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Well, here goes. I'm starting over for the...3rd or 4th time this year? I did really, really well up until around Logan's birthday. I remember the day that I felt myself starting to backslide. We took a trip to Omaha with the ILs and stopped for lunch after visiting the Henry Doorly Zoo. It was a Friday during Lent so we stopped at Long John Silvers and I ordered a shrimp basket. It was sooo good...and I felt so guilty. I started freaking out inside...telling myself that if I got off "the wagon" there's no way I'd be able to get back on. And I didn't. Not for more than a couple of days. It was a self-fullfilling prophecy. The more I freaked out about gaining the weight back (I had actually lost 12 lbs), the worse off I was.
I always had a great excuse for not eating well on any particular day. "It's Logan's birthday. I'll enjoy the cake, and start over tomorrow." Well, that was atleast 60 tomorrows ago. And it's time to rein myself in. I don't know how to start over. I don't really remember how I found my motivation in January, but I can't keep doing what I'm doing. I feel disgusting and I keep wondering how I'd look by now if I'd stuck with it. I haven't weighed in probably 2-3 weeks, and I don't want to. I know that it wouldn't be pretty, and I'm afraid that if I found out that I'd gained back everything I'd worked so hard to lose, I'd really set myself up for some serious binge eating.
I don't post much on the main board anymore. I'm too embarassed. I pop in when I'm having a good couple of days, and then disappear because I feel like I'm the only one who can't find a groove when it comes to healthy eating and exercise. I feel like the girl who cried "diet" because I've said so many times "I'm starting over...this is it. I'm doing better..." I don't even believe myself anymore.
I'm just afraid that if I don't put a foot down right now, I never will. I'm already putting my life on hold. I don't want to get married until I look my best. And I don't want to have any more children until we're married. It's awful. And those should be some powerful motivators right there. But it still doesn't stop me from reaching for the sweets. According to Dr.Phil (and many nutritionists and personal trainers), in order to succeed, you must create a "no-fail" environment. Which means cleaning out the junk. Not an option for me. We're living with my parents right now, and I don't do all of the grocery shopping. Which means I don't control what comes in here and I can't throw it out. That's the hardest part. If I see it, and I like it, I'll eat it. A lot of it.
I just need to stop seeing weight-loss as being this huge obstacle. It's too overwhelming, and I've always been the type of person to get easily overwhelmed. I need to take it one day at a time. One pound at a time. One meal at a time. I have to start thinking about what I put in my mouth rather than just mindlessly munching away. This is not the way I want to live the rest of my life.
Still struggling...a couple handfulls of Teddy Grahams here, a spoonful of peanut butter there...and being sick the last few days, I just don't have a whole lot of energy. I just don't know how to get back to where I was a few months ago. I remember the first couple of weeks being hard, but then after awhile I didn't have to think about it anymore. But since then, my fiance moved to Chicago for school, and so I'm basically a single parent during the week. It's really hard at times, and food is an easy, quick comfort.
Is it too cold where you live to just get out and take walks with you LO. I guarantee it'll help you to not be as stressed and to be more active in order to not gain (or gain as much) weight.
Throw the teddy grams away and try to replace it with cereal like cheerios or something like that. Put a handful into plastic bags and whenever you get the urge only take ONE plastic bad and eat that as a snack.
I'm no dietitian but I'm pretty sure that'll help you with binge eating. And when thinking about going for seconds, grab a glass of water or cup tea instead and step away from the kitchen.
And for me, buying the 6 pack of applesauce (Lite or no sugar added) OR yogurt helps when i want to snack.
YOU CAN DO IT!!!
Cheley - Mommy of 1 cute DD (BFP 8/4/09 @ 11dpo) Born: 4/20/10
TTC #2:Sept 2015- EP @ 5 weeks, lost right tube
Mar 2016 - EPUL, MTX
July 2016 - CP
IVF - Feb 2017