[ashj_1218]

Background: Liam had some serious sleep issues. I am guessing genetic, since DH is not a good sleeper. But he woke up every hour (no lie) for the first 9 months of his life. I LOVE to sleep and can tank a good 12 hours every night if given the option. So this created a bunch of animosity (sp?) and I eventually just let him cry-it-out at 10 months old. I did a "modified version" where I went in and made sure he knew I was there. But it took about 4-5 days to get him to sleep 3-4 hours at a stretch. And, honestly, I felt sooooo guilty (I was *never* going to make my baby cry himself to sleep), but it was worth it for my sanity. He still gets up here and there and I can handle it. But the every hour thing just about killed me.

So with this little guy I begged and prayed for a good sleeper. And despite all efforts...he sucks at it. He fights sleep (literally moving his head around and propping open his eyes to keep himself awake) and takes a solid hour or two to get to settle at night. Naptime basically does not exist, although he falls asleep on me in the carriers a lot (like running errands). He hates the swing and never sleeps in there. After his first stretch of sleep at night (4-5 hours), he basically does not sleep the rest of the night.

I was taking a shower the other day and he was in his crib watching his mobile and started crying. I could not get to him for about 5 solid minutes. And when I went in, he was fast asleep. He slept for 2 hours in his crib. That night, after nursing him for a long time and rocking for a while in the rocker...he was doing his typical move-his-head around to avoid sleep manuever. At that point, it could have been another hour before he finally gave in. I had to pee and was a bit irritated, so I went and put him in his crib. He fussed and cried a little while I was going potty and was rubbing his face around on the mattress, like he does. But in about 3 minutes, he was fast asleep. He slept from 9pm-2am in there.

So my dilemma is that I am at a juncture of what *I* want versus what he seems to respond to better. Sure, he wants to be rocked and patted and on my chest to fall asleep...but that takes hours and just makes both of us frustrated. If I just put him down in his crib (at least the past couple times), he fusses for a few minutes and then goes right out. And sleeps GOOD. No transferring and hoping he doens't wake up, to start the whole routine again. I swore I was going to be better about him and sleeping...that I would tolerate whatever issues he had and not make him cry to go to sleep. I wanted to co-sleep in my room for at least the first 6-9 months. And I wanted to be able to accept whatever he needed to help him sleep.

Turns out...he wants to be in his crib, away from me. And seems to want to settle himself down. And I feel guilty that I am so grateful to not have to go through the two hour song and dance to get him to sleep. I prefer to listen to his cries for 2-3 minutes (I never let him go longer than that, I pick him up and try something else for a little while) if it means he goes to sleep. Is that horrible?? What would you do in this situation? I don't want to ignore his own style...but I have always thought that letting a baby (especially a 2-month-old) cry to settle down was mean. But it seems less painful for him than the rocking, walking, bouncing method. I hate how guilty I feel...as I was going to be so much "better" about his sleep issues than I was with Liam's. But it turns out that sleep issues are a HUGE issue for me and the better I can get him to sleep, the happier I am, more tolerant and patient all around.

So...sorry that was long. And words of wisdom? Comments? Concerns? Suggestions? I just need someone else's opinion on this.

[geogeek]

If it works for him, it works! I don't think that it is mean at all. If you were allowing 5+ minutes of crying, in my opinion that is mean, but you aren't. Don't feel guilty at all!

[Irish_Wristwatch]

Ross was like that, hes just never been a cuddly baby, I spent hours rocking and feeding him only to have him sleep for 20 minutes for months! (no lie like 6 months) until i finally put him in his crib one day, drowsy but still awake so i could take a pee, like Liam he fussed at first but by the time i was done in the bathroom he was asleep, being left alone worked for him. So thats what we did, hes still not the greatest of sleepers (he still wakes up once most nights) You need to do what works for your family and it sounds like being left alone works for Liam

[WendyBird]

So what I wonder, is where the notion came from that if we allow babies to cry we are considered terrible parents? There is nothing wrong with letting a baby cry. ESPECIALLY if it's for just a few minutes as they fuss and soothe themselves to sleep. Yes, we need to see to their needs and make sure nothing is wrong. But let them cry! It's okay....really!

I think you letting him cry/fuss for a few minutes to get to sleep is just fine. It saves your sanity and hours of your time.

[rebecca0217]

I agree with Wendy. There is nothing wrong with letting your baby cry for a bit. I mean...if they are crying in their bed, carseat, swing or in your arms, what is the difference? Now, letting your baby scream IMO is not okay. Scott will fall asleep in my arms and I will put him in his swing and sometimes he waked up after like 10 minutes and he cries. I used to rush over and pick him up. But a couple of times he started crying and I couldn't get to him right away-I was either in the shower or changing a poopy diaper from one of his other siblings- and by the time I was done, I noticed he wasn't crying. He had fallen back asleep! I think that if you KNOW he will fall asleep and he isn't screaming in pain or fear then you are not being a bad Mommy at all. You are simply going with what he likes best. Good for you for finding what works for him and for you. I find that I am a better Mommy (and everything else) when I get sleep and I am sure that all Mom's notice that about themselves

[east to west coast]

Agreed with all of the pp's. In my mind, CIO was when you let babies cry for at least 30 minutes without attending to them. From the second day we had her home, I let Mira fuss (not so much cry, but moan, growl, rub her eyes, kick, etc.) in her co-sleeper to soothe herself to sleep. I want her to be able to fall asleep by herself without having to be held, and so far it's working.

[lulumama]

We just started allowing ourselves this kind of room as well - I was adamantly opposed to Owen fussing by himself, but, surprisingly, he has self-soothed sometimes better than I could, and finally he's napping for longer than an hour, on his own and not in my arms. It's so tricky when our philosophy/dogma gets in the way of what might be best for our children!

[LessthanThree]

Crying it out is much different than what you are doing. You know what is best for your baby and if fussing for a few minutes makes it easier for him to sleep than do it. You are doing it because it is best for him, not you. Doing it for yourself at your child's expense is CIO (letting them cry themselves to sleep for 30+ minutes).

Different things work for different babies. You're not doing anything bad.

[ResilientSmile]

Originally Posted by WendyBird

So what I wonder, is where the notion came from that if we allow babies to cry we are considered terrible parents? There is nothing wrong with letting a baby cry. ESPECIALLY if it's for just a few minutes as they fuss and soothe themselves to sleep. Yes, we need to see to their needs and make sure nothing is wrong. But let them cry! It's okay....really!

I think you letting him cry/fuss for a few minutes to get to sleep is just fine. It saves your sanity and hours of your time.

Thanks for this! I was thinking "wow, I've had some terrible mom moments then." As Lila's pedi says "babies cry". In fact, Lila is just now working the back of her hand (sometimes she sucks her fingers and Saturday she gave herself a hickey on her arm) to soothe herself b/c she won't take a paci.

So after you have met K's needs and he takes a few minutes to soothe himself and drifts off to dreamland get some zzz's yourself

[natty]

I have to agree with everyone else you r doing your best mama and thar seems to be what is best for both of youi know it is hard though hugs

[Seattlite]

Originally Posted by WendyBird

So what I wonder, is where the notion came from that if we allow babies to cry we are considered terrible parents? There is nothing wrong with letting a baby cry. ESPECIALLY if it's for just a few minutes as they fuss and soothe themselves to sleep. Yes, we need to see to their needs and make sure nothing is wrong. But let them cry! It's okay....really!

I think you letting him cry/fuss for a few minutes to get to sleep is just fine. It saves your sanity and hours of your time.

I totally agree. Babies cry. It is not the end of their world if they can't get their wants/needs met for a couple minutes. They will not turn into serial killers or become drug addicts because they cried at bedtime for a couple minutes, and you are not a bad mother because your child cries for a couple minutes.

[TexasDreams]

sometimes my babies have to cry while im attending to the other...its just has to happen sometimes. ive read its important to let you child learn to self soothe and not hold them till they fall asleep anymore.

nadine fights her sleep. its like she doesnt want to miss anything

[carisma]

I agree with everyone else! Sometimes I have let Dillon fuss/cry for a few minutes of I need to tend to the girls that very moment, or if I'm in the shower.

[eccomi]

Originally Posted by WendyBird

So what I wonder, is where the notion came from that if we allow babies to cry we are considered terrible parents? There is nothing wrong with letting a baby cry. ESPECIALLY if it's for just a few minutes as they fuss and soothe themselves to sleep. Yes, we need to see to their needs and make sure nothing is wrong. But let them cry! It's okay....really!

I think you letting him cry/fuss for a few minutes to get to sleep is just fine. It saves your sanity and hours of your time.

AMEN, sister!

[blessedmom080911]

I agree that if that is what works for him that's what works for him.

[SillyKitty]

What you are doing is not the same thing as CIO. Some babies just want to settle themselves, so go with it. I've noticed that Lucia has made her own bedtime and wants a routine of nursing then being put in the co-sleeper sometime between 8-9. Sometimes she will fall asleep while nursing, while other nights she will be fussy but will fall asleep within a couple minutes of being put in the co-sleeper.

If you do really want him in the room with you, you could always bring a pack n play or even the crib into your room so that he has that separation but is still close to you.

[11eleven]

also ditto Wendy and everyone else!
if it works to get him to sleep, DONT feel guilty!! we need our sanity! he self soothes after 2-3 minutes? that's actually amazing!

[lindz_fay]

I agree with everyone else. There is no right way for every baby. They are all different and we have to find what works best. Sounds like you did just that.