[muffin]

One of my good friends has been TTC#1 for 8 years and I had to tell her today that I was expecting. She asked, and I couldn't lie. (She is a midwife and was helping me to find resources for my HBAC and getting pregnant again.) She is happy for us, but admitted that she is jealous, which I understand. DD's G-d parents have been trying for 3 years as well and I'm worried about telling them. How do I bring it up? I know they'll be happy for us as well, but I don't want them to feel badly. Another couple is starting adoption procedures since they aren't able to conceive at all. It seems there are so many people that are having diffuculty.

I know I should tell these people first (after family?) because I don't want them to hear it from somebody else and have them think I'm avoiding them. Is there anything else I can do?

[KtKuKi]

I agree with telling them up front. My sister had fertility issues for 6 years, and people would stop telling her they were pregnant. She found out one of her husbands cousins was pregnant about a month before she was due, and it really hurt her feelings that no one had mentioned it to her. It WAS hard for her to hear of others pregnancies, but preferred to hear it from them.

Luckily she was in the process of starting IVF when I found out I was pregnant, so she could be genuinely happy for me (although she said since it was me, she'd be happy either way). And now she has twin girls 5 weeks younger than DD and it all worked out.

Best of luck to you, I know it must be difficult letting them know.

And yay for homebirth! I'm planning one too!

[doremi]

One of my best friends struggled with infertility for five years before having her son, and there is no way to keep from having a pregnancy announcement be painful for someone going through infertility. BUT... you make it more bearable the more up front and honest you are with them. Tell them alone, don't spring it on them in a group setting. And then find other people to gush about all the little developments of your pregnancy with instead of them. Yes, they will be happy for you, but that doesn't mean they can be your sounding board/go-to person during the pregnancy. Follow their lead in terms of how much you share with them after the initial announcement. Good luck!

[Ayla]

Fortunately, I'm not in this position as none of my friends have struggled with infertility to that extent (the most was a year, but she's pregnant now.. so moot point). I agree with the others, that it's probably best to share it. I feel people in that spot would be offended and/or hurt if they find out via other means and not from you, you know? I, too, would do it in a private setting and not among a lot of people. There is probably nothing much of anyone can do when someone has been trying that long, though, unfortunately. I assume they will hurt, regardless. But, definitely tell. Good luck, I don't envy the position!

[*SamF*]

I"m still lurking around here so thought I'd chime in. I'm one of the fertility challenged. It is better if it comes from you, one on one. Hearing through the grapevine or being confronted with it in a group is hard. We really do want to know when someone close to us is pregnant, we are truly happy for them, but yes it hurts. But by not telling them directly it makes you feel (at least for me) that you are trying to hide it from them.