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  #1  
December 11th, 2011, 07:45 PM
ryansmommy1111's Avatar Proud JM Co-Host
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okay so I had to come up with a name... I think this is pretty accurate so here goes...

yep I am here. again. but this time, I am empowered. I have the tools, I have the support, and I have a potty nearby from having to pee a gazillion times from all the water I'm drinking. I gotta figure out a cutoff for water...it is so not cool to wake up and take a leak 10 times a night. on top of having to wake up with little ryan. hmmm I better save this before it gets erased - to be continued!
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  #2  
December 11th, 2011, 08:58 PM
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alrighty then so I am back... I get off work in a little bit, then I'm off to spend time with my little prince. what was I talking about, oh yes, WEIGHT LOSS DUM DUM DUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lawdy lawdy, I can't believe that I have over 100 lbs to lose. I never had a weight problem til I started havin babies. I love my babies. but I am not lovin this weight. sometimes it really seems impossible to reach. some days I think, "oh...emmmm....geeeee and man oh man how faaaaaaaaaar I got to go!" and other days I think "little by little, I'm gonna get there!!!" I haven't figured out what day this is lol. I think this is my inbetween day. yepper-doo.

I get really discouraged sometimes. just by what I see in the mirror. I haven't always had a weight problem. my goodness I used to model! I have won pageants! but that was in my early 20s... and now.... I'm mid 30s....i feel so old lol. I wanna feel young again! I wanna feel PURTY again. yes I said purty. I live in texas. I'm allowed to sound like a hick. but my hubby likes it lol. I can't wait to look as sexy as he says I sound LOL. It'll happen. It'll happen.
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  #3  
December 12th, 2011, 04:12 PM
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I've been looking over the weight loss before and after pictures.... and ever since I've been overweight I have hated with a seething passion any kind of pictures being taken of me... so consequently I avoid the camera like it's the purple people eater.

but....

after looking at the pictures, I think to myself, wow I better bite the bullet and take some so that I can see how far I've come! I'm a bit freaked out. That post I read was so right, you really don't know how big you are til you look in the mirror. I used to love looking at myself in the mirror, I was in shape and felt beautiful. but now... yep you guessed it - I hate looking in mirrors too.

I guess I still have a hard time with this, even though I've been overweight for a few years now. seeing my face, with this body. so i'm gonna take some pics. and they ain't gonna be pretty... but I saw other girls do it that are near my weight and I figure, if they can do it, so can I! Then I will see how far I have come, and where I never wanna be again.

HERE GOES NOTHIN....

Date: 12/12/2011
Weight: 266 lbs




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  #4  
December 12th, 2011, 05:16 PM
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yes so I have to note most of the weight is around my pregnancy area. due to multiple losses. I guess that's normal. my weight always fluctuated with pregnancy but never really stuck around til I started having angel babies. i sunk into a dark hole with the first one...and just kinda plummeted from there. my life has really sucked the last few years. really really sucked. I pretend all is well and have a laugh about whatever I can to keep myself low stressed...but I come from a place where everything in my life went wrong. and stayed wrong. for six years straight. my father drunk himself stupid...my mother had her own marriage to save...my daughter was being brainwashed by my ex and now is a very confused little girl...my sister started having losses too and dug her own hole to crawl into....my boyfriend got video game mania and had zero desire to do anything but game - even work! we were living off his unemployment for the longest time. then me...still in grieving, had to go back to work for Cruella's bff...just to make ends meet. finally got pregnant on a whim, we weren't even trying, and spent every day scared sheet-less I'd lose this baby too...then gave birth but only took 2 weeks maternity leave because we had no savings, only to be fired for no reason (hey, texas is an at will state). picked myself off the ground, got an at home job, hubby got a job too, but we still struggle. had to give up food stamps because we make too much to get them yet we still are near broke for food. sucks. so I am all about saving money now. but yet, here I am. smiling. in spite of it all. with hope in my heart. you wonder why I try to find reasons to smile? I'm tired of having too many to not smile. It has been a long road of tears. but you know what...I am determined! After losing all these babies I am gonna get in shape and ENJOY the baby I finally have been given! And enjoy my life! no matter what happens! If I can't find joy in my family, or hubby, or whatever... I will be a missus on a mission If it kills me dammit I will be happy! hahahahaha. I will be happy. and healthy. yes I will.
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  #5  
December 13th, 2011, 03:02 PM
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I have reversed my meal today. I didn't have much time for breakfast so I had a slice of nature's own UBERAWESOME premium multigrain bread with 2 tbsp honey roasted peanut butter. Shelley came over with her little ones for a playdate so I was kinda rushed. She texted and asked if I wanted Starbucks and I said sure surprise me - she got me a skinny latte, knowing I'm a missus on a mission! what a good bff she is! So when she left, I was starved and my grilled chicken breast sammy wasn't gonna cut it so yes, I had dinner - for lunch - lol. mmm it was good. meatloaf and roasted red potatoes hooray. I think I'll post those recipes on the recipes board. I have a ton of recipes but I never measure hahahaha, I just eyeball it. not much else going on, I am at work, get off tonight at 930pm, and I'm off tomorrow yay! next on the agenda will be measured too and I can't wait to make it - my greek pasta salad oooooooooooo. it is SO GOOD. or "gewd" as my online friends say lol. homemade dressing. feta cheese. turkey pepperoni. mmm-MMM. corey won't touch it tho lol. on one hand he is all about getting fit for boot camp, but on the other he can't stand raw veggies. i don't mind them as long as I can have some flavor, ya know. some are tasteless lol. I add water to my salad dressing so I can have flavor but not all the calories. I even add water to my milk when I drink it. don't you say yuk to me, I heard that! it ups my water content and tastes more like skim I guess, or just watered down milk lol. I'm not much of a plain water girl unless I'm workin out. you know those milo thingys... man those are good. just a squirt or two and I'm good to go. I love the peach mango and the strawberry watermelon flavors. I would love a pink lemonade flavor. I might take a peek when i go to the store next. for me, I just gotta keep from getting bored. I like stability because it keeps me on track, but i like variety because it keeps my taste buds entertained still have not weighed myself. I think I am gonna hold off on that, just because the weight fluctuations are sooooo hard to swallow aren't they? I mean, you work so hard, you exercise, you stay on plan, then badabingbadabam that mean ol scale sneers at you and says YOU GAINED 5 POUNDS OVERNITE AHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! don't ya hate that. I sure do. that scale is the devil. I don't like it at all. so I plan to weigh once a week. wouldn't it suck if the one day i weighed is the one day i retain water lol. no no no happy thoughts positive thoughts. I'm gonna whip that scale into shape. right along with my bottom.
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  #6  
December 14th, 2011, 10:43 AM
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well isn't this morning just peachy. its been a few days since i weighed so i thought hey, I'll weigh! it shows i am FIVE POUNDS HEAVIER than the last time i weighed. AND I HAVE NOT CHEATED EITHER!!!! I'm like, what in TARNATION is the dealio, man? 5 lbs of weight, reallyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy........ aunt flow better be on her way because this is retarded. seems like i just sent her packin too. i am trying not to be bummed. but i really am. oh i was so mad when i saw that. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrracious alive! found out that my meatloaf disappeared too much yesterday to provide a 3rd dinner, so yes i have to go to the store when dh gets home and plan out dinners then come home and cook. whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. i told him that i made more than enough to last three days and next time i am plating their portions so it DOES last. I work at night and in the afternoons so i'm not out in the house to police portion sizes and who gets how much of what. so yep, looks like i gotta portion for a 17 yr old and a grown man too. they claim they want something different than crockpot food so when i make it, it doesn't last that long. this is why! I stayed up til almost 4am making this **** meal when i had to work the next day. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. and 2 days later poof its gone. ok i am done complaining. i am so tired. gonna have some iced tea and when i'm awake enough i will make ryan and me some eggs and toast. i need a hug.
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  #7  
December 14th, 2011, 12:47 PM
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talked to dh and vented about the portion sizes and meatloaf surprise....he was just as shocked as me. so apparently it was my 17 yr old that is the guilty culprit. and HE preaches fitness too! HUMPH! his portion had to be enough for three people. oyyyy. so anyway, dh is on my side with portioning out meals from now on. usually I will make a big batch and put it in the fridge, and it always lasts - never had a problem with people overeating their share til now. we have a lot of bowls so this should be no problem. got little man down for his nap. he sure is mister grumpus today. I think hims is cutting two more teethies. gave him some tylenol and a "ba ba" and hopefully he'll be sleeping good soon when the meds kick in. I have today off hooray! spending the day relaxing lol. life is good.
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  #8  
December 14th, 2011, 02:38 PM
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FINALLY some good news! My sister who also has some angel babies, just told me that today is the anniversary of the date of her angel baby she carried the longest left this earth, and the baby inside of her is STILL alive, and healthy, moving on ultrasound and has a beautiful heartbeat! WOO HOO! I know how it feels to be pg after multiple losses....one is bad enough. I had 8 before I had my little ryan. she's had 3 I believe. oh goodness I hope she gets to hold this one! and that this baby has a happy and healthy 7 months to go, and that he or she is perfect in every way. It was so surreal when they placed ryan on my tummy after giving birth, I just looked at him and started crying like crazy... happy, sad, oh the rush of emotions that just flooded over me! he was the baby I got to hold. and keep for my own. every child is special, but I have to say, babies born after losses really do have a very special place don't they. mommies of these babies know what I mean. oh please let this pregnancy survive for her. I think of her so often and her little one. my heart just breaks for anyone who has suffered a loss. it really is something no one should go though. I hope her last loss was THE last loss, ever! no more. no more. I remember with the last loss I had before ryan, just like my sister's it was the baby I had carried the longest. and I said back then, "I am gonna HOLD the next baby in my arms." I told my sister to say that same thing and believe it in her heart too. And to get a fetal doppler, I rented mine from online, 25 bucks is a small price to pay for peace of mind. I would spend hours and hours rubbing my belly and talking to ryan while listening to him on that doppler, laying on my bed. such a beautiful, beautiful sound. reminds me of these videos....poeticone2812009 is my youtube name, and that's where all my poetry is.

one I made after my last loss:
"Held" - YouTube

and this one is the first recording I have of ryan's heartbeat:
Our baby's heartbeat! - YouTube

and this one is a cool recording with my doppler too, ryan loved to lay on my pulse inside me lol, and this is what I heard one night:
A Preggo Symphony - YouTube

so if you wanna see ryan, here is one vid I put up of him lol:
Our sweetheart in his bouncy chair - YouTube

and the last one, this one he had just woken up from a nap:
Ryan in his crib just after his nap - YouTube

I love my little boy so much.
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  #9  
December 15th, 2011, 12:02 PM
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Last night dh and I just watched an episode of A Gifted Man, a really good tv series. Tonight's show had a young woman who had contracted rabies from an outdoor camp out, and her boyfriend finally made it to her side while they were getting her ready to go to the hospital. When doctors told this couple the woman would die soon, the boyfriend said "then I will marry her. I can't let her die alone." So there, in the ambulance, a certified priest/staff member married the couple...then 60 seconds later, she was dead. How beautiful it was to see this man marry a girl he knew would not live long....and yet he chose her anyway. Even though it was a fictitious television show, I was in tears. I am such a sap. Whether a life together lasts for 60 seconds, or 60 years, marriage is so precious. To choose to love only one person, to be with only one person, and to endure everything with and for only one person, for the rest of your lives...such a wonderful thing. To every man who refuses to let his lady live another day "alone"....and to each woman who has a man who gave his everything for her in commitment and love...and to each married couple who is the face of true love to the world, and each couple to be married still, what a priceless gift, the gift of giving each other.
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  #10  
December 16th, 2011, 10:27 AM
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what a way to celebrate friday...the scale IS headed back down. whew. *wipes brow* it's like...i know its water and weight fluctuation, but that really was not cool. still weighing 2 lbs more than normal. ever notice when ur tired, you weigh more lol? your body feel heavier. i don't know how to describe it. ryan has been really fussy this week so i have NOT been able to do my dvds. i think that's part of the sluggishness. he literally screams like, in that high tenth octave shrill.... i'll hold my arms out to him and swipes the air and backs away and cries as if he's saying "see, I'll cry no matter WHAT ya do!" sad, but so cute at the same time. and yes i tried tylenol for teething. it's like dr jekyl and mister hyde in a 1 year old. he's usually such a sweet baby....but the claws and horns are protruding through, and there is no denying that he definitely woke up on the wrong side of the crib. today is gonna be a long shift.... i work the same amount of hours but because i don't start til 4pm i work til :gasp: 1230am!!!!!!!! dum da dummmm! I am a night owl, but it's rough working nights bc my time with ryan and dh and all are so limited. it is friday tho so I can only hope. pretty sad i'll start work a mere 15 minutes before dh gets home. eddie bauer has 40% off everything today so it's gonna be a buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuusy day. great for shoppers but i hope my system doesn't crash like it did last night, did some updates so hopefully it's fixed. some people shop online but most need to call in and do their orders by phone bc the free shipping isn't applying to their order. i am only seasonal tho...but i love my job. i really hope they hire me on full time. or that I can get cs training so that i'll be more valuable to the company. ah well enough about work lol....what's on the fun plan for the weekend? well i gotta work tomorrow but not as late - just 2pm to 10pm. and i'm off sunday, and dh and I are gonna go to goodwill - I love goodwill don't hate! kids grow so fast i think it's ridiculous to buy them brand new clothes when they are still teeny like ryan is. plus its all prewashed so no shrinking issues. ryan has plenty of clothes, we need a flat sheet for our bed bc our kitty put holes in it, and i hope to find some containers to store rice and beans in. and our utensils too for the kitchen. and potholders. should be able to find all that for about ten bucks if they got what we need. its wild what goodwill has.... you oughta go just walk around and look one day. even tvs furniture lamps books dvds too. crazy lol. still good on my eating tho. i was starved last night so i had a chicken sammy and an apple while dh and i played super mario. he complains he has back pain and can't sleep a lot at a time...i tried telling him to lose some weight and his back problems would get better but he doesn't listen. he claims he's always had them. i told him last night that he can't think that he can put off losing weight until something bad happens....the time is now, not when a stroke or accident or tragedy takes place. its like on one hand he complains and on the other he acts like he doesn't care he's overweight. and it really bothers me that, if for no other reason but for health and to stick around for ryan and me, he won't really dive into this with me, you know? it's almost like he needs really bad to happen to wake him up and get him to realize that yes, he needs to get serious about this right now. not later. well, pretty soon he'll start seeing me get smaller and smaller, maybe that will tell him that no matter what he does with his body, i'm taking care of mine - whether or not he does it too. and maybe that will inspire him to make a change. maybe it isn't what i say, but its what I DO, that speaks to him. kinda like kids lol.... they hardly listen to what you say, but oh they watch what you do dont they hahahaha. we shall see
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  #11  
December 16th, 2011, 01:08 PM
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just saw the biggest loser finale on comcast ondemand bc I was working and missed the live show. not that I agree with killing yourself, but i just find the show inspiring. i love seeing them literally fight for their lives and their health. amount of weight lost every week doesn't matter...i just love seeing them get there, you know? and how they look at the end, and comparing how they started...wow!!!!!!!!! goodness i wish dh was motivated like me. it really sucks being alone. this board is literally all i got. that, and whatever motivation i can keep going inside me. i fight to keep it going! but i am human. and i get discouraged like everyone else. i guess in a weird way watching that show kinda helps me not feel so alone. because i see other people are fighting to get healthy too, at the same time i am. I see them sweat in the gym, and cry out, and scream, and get mad...and I'm like yessssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!! sometimes you have to get mad at yourself! and get ferocious! ya gotta be that way so you get serious. when you are surrounded by people who either don't really know your battle with weight because they never been overweight, or by people who don't care about being overweight, you really are standing all by yourself. it is a really scary place for me, who usually is so independent, to admit how much i need support to make this happen. i need it so badly. just like on the show how they all pushed each other and encouraged each other and wouldn't let anyone give up or quit or slack off - i want everyone here to be just like that. i'll do everything i can for anyone here. it is a give and take. and we'll all get there, together.
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  #12  
December 17th, 2011, 10:50 AM
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HOORAY so the scale is finally on a downhill slope.... this morning i am back down to almost my lowest, just 1 lb away. also...dh's sister is doing her christmas baking, and the whole house smells like cookies and I am not even wanting it. at all. maybe it's bc me and her just don't get along lol, and its the baker that's turning off my taste buds, I don't know and I don't care. I'm sitting here thinking that if "other" people wanna eat that stuff then let em but as for me, nothing tastes as good as thin feels. maybe my example will rub off on dh and he won't have any (I highly doubt that'll happen but I can hope, right). last day to work for me for a couple days, I am off sunday and monday yay. I guess my only dilemma is, she wasn't supposed to start her baking til tomorrow, and she's starting it today so I don't know. I'd like to make my breakfast. my eggs are gonna smell like sugar cookies - gross ack!!! sugar cookie eggs. yukko! with chili powder! even worse! ah well, i start work in a couple hours so i'm gonna go chill with dh and my little ryan.
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  #13  
December 17th, 2011, 06:41 PM
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I am done talking to dh. we have so much home drama. and i am too busy at work to even vent about it. I try to talk to him but he doesn't listen. and by the time he does listen it's only because he sees I am near tears and he has pushed me beyond my breaking point. I try to tell him that it should not take tears or me having chest pains from stress for him to sit up and pay attention, that he should care enough if I am bothered in the first place, like i am with him. my system crashed at work so when i rebooted i just went for a walk. didn't tell dh why. just grabbed my keys and walked out the door. I couldn't stay gone long because I needed to get back to work but I just needed to get out! my heart literally feels heavy, like I can feel it breaking. and talking doesn't do any good. I really feel so alone.
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  #14  
December 20th, 2011, 05:25 PM
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Well dh has apologized, and so all that is behind me. I disappeared for a day just relaxing on my day off, but I was good, I did not cheat at all so yay. I think I'm gonna hold off on weighing tho, it is getting close to my TOM. it's very busy at work so I can't type much. now I haven't exercised, that I should say. I've felt so drained. but i know i need to do that. starting tomorrow!
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  #15  
December 20th, 2011, 05:31 PM
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i guess this means you guys kick my patootey now right.... lol.... I wanted to work out but I am so exhausted from dh's and my issues, and little ryan weaning off his baba.... i need to keep reminding myself that exercise actually helps us deal with life's dilemmas, and helps our mood and loads of other things. I am so ashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamed of myselffffffffffffffffffffffffff lol. well... I am. so this is for me in case no one slaps my wrist - BAD MOMMY BAD MOMMY! okay there, I scolded myself. tomorrow is a new day
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  #16  
December 22nd, 2011, 02:42 PM
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something is really wrong with me. I just feel like crap and my skin hurts all over. am I coming down with something?! I didn't exercise yesterday or today, I felt worse, that's why. How did I feel worse? skin hurt...lower back excruciating pain, had to take vicodin and flexerall it was so bad, muscle spasms all in my back and legs, I thought I pulled something at first!!!! today i feel the same....but i don't remember pulling anything at all. or moving weird or anything. I cannot explain why my lower back felt like that last night. on a level of 1-10 that was definitely a solid 8. today it is a 6, but escalating slowly as the day moves on. this sucks!!!!!!!!!! we went to the grocery store so I could hold onto the cart for stability and maybe walk it out in case i had just some muscle cramps going on but i got worse, and could barely walk inside the house. I am so sad. I can't lose weight without exercise, I've stayed the same weight for this whole year, been working really hard at my diet and done GREAT but it takes exercise for my body to lose. just when I get started and get released from my doctor this happens!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! is there anything I can do sitting????? I don't know what else I can do other than cardio and things standing up! I need a hug.
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  #17  
December 22nd, 2011, 03:09 PM
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man this is gonna be an interesting christmas lol. every year, dh and I usually just have a christmas dinner for just he and me and the kids at home. then, we go to the extended family christmas dinner where the whole family goes, you know. I called my momma back the other morning and she says to me "so what are ya'll doing for christmas". so, thinking she meant dh and me, I said "well we usually have the small dinner here and dh got a free turkey from work". so she says "oh great, just let me know what day and time and I will be there!" I was like O.o lol. so I kinda got suckered into hosting christmas dinner for the whole family. and our home is teeny tiny. no table, no seating for more than 5 people in the living room, a kitchen about the size of my closet lol.... I have a small small 800 sq ft condo. so anyway, its easy to just make more sides. having the room is my only objection lol. so this will be interesting hahahaha. next year i'll have to remember to say "NO plans for christmas, whose house is it gonna be at bc it can't be here" lol.
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  #18  
December 23rd, 2011, 07:41 PM
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I am being a very bad girl. I have eaten nothing but raw veggies all day just so I can allot enough calories to drink mojitossssssssssssss tonight! I gotta work til 1230 midnight which really sucks, so i'm on the phone, sippin on my drink and feeling no pain for once. do you know the last time I even had any drink???? oh my goodness...it's been...almost 2 years! since before ryan was born! he's 13 months old, and I surely didn't touch it when i was pregnant and that's 9 months, so 22 months. I never did drink often anyway, but it sure is nice when i do. it is relaxing and a nice treat. so why now? I'm tired of popping vicodin that's why! it isn't sharp pain but more like an all over achy feeling. I got in some rest this afternoon so I'm happy about that. made my red beans and rice, and yes its healthy lol. I'll be cooking christmas dinner tomorrow so all I have to do is heat it up on sunday. I had to do a few tweaks because I am now cooking for ten people not five. so the menu is: the free smoked turkey dh got from his job (ty to siemens), roasted red potatoes with olive oil and rosemary, steamed green beans with toasted sliced almonds, steamed carrots with cinnamon, garlic bread made with multigrains, and dessert..................................... check this out. okay.... dessert is a layered dessert, my own creation: snackwells fat free devils food cookies broken into pieces, on top of that some sugar free fat free butterscotch pudding, then a layer of sugar free cool whip, then a layer of sugar free fat free chocolate pudding, then ya start all over with the devils food cookies and continue til you reach the top. THEN in a food processor, break up a few of the sugar free russell stover peanut butter crunch candies so it makes like a candy coating, and sprinkle allllllllllllll over the top. NOW girls, is that dessert or what? lol. DH decided against the bananas, he says they make his throat tickle, I dont know what that means lol. But I feel pretty good about this dessert! I hope it tastes good lol. I think it will. I need to name it.... how about.... oh I don't know lol. maybe I'll come up with one later.
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  #19  
December 27th, 2011, 04:06 PM
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well food wise I have been a good girl. found out why I was feeling so weak - hormones! I ended up starting my T.O.M. on Christmas Day and those are always so rough for me. ever since i had ryan I have cramps that would make labor pains jealous. yet I don't have cysts or fibroids or anything like that. and if I am the slightest bit active, my flow gets crazy heavy, almost to the point of a trip to the hospital, so I've been on my heating pad. I can't wait til this is OVER and I can get off my butt and get moving again. sheesh!
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~ Holli, Princess Jigglebuster , proud mommy of 8 angel babies and 3 little squirts, phenominal homemaker, MasterChef of my kitchen, resident psychologist and boot camp instructor, boo boo fixer, private tutor, maid, most awesome partner for my dh , AND queen of "kiss it better" 's





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"If you can't accept me at my worst, then you sure don't deserve me at my best."


"Nothing tastes as good as thin feels"

"If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you
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  #20  
December 30th, 2011, 09:33 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 300
so once again checking in, celebrated dh's birthday, I'm getting sick AGAIN can you believe it???? I'm like oh...em.....GEE! I just got done being sick right???? geez la-weez. i tell ya. this is getting old. I feel like I am doomed to forever be this weight. my chest burns and feels really tight, so because it's below the neck webmd says no no to exercise while sick. man i really am frustrated. peeved! and sad.
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~ Holli, Princess Jigglebuster , proud mommy of 8 angel babies and 3 little squirts, phenominal homemaker, MasterChef of my kitchen, resident psychologist and boot camp instructor, boo boo fixer, private tutor, maid, most awesome partner for my dh , AND queen of "kiss it better" 's





To lose weight, stay fit and motivated, get support, have fun and form friendships with a part of a great group of girls, follow me to the Mommy Weightloss and Fitness Board!
http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f31-mommy-weightloss-and-fitness/


"If you can't accept me at my worst, then you sure don't deserve me at my best."


"Nothing tastes as good as thin feels"

"If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you
always got"


"Quitting is NOT an option"
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