the wrong time.
best wishes, and lots of love, mama.
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  #15  
December 13th, 2009, 09:02 PM
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Thank you for sharing...it was beautiful. Thoughts and prayers with you always.
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  #16  
December 14th, 2009, 10:41 AM
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Megan I feel so honored that you shared Ella's story with us. I know there are no words to say that will take the pain away but I hope God lets you find peace and comfort knowing Ella is with him. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family. <3
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  #17  
December 14th, 2009, 12:59 PM
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Thank you for sharing Ella's birth story with us. I am so glad that you had such great staff attending to you and that they were so considerate. I am very sorry you had to go through that. You are so strong and I am so glad you continue to post with us. I too am hoping you get the Christmas BFP.
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  #18  
December 16th, 2009, 03:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TxMomOf3 View Post
Thank you for sharing your story. It brought me to tears. I just want to hug you and not let go. You are such a strong woman.
The above quote says it all. You are in my thoughts & prayers.
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  #19  
January 10th, 2010, 08:56 PM
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Thank you for sharing your story. You are a very strong person. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. Now you have a beautiful angel watching over you always. I pray that God blesses you with another beautiful child very soon.
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