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I just have to preface this with a short story, then on to finally writing down Nolan's birth story.
We had tried to get pregnant for well over a year, and when we did, we had a loss. We did infertility treatments, and injectables beginning 3 months after the loss for 3 cycles. They didn't take. We were going to take a month off of trying the infertility treatments because "August would be a terrible month for a teacher to have a baby..." It was the Tuesday before Thanksgiving (seems so long ago). My husband and I were going to set up our Christmas tree. It was supposed to be a great evening, filled with Christmas music, hot chocolate, and our usual put up the tree pictures. I snuck a pregnancy test...just to SEE if anything happened on its own, without intervention. It would've been the perfect addition to a night I look forward to all year. It was negative. White as snow. I lost it. I have never cried so hard in my life. I felt like God had forsaken me. I wanted with all that I am to be a mom. I have struggled with my faith for many years (I promise, this won't be religious after this!), and I pled with God, begged him to let us have a baby. We didn't put up our tree that night. Actually, I think I came downstairs and threw a few things, yelled at my husband (what did he do?) and stomped back upstairs and cried myself to sleep. It was one of the lowest moments I have ever faced.
Three days later, the day after Thanksgiving, I got two pink lines on a test. The first day my Nolan made himself known to us...
Now on to his birth story.
After much deliberation, we decided that I would be induced on Monday (8/9/10) at 40 weeks, 1 day. I was doing fine, Nolan was great, but my husband is my long term sub in my classroom. School starts tomorrow, and our time together was running short.
On Sunday, the day before the induction we went to our local art museum, ate at Carrabbas, and had an awesome day together. That night we were so excited. I was scared to death and nervous, but happy. We slept an amazing 6 hours, even waking up once to me having serious contractions. I just went back to sleep, and they went away (I didn't realize that these were REAL contractions until I felt what they were during the induction).
We got to the hospital at 8, and started the pitocin around 10. At around 1 pm, at 3 cm, we decided to go ahead and get the epidural before they broke my water since I was going to get one anyway. As I sat up to get it, my water broke and kept gushing the whole time they were giving it to me. What a nice distraction! Goodness there was more in there than I expected. Boy, did those contractions pick up after it broke.
I labored all day pain free, and feeling on top of the world. My best friend, and her mom, along with DH were there. I would call it a pleasant day. We chatted, and I joked about what I was going to eat when it was all over. I ate like 10 pop sickles, which I was so excited about at first, but it quickly lost its charm as the day went on. I actually would look at the contraction monitor and laugh "Oh, that was a big one!" I mocked labor. I laughed in the face of birth. Then, birth scoffed right back at me and brought it.
My epidural was wearing off. I pushed the release button. Felt a little better. Pushed it again. Nothing. I was starting to feel the contractions to the point that I had to breathe through them. This was about 9 pm. I was 8 cm. By 10, I had tears in my eyes...I wasn't crying. It was just super intense. The pitocin was cranked up to 15. Contractions every two minutes that lasted at least a minute to a minute and a half. The nurse saw my discomfort (such a gentle word for that pain...), and asked if I wanted to call the anesthesiologist. I didn't understand. I thought that I would have to get redosed in my back, and I didn't think I could sit still through it again. I wasn't in my right mind. I refused.
By 11 or so, I was 10 cm...ready to push! I pushed and pushed and pushed...it hurt like nothing I had ever experienced in my life. I lost control. I was almost hysterical, but the amazing nurses and my friends and family kept me level. Apparently, I was cracking jokes throughout, because everyone was laughing. That's how I handle life. I joke. Even when my pelvis feels like it is going to rip in half. At one point, I had to have everyone shut up because they were all laughing and chatting so much that it was making me mad. They were having a party! I was suffering!!
My Dr. took his freaking sweet time coming back to the hospital, and almost missed Nolan's birth. His head was RIGHT there, and they told me to stop pushing. I did not like this. I believe I said, "Dr. J needs to hurry the f*** up!!! ANYONE can deliver him. I'll deliver him myself!" I couldn't stop pushing. In my head I was thinking about how I was going to tell my Dr. "YOU'RE FIRED! FIRED! FIRED!", when he came into the room, but all that left me. He arrived, and like 1 minute later he was born.
An hour and a half later, after tearing my cervix, tearing internally, and a 2nd degree episiotomy, Nolan came into the world. I had no intentions of doing things naturally, but I did it, and I survived. I feel like I could run a marathon now! I can do anything, and I just might in April. Well, a half marathon. Maybe.
Everyone says that the moment they hear that first cry, or see their baby for the first time is the best moment of their life. But seriously. It was. I could live that moment over and over and over again. He was more beautiful than I ever could have imagined. He was perfect. And pink. And had the sweetest little face. They laid him right on my chest, and he looked right up at me (and pooped all over me! haha ).
I love him more than words. All my dreams have come true. Melissa (KMH) said it SO beautifully. She said that life was like black and white before Claire came into the world, and now it's color (not a direct quote, mind you). That is just so true, and so beautiful that I had to put it in here. I feel like I was living for the future before, and now I live life day to day. I feel so blessed. Nolan is my miracle. He's our miracle. I have never ever been happier in my life. Tired, maybe , but complete.
Life is beautiful, and miraculous. I could not be more grateful. And I've never been more excited to put up our Christmas tree. What a difference a year can make.
Thanks for taking the time to read. I hope that you all are doing well! Now a few pictures!
The day before! 40 weeks!
On the way home:
My sweet boy:
Last edited by n.m.hood; August 17th, 2010 at 08:47 PM.