[Lady Valkyrie]

Who has been through this and has some tips for me?

Daniel seems to have mixed feelings about the baby. He seems chuffed and will talk about names and about it being in my tummy sometimes, and other times he goes all quiet if we try to speak to him about it. I think mostly it's still too intangible for him, because my belly is not all that big yet, so it perhaps seems unreal?

What can I do to help him prepare now, and do you have any tips for how to make sure he remains settled and happy when baby gets here?

*For those who don't know, though I know some of you here do know, Daniel has Autism Spectrum Disorder, so he finds change especially difficult.*

[Mod-quietsong]

I found, with Eric, that it became more real as time went on. As early as you are in the pregnancy, he didn't really get it either... I got some books about having babies, and have been including him in a lot of the preparations as they come along - sharing ultrasound pictures, pointing out babies when we see them in public, getting him to help plan and shop and pick out things. Once baby was really moving and shaking, I got Eric to feel the baby move a few times, and having a big belly to point out to has really helped too! Involvement has really been key though, and I know it's especially hard with Daniel's ASD to factor in, but I'm sure you can find some ways that make sense to him. We do a lot of "what do you think" conversations too - what do you think baby will look like, what kinds of games do you think baby will like to play, what do you think baby will have in common with you, etc. We just sort of make it a regular topic for conversation without pushing too hard and let him come around to it.

Danny, of course, is going to be the problem. Eric's totally smitten with the whole baby idea. All of it is going right over Danny's head, and I'm a little scared of how he'll react once baby is here

[Butter]

We didn't really do anything to prepare the kids. The baby-to-be was talked about but we didn't do anything special for any of them.

[mindyjean]

My son was 3 when we had our youngest. I didn't really tell him until I was 20 weeks, and he came with us to the ultrasound and saw the baby on the screen--he was really excited about getting a brother. I also bought the "big brother" book (I found it at Barnes and Noble) in which you can ask big brother about his feelings and write them down in the book, which is like a journal/scrapbook that you can look back on. Then there's questions/activities as the baby grows that my oldest enjoyed doing (stickers, pictures, ect).

[Admin-Twinkle]

We didn't tell the kids until about 20 weeks or so when I was pregnant with Paul. Before that point it was pretty intangible and not something they could really understand or feel connected to. Once we knew that the baby was a boy, we talked about having a little brother and I'd take the kids to my midwife appointments with me. We had a homebirth and prepared the kids for that as well (even though they ended up not being here for it). We did a lot of "what do you think" types of questions and scenarios as well. In the end all the talking about it and whatnot really didn't make too much of a difference... once the baby comes everything falls into place, you find a new routine and a new normal (while of course incorporating the important things from before).