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We are on an insanely tight budget. So tight that going even 1 dollar over our grocery budget can throw everything off and cause payments to be late because of overdraft fees and what not. The reason we are on such a tight budget is because when we got stationed back in the states after being overseas we lost almost $1000/month. That hurt us a lot and we have pretty much been living on credit cards since.
Every paycheck I have to budget out the $$ perfectly. Which includes writing a menu plan and grocery list of only must haves. Then I have to pay the bills, figure out exactly how much $$ we will need for gas (hope like hell that it's enough for DH to at least get to work) and leave enough left over so that DH doesn't complain that he works for nothing (he gets $50 a paycheck).
When I go grocery shopping I have a panic attack when we get up to the register. Knowing that if I went over something has to go back. I coupon just so we don't go over but I still have a panic attack everytime.
DH DOESN'T help. He just says he'll screw it up and that its better if I do it all. So all the stress on making sure our bills are paid falls on me. If he gets a call saying a payment is late he goes off on me cause I'm hurting his credit and we need to find a way to not let that happen. I've tried to find a job. Applied for quite a few jobs and never get it. I haven't worked in almost 7 years, and I have no marketable job skills. I've tried and I always fail. But I'm told repeatedly that I need a job.
Meanwhile, I'm taking care of 2 kids. My son is very active and wakes up super early. DD is 3 months old. She cries a lot and wants to be hold quite a bit lately. She sleeps good at night but stays up until at least 2 am every night. DS wakes up between 7 and 8. It's usually 3am before I get to bed. My house is a wreck (and I'm told "We need to find a way to keep the house clean"). My husband comes home from work and sits on the couch. He'll hold DD but if she cries than she must be hungry and he hands her off to me. He rarely interacts with our son unless he's yelling at him. I've told him repeatedly that he's ruining his relationship with his son, and he'll try for a day or two but then it's back to the same old thing.
I'm tired, stressed and I really just want to run away. Leave my husband and kids behind and never look back. I love my family but I can't stand the stress and failure anymore!
I know that everyone is probably going through similar situations as well. I'm guessing I'm just not strong enough to deal with it all anymore.
Oh that's hard. As for getting a job, get quotes on how much it will cost you to put both kids in childcare and then find out how much minimum wage is in your state (which is probably what you'll make starting off in any job) and show him that, it will hopefully at least get him off your back about the job, unless you want one. I haven't had a job in years but I volunteer alot and that goes towards experience for a resume. I take care of our bills too and it sucks. And although this will probably cause more drama for you and your situation but if it was my husband, I would take that 50 dollars away from him. Too bad, so sad. We can't afford it right now, not when 1 dollar over on groceries will throw everything else off. He is working for what matters, keeping his family going. I have heard coming back to the states is hard financially, we never were stationed overseas (our oldest wasn't allowed to go due to her medical problems) but I have heard that plenty of times. Take a deep breath and know you aren't alone (I remember one christmas I bought gifts for the daughter at the dollar tree). We all have rough times. Can you babysit or something?
“First things first, but not necessarily in that order.” The Doctor
I'm sorry that your stressed!! Money problems aren't any fun at all. Have you thought about trying to babysit?? I babysit from home and I charge $90 per week for 1 kid. I've been babysitting for a while and have a nanny degree, so I charge a bit more than I used to. Just a thought!!!
I third looking into babysitting a kid in your home. For 1 family, you don't need to get licensed in any state that I know of. Depending on your area, you can charge up to like $125/wk. I know this will not help with getting house stuff done, but it will help a lot financially. Also, if it's a kid close to your DS's age, that can give him a playmate and get him out of your hair so-to-speak.
I have thought of babysitting. I live on base so I'm required to get licensed through the FCC to babysit in my home. I'm thinking that I'm going to have to get serious about getting it done. Just not sure where to find a babysitter so that I can do the classes they require. Oh, it's something to think about anyway.
Thank you all for reading and commenting. Just getting off my chest is a lot of help but having someone else on the outside say it's not so bad is comforting too!
I think babysitting would be the best option too. I am sorry your husband isn't being understanding about things. It is very hard and stressful to be the one who has to deal with the bills when you don't have the money to do so.
We just now paid all our bills for june and one we had left over from may...him taking off work when we had emily really put us behind because he only got paid for one week of his leave.
It is really hard to work outside the home when you don't have a free baby sitter or family nearby to help. You would be working to pay the daycare fee pretty much.
Don't forget your husband is stressed too, that is why he is grumpy with the kids. I know this sounds harsh, but you will just have to work harder if you want to keep your family together. You need to keep the house clean. You need to cut back even more on the food budget. Let him keep his pocket money.
I can spend so little on food for the week when need be.
Make sure you are having sex too, that helps their mood.
If you change, he will change.
No matter what, just show him love. It will be hard, but eventually he will come back around. Someone needs to make the first move, it has to be you.
Sorry you are so stressed! Trying to do the budget can be a pain in the butt. I do ours and it can be stressful at times. Once you get the hang of it though, it isn't that bad.
Have you made a list to see if you can cut expenses anywhere else?
Are you making the most out of using your coupons by matching them up with store sales. You can save a good amount doing that. One of my favorite sites to frequent when doing my shopping list and menu for the week is The Krazy Coupon Lady
Have you looked into other work at home options? I know someone who does medical transcription from her home. I think she does okay with the pay too.
(((HUGS))) I'm sorry you are going through this. Hang in there. I would also tell DH the $50 budget of his temporarily has to go if having food on the table is that tight. He can have it back as soon as things get more stable.