Forum: June, July, August & September 2011 Playroom
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DH and i have had this disagreement for a long tine over picking him up or w/e when he cries ... i said hes to youbg to cry for no reason so if he cries ill do something .. w/e his want happens to be at the time
well now DH is saying that Roran has been fake crying to get his way and make DH fetch for him whenever Roran wants ..
to be fair i notice Roran will start a huge fit if i leave the room and he wants my attention.
so questions:
what age do they start to manipulate u thru crying? ... i mean when they are clean n fed and just want to rule ur movements lol
also how do you deal with it?
do i just leave him to scream until he turns all red and cant even breathe cause hes cryin so hard? its really hard for me to do but i cant think of anything but this to do .. i leave him til hes losing his flippin mind then get him and walk him around talking to him.
is that bad ? to comfort after him throwin a fit???
I am of the opinion that it's impossible to spoil a baby. So there's that.
Babies this age are prone to things like separation anxiety, and they genuinely need you around. Crying at this age, before they can talk, is their only form of communication, and it's up to us parents to listen to them and respect it.
My 2 year old didn't start fake crying until she was over a year old. If I thought she was faking it I would spin her around (or something else she finds fun) and make her giggle, it would totally break the "tantrum"
I am of the opinion that it's impossible to spoil a baby. So there's that.
Babies this age are prone to things like separation anxiety, and they genuinely need you around. Crying at this age, before they can talk, is their only form of communication, and it's up to us parents to listen to them and respect it.
My 2 year old didn't start fake crying until she was over a year old. If I thought she was faking it I would spin her around (or something else she finds fun) and make her giggle, it would totally break the "tantrum"
Generally between 6 and 12 months babies will have separation anxiety from the person they are with the most, it lasts a couple of months, nothing you can do about it. My DS started it last month and is just now slowly getting over it.
That being said, I'm not one to run to my baby the second I hear a wimper. I wait to see what kind of cry it's going to be. If it's an all out cry then of course I go to him, but say last night he woke up, he fussed a bit but it never turned into a real cry, it was just a wimper, it lasted about 3 min and he went back to sleep. I know that if I had got to him right away he would have been up for an hour or more wanting to play. Same thing if he starts fussing and I'm busy with one of my other kids, I know he'll be fine for the few minutes it takes me to finish up with the girls.
Agreed. Can't spoil a baby at this age. Baby cries for it's parents, because it wants it's parents. Pure and simple. There is no manipulation in wanting mommy or daddy now.
See, I do think that Brynlee whines just because I leave the room. If I give her something to distract her first the she's fine. If I run to the store really quick and she's home with DH, we have to distract her so I can leave because she will whine or cry. She never does that when I leave her at the sitter though.
So I do think that it's okay to walk away from her when she whimpers or whines because she will stop. I can't handle the red faced scream crying though and refuse to let it get to that.
If I picked my child up every time she made noise, I'd never get anything done and neither would my baby sitter.
To be honest, when I read threads like this and read the replies, my brain automatically pictures some of the moms on this board holding their babies 24/7 and picking them up every time they barely make a sound. That may or may not be the reality, but that's how the replies make my brain picture it.
See, I do think that Brynlee whines just because I leave the room. If I give her something to distract her first the she's fine. If I run to the store really quick and she's home with DH, we have to distract her so I can leave because she will whine or cry. She never does that when I leave her at the sitter though.
So I do think that it's okay to walk away from her when she whimpers or whines because she will stop. I can't handle the red faced scream crying though and refuse to let it get to that.
If I picked my child up every time she made noise, I'd never get anything done and neither would my baby sitter.
To be honest, when I read threads like this and read the replies, my brain automatically pictures some of the moms on this board holding their babies 24/7 and picking them up every time they barely make a sound. That may or may not be the reality, but that's how the replies make my brain picture it.
I see nothing wrong with putting a baby down when you need to, using a toy or a snack as a distraction, and if they whine, they whine. You have to do what you have to do. My point was more along the thinking that a baby cannot be spoiled at this age, and if you WANT to pick your child up when he/she whines, then there is nothing wrong with that. You aren't spoiling that baby by picking it up when it wants that. If I didn't leave Alexis on the floor whining while I make my big girl lunch or get some laundry done then nothing would ever get done. But, when I do pick her up, if anyone thought to say I spoil her, you better believe I'd be telling them the what's what.
Lilli does the fake cry. She adds a fake cough to it too to make it really "serious". lol.
I'm not one to start a debate, so I'll keep my thoughts to myself. But, I know my baby's cries, there are whines and fake cries and then there are real ones. I try to reassure her during the fake ones by talking to her or giving her something to help soothe her like a teething ring. Now if she cries for real, I'm picking her up.
Just go on what YOU think is right. It'll be ok mama!
what age do they start to manipulate u thru crying? ... i mean when they are clean n fed and just want to rule ur movements lol babies. and even small kids, don't try to rule your movement, but have their needs met.
also how do you deal with it? I make the crying stop
do i just leave him to scream until he turns all red and cant even breathe cause hes cryin so hard? its really hard for me to do but i cant think of anything but this to do .. i leave him til hes losing his flippin mind then get him and walk him around talking to him. umm *** no I don't let my baby cry until they can't breathe because they are so worked up. IMHO that is just mean.
is that bad ? to comfort after him throwin a fit??? comfor the child. little babies and small kids and even adults need comfort. we are creatures that need love and affection to survive. to leave a baby sit and cry is just mean. again that's My opinion. but I do think it's really mean and rude. do you want to cry yourself to sleep???
See, I do think that Brynlee whines just because I leave the room. If I give her something to distract her first the she's fine. If I run to the store really quick and she's home with DH, we have to distract her so I can leave because she will whine or cry. She never does that when I leave her at the sitter though.
So I do think that it's okay to walk away from her when she whimpers or whines because she will stop. I can't handle the red faced scream crying though and refuse to let it get to that.
If I picked my child up every time she made noise, I'd never get anything done and neither would my baby sitter.
To be honest, when I read threads like this and read the replies, my brain automatically pictures some of the moms on this board holding their babies 24/7 and picking them up every time they barely make a sound. That may or may not be the reality, but that's how the replies make my brain picture it.
definitely not like that here. I'm like Caroline.and wait to see what kind of cry it is. I don't even pick him up right away if he bumps his head. If he doesn't stop in a short time, I will comfort him, but usually he can settle himself and go back to playing.
what my response was really saying if I don't think they have the ability to manipulate us with crying yet. When they cry it's because they want/need something.
I dont believe babies can be spoiled at this age nor do they know how to manipulate. Like it was mentioned above this is the key age for separation anxiety, Everett doesnt have it unless he is tired otherwise he is content with whoever. He has a very specific whine for boobie has since he was first born. But I dont pick him up not every time he makes a noise but probably close to it, but I know him and what he wants or needs. We do not let him cry it out at all I wouldnt want to be left alone crying so I dont leave my baby. Now everyone has their own way of doing things and what works for them but from having CIO with our oldest I will never do that again. If it makes me feel awful then I know in my heart that its not for me.
I don't think babies need to be picked up every single time they cry. There are times when they are just grouchy and whining for no reason. There are also times when they are completely overboard with it! There are many times Dominic sees me leave a room and has a horrible reaction. He will chase me down the hallway screaming his head off. That bothers me. I wish he wouldn't do that, but he will outgrow it at some point. I try my very best to prevent it, and if I can't take him with me and he ends up being upset I do come back to pick him up. I try to comfort him and tell him I was just going for a minute and coming right back to him etc.
Do I think he is being unreasonable? 100% ABSOLUTELY! But it makes him feel distressed and is an issue for him, so yes I am going to comfort and respond to that. I feel like ignoring him wouldn't teach him anything or help his feelings on the situation.
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I don't believe it's possible to spoil anyone by giving them attention.
Spoiling is what you do to replace real love and attention. Giving treats or buying a lot of toys and junk that no one needs are examples of spoiling.
Paying attention to your child is good parenting, not spoiling.
As far as when kids will cry and pretend they need something, I have no idea when that starts. Regardless I don't see anything wrong with needing attention or a hug.
man .. thanks ladies ... i just have a hard time trying to convince DH that it isnt wrong that i dont leave him to cry like that ...
i really do try to prevent him throwing a fit but when he does it i get these looks from DH like .. "here we go again" or "yeah yeah give him what he wants hes so spoiled"
To be honest, when I read threads like this and read the replies, my brain automatically pictures some of the moms on this board holding their babies 24/7 and picking them up every time they barely make a sound. That may or may not be the reality, but that's how the replies make my brain picture it.
I do the same thing, only to the other extreme. I read some threads and some replies and imagine poor babies crying until they are red in the face and extremely worked up, because people see their cries (or fake cries) as manipulative and annoying, rather than communicative.
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Last edited by joonzgurl; April 25th, 2012 at 01:49 PM.
I do the same thing, only to the other extreme. I read some threads and some replies and imagine poor babies crying until they are red in the face and extremely worked up, because people see their cries (or fake cries) as manipulative and annoying, rather than communicative.
I'm sure some people do that, just as some moms never allow their kids any sort of independence.
Now while I don't let Brynlee get red faced and screaming, she does cry sometimes. Sometimes she cries just because I walk out of a room. Does that mean I never go to another room?? No. I make sure she's fine, I reassure her, then I have to let her cry. She then finds something to play with and stops crying. I don't think she's trying to manipulate me because I don't think babies are capable of such an "evil" term. When they are newborns, I don't think they can be spoiled. But at this age...you can bet your butt I know they can be. It seems to be that more working moms agree than stay at home moms.
I'm sure some people do that, just as some moms never allow their kids any sort of independence.
Now while I don't let Brynlee get red faced and screaming, she does cry sometimes. Sometimes she cries just because I walk out of a room. Does that mean I never go to another room?? No. I make sure she's fine, I reassure her, then I have to let her cry. She then finds something to play with and stops crying. I don't think she's trying to manipulate me because I don't think babies are capable of such an "evil" term. When they are newborns, I don't think they can be spoiled. But at this age...you can bet your butt I know they can be. It seems to be that more working moms agree than stay at home moms.
Just wanted to throw it out there that I am a SAHM and I agree with you. But, you're probably right in saying that I'm in the minority.
Just wanted to throw it out there that I am a SAHM and I agree with you. But, you're probably right in saying that I'm in the minority.
I sort of agree, but I don't think at 8 or 9 months old, they have the ability to form the intent to manipulate. At 16 months, yes. Gabby is definitely at the age where she can throw a fake cry and try to get Sarah to do her bidding. Keelan? not so much.
though, Keelan can definitely manipulate me with his cuteness!
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so now hes spoiled fer real
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