[BeccaMenk]

Okay, I know that every birth is different...and I just read a ton of birth stories...both with epidurals that were great, without epidurals, and with epidurals that were terrible...and honestly..can you really plan for a birth? It really freaks me out because in the end it is all in the moment. And being a first time mom it is even worse because I have no idea how I am going to respond to the pain, the epidural, or anything else...I have never been there so it is all unknown to me aside from what other people say.

I mean, my sister had her first with an epi and was induced...no problems really. She was dead set on a natural birth with her second but her baby was big and he just wouldn't come out. Eventually she ended up with an epidural and C-section. Her last baby was born in a hotel room completely naturally. All three of her births were totally different stories.

I hear people writing up birth plans and I guess I can decide what I ideally want to happen, but in the end there is no guarantees. I am just glad that I have very experienced doctor who I really trust to do what is best for me and baby ( and I pray it is him and not his partner..who I do trust but am not quite as comfortable with since he has not been doing this as long). I think the scariest thing for me is hearing how often babies seem too have heart rate drops and go into distress...

I admit too, I am more afraid of the actual baby coming out and after birth than I am of the labor before hand. The idea of tearing all that freaks me out....sigh...I guess I need to just stop focusing on the what ifs and think about the precious baby boy that is coming...in the end he is all that matters.

[*Jillian*]

You sound EXACTLY like me 5 years ago when I was pregnant with DS. Reading those stories did prepare me of what might happen, but they really worried the hell out of me too. lol And you're right, being a first time mom makes it hard to know what you are in for when it comes to birthing a baby.

I can't tell you anything other than when it happens you will be prepared. Does that make sense? I think these long 9 months prepare our minds so that labor isn't as scary as we can make it out to be. There's some inner strength that comes out and chances are you will do great and so will the baby.

I was induced, with an epi, labor for 8 hours, pushed 3 times and had VERY minimal tearing. My son did fine. So, at least that's one story that won't scare the crap out of you! lol

[Twhylite21]

Don't stress! I think birth stories are wonderful, but they can also freak people out. You just have to remember that your child's birth is going to be its own unique experience.

I think it's good to have a birth plan to have an idea of what you want, especially for after birth options (ie: having time with baby before they do bath, if you want baby to get Vitamin K injection, eye ointment, etc). It doesn't mean that your birth is going to go as expected, but it's just good to have an idea of what you want.

Vi's heart rate dropped very low and she was just fine and was a home birth. It's not abnormal for their heart rate to drop.

Both my labors pretty much went according to what I expected, except for Vi being stuck while pushing for 3 hours. I do think that reading about birth/labor (not birth stories, but actual birth books, etc) helped me learn more about the process, so I knew what to expect along the way more.

[beautyexists72]

Watch hypno birthing and water births on youtube! Made me feel way better!

[LCB2010]

I feel much the same way. This is my first baby, and I'm really worried about being pressured into inducing and having everything snowball until I need a c-section. That's what happened to my sister with her first child (second was a repeat c-section). She also started to hallucinate, thinking the baby was already born, before she was prepped for surgery, and her son had started going into distress (both were probably from all of the interventions and the Pitocin). I don't want anyone to arbitrarily declare that my labor is taking too long and push me into getting Pitocin. I'm having trouble getting my husband on board with exactly how much I DO NOT want to consent to be induced. His attitude is more "We'll see what happens. As long as we have a healthy baby, that's all that matters." I can see where he's coming from, but it does little to calm my (nearly irrational in intensity) fear of being induced and having that lead to more and more interventions. I guess I'm not too worried about tearing- to me it seems like a relatively small price to pay to have a vaginal birth.

[imdawn]

Birth stories can be scary and the unknown is definitely so hard to deal with. I was dead set on a natural birth and ended up getting the experience I had hoped for. Even now though, I worry about things going well with #2. It is only natural to worry.

That being said, try not to focus so much on the things you can't control. Talk to your doctor about what you are scared about and about the things you want/don't want the most. I felt a lot better once I had my doctor sign off on my birth plan. At least then I had thought about what was important to me and I knew my doctor knew what was important to me. My birth plan ended up helping quite a bit when it came to the nurses. They really worked to stick to it when possible.

[*MJ*]

My doula said most moms she has are more nervous with their second child, and I have to agree. Because you know exactly what's coming after going through it before! So I say, you are right that you never can predict what your birth will be like and you have no experience yet, so just trust your doctors, be clear on what you do and don't want, and enjoy the experience! There is nothing like that naivete with your first birth. It's nerves for sure, but there is also that excitement, and you just have to go with it

[fromustobaby]

The only way I can think about it is that at this point, the baby has to get out some way...gotta grin and bear it, and then the reward is amazing...I tend to not focus on it much (though I did have a very very good experience with Kaiden) cause once that baby is out - trust me in that the birth itself doesnt matter at all (at least to me)

[lunarmagic]

It is so normal to be freaked out! I think you can prepare yourself with knowledge and understanding the general process and some of the possibilities, but no you can never really prepare yourself fully for your birth because it can go so many different ways... it's always a unique experience. My plan each time has been to arm myself with knowledge on the common problems and interventions and bring a book with me (and my husband to read said book to me) about things that can go differently.

It's certainly interesting, though! I was expecting a long, hard labor with my first.... given that I was induced (he had already passed) and it was my first baby. I did not expect a very easy 6 hour labor. Then with Kate I was prepared for a fast labor but at the same time I knew she was sunny side up so I thought she might take a long time. Instead her labor stopped and started and totally faked me out! I kept thinking I wasn't in real labor!

There are a lot of scary parts about birthing a baby. It's a huge deal. It's this huge physical marathon and you don't know what to expect. But. It's also AMAZING. I know not everyone walks out of their birth feeling like that, but I get such a rush thinking about how primal it is, how life-changing an event it is to give birth to a baby. No matter how it happens, you gestated a baby and then birthed it and suddenly it's this living being in your arms. That is AMAZING!

Oh and the birth "plan".... I think the name is misleading. I called mine my birth preferences.... because that's what it is, it's my preference, given that things are normal and go as expected. I prefer to hold my baby right away, to delay cord clamping, to be with her at all times. I prefer to labor freely without monitors strapping me down, in whatever position I want to. but obviously there are things that come up that would change things, and that's okay. My list is a "given all else is proceeding unremarkably...." It's not a PLAN set in stone. It's not even an expectation. Just a strong preference.

[dream2bemommy22]

Ive found that a "go with the flow" attitude has really helped me with both of my births, and not feeling any regret or sadness about them. I had a csection with DD and an induced/epi VBAC with DS. Both are "unconventional" but both made me so happy. I never felt like i was cheated out of "anything" becuase i went into both without expectations, without a birth plan, without having to have certain things done. It worked really well for me.

This time i have a few expectations, but they arent about the birthing process themselves, but more about once my baby is here. Things like " will my baby be put on my chest, will i be able to breastfeed as soon as she comes out" And ive already asked questions at my hospital saying that it is the case for both of them, as they are a very "skin to skin" friendly hospital.

I know that anything can change how my birth experience is going to be, so i choose to not expect more than getting my baby here in the safest way possible for both myself and Olivia.

[muffin300]

yeah I had a general idea of what I wanted after the baby was born. but getting to that point, my only goal was have a healthy baby at the end of whatever has to happen. I left it pretty wide open and was very pleased with the experience, because I had no expectations.

[*MJ*]

Well, I had birth preferences but never wrote them out, I just talked to my provider about them. I went with a midwife. Then I developed pre-eclampsia and then just went with what the doctors recommended, keeping myself open, letting go of any control, just focusing on my baby. The experience ended up not being my favorite thing in the world, lol, and I was left with some trauma to deal with. And it wasn't because my expectations didn't happen, as I threw any expectations out the window once I developed a complication and just went with it. It was because I had a very very rough birth. Point is, having expectations and a birth plan, not having expectations and a birth plan - you never know what it will be like. You never know how you will feel. Just go with what feels natural to you and know that if you do end up being one of us that has a rough birth (I was in the hospital for 6 days after), you can get through that. You can get through anything! we are strong, hear us roar!!

[lindsey2000k]

This is my second and I am FREAKING out. Until I read on here I had no clue you bleed alot more with each baby I thought the bleeding with DD was bad.
I also just learned (i asked this to my dr and never got an answer) from my Doula & Chiro that because I had a epsiotomy most likly chances are as the baby is coming out the scar is going to bust right back open and I will at least need stiches The stiches and that area healing after DD was the worst part of the whole birth experiance for me.
I just wish I was more educated when I had DD because I feel like her DR ruined my body and I just let him do it cause I did not know I was allowed to tell him NO. but the hospital and DR I used episiotomys are just standard practace

I was induced, epidural the whole 9 yards with DD and I do know that is what I do not want this time because I had to many medical interventions to be able to enjoy her birth.

[Raven_Haired_Mama]

I was really scared with my first. To make matters worse I would watch some show that was not all roses like baby story. It showed women having emergency situations.

I took tons of classes at the hospital just to feel more prepared.

My advice would be to prepare yourself mentally for anything. That way if you do decide last minute to get an epi or if you need a c-section it will be easier to deal with.

[speechteach42]

I agree with birth preferences for sure. I've always found the "birth plan" terminology to be a bit laughable bc babies do what they want and you don't know how your body/mind will react to the pain of labor. Having preferences and discussing them with your doctor is a good idea though. Reading up on what will be happening to your body and or doing a birth class and going to a hospital tour really helped me. It's nerve wracking enough without getting there and realizing you're not sure what entrance and where to go. Easier said then done but just trying to relax and not be afraid of the pain is what I tried to remind myself of.

[Jennmarie]

You've gotten great advice already. I am nervous about this little girl's birth as well, and I'm on my third. I have had great experiences with both-induced w/ pitocin and had an epi with my first; went into labor on my own and had an epi halfway through with my second, and had amazing experiences both times. So if something doesn't go like it did with my boys, it may freak me out. The idea of having a csec terrifies me, since I've never had one before.

Lindsey, idk if its the same concept or not; but I tore with my first and was expecting to tear with my second just b/c I figured if I tore once, I'd tear again. But I didn't. The bleeding wasn't that much worse to me, other than passing a clot, something that had never happened to me before.

Just remember that we have just as good a chance of having the births we hope for as we do having complications. So, think positively