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So upset with my mom and with people in general...


Forum: May 2012 Playroom

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  #1  
December 30th, 2011, 07:50 PM
ElizabethS's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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So my husband and I have a large family. I have 3 bio children this will be my 4th, and I also have two stepsons. Ages are 6,5, 3.5, 3, and 18 months. We love our life and our kids and enjoy them. They ARE our life. While I know a large family is not for everyone it is our choice, not to mention we are blended so when we got married we came to the marriage with two kids each!

So anyways my mom just got remarried in August and I HATE her husband. He is a real creep. And he is an alcoholic and my mom is too. Ever since my dad died in 2007 she drinks like a fish. I know not to call her after 6:30pm at night usually as her inhibiitions are lowered and you may hear some things you rather wish you hadn't.

Well tonight I called to see how she is feeling (around 6pm) as she is really sick. She starts going on and on about how I'm a broodmare, and I should stop reproducing. Then I hear her husband say in the background that my uterus is going to fall out of my v-word. Yes. He said that. I ended up hanging up on her.

First off that's just plain rude. And its none of her business! We take care of our children, we don't ask her for help (nor need her help!!), and we are completely at a loss why she feels she has to insert such strong opinions. She asks me like everyday if we have scheduled a tubal or a vasectomy for either of us and when I tell her we are waiting for our tax return so we don't deplete a lot of our savings (its not covered by our insurance), she gets downright nasty!

Not to mention friends and even CUSTOMERS at the bank when hearing how many children I have say "Well I'll bet you are done.." "What are you crazy?" "You must be miserable, you must hate going home!" and "Don't you know what causes that by this time?" And so on and so on. WHY is it that after you have the standard number of kids, people feel they can express and say whatever they want to to you? AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm about to blow a gasket tonight. It's no one's business but ours!
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  #2  
December 30th, 2011, 07:55 PM
*Jillian*'s Avatar Baby #3 on the way
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I don't get the criticism about having a large family. It's obviously something the parents want if they continue to add to their family.

I find people really rude and intrusive especially when it comes to parenting choices. I like to tell them to mind their business or F off.
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  #3  
December 30th, 2011, 07:56 PM
maggzies's Avatar Veteran
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I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this kind of poo.....I swear my family is going crazier than normal too, they're all acting like arses and then trying to say I'm imagining it because I'm "hormonal" right now.
The size of your family is your business...to say you must hate going home is both offensive and ridiculous...do they hate going home to their families? Would they if they had more children? That makes NO sense to me.
Some people want small families, some people want large familes, some people end up with families way larger (or smaller) than they ever thought they would have...that's not anyones concern but them! They don't have to take care of your kids. O_o
I'm sorry you have to deal with these kinds of things, people really have an issue of being able to tell what is their business and isn't anymore, it's like the line has been erased. :/
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  #4  
December 30th, 2011, 08:05 PM
beautyexists72's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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What a nightmare.. I know it's painful - but I would distance myself for a long while.. At least until you are not with child, hon.. I am so sorry!! Sending hugs!
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  #5  
December 30th, 2011, 08:07 PM
Karine119's Avatar SAHM of 3 Drama Queens!
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I know just how you feel. We get it all the time being this is our 4th (DH's 5th) and we don't ask anyone for anything. I don't understand why people feel the need to put their 2 cents in, your family, your business. MY former OB tried from my 2nd on to get me to have a tubal... luckily I switched midway through my last pregnancy
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  #6  
December 30th, 2011, 08:17 PM
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I'm so sorry you are getting all these comments! We get a lot of family members/friends/random people asking if we're done, if we realize the world is over populated, etc and this is just our 3rd. It's ridiculous how many people feel that they can ask those type of questions/make those comments.
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  #7  
December 30th, 2011, 08:19 PM
aka shawna
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wow... i would drop your mother all together. she and her SO, sounds rather absusive. thats not a healthy enviroment. if you want change, its up to you to make it. you can't change how people act, but you can change the way you react. take a stand, and if it goes in one end and out the other, at least you tried and you can move away, to a more positive enviroment.

hang in there mama!
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  #8  
December 30th, 2011, 08:22 PM
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Oh hun, it is only yours and DH decision how big you decide to make your family. SO and I are in about the same boat, we get these looks and comments a lot. This will be my 4th bio child as well, SO has 1 DD, and we have legal custody of my 2 neices and 1 nephew.... so you can imagine the response when we go shopping and then they see my growing belly. Most people think we are totally insane. I however feel that God indeed has a plan and the more I try to toil with it the more He is going to insist on His way, LOL.

I started BC the begining of the year bec I thought I did not ever want more children... I ended up preggo on BC and MC in May. So now I pray a lot that if God led us here He will surely follow through. We enjoy all the kids, sure it can be interesting to say the least, but all in all when the day is done... they are truly a blessing to both of us.

When I get those nosy ppl who try to impose their 2 cents... I just say "it is very interesting at home, not a dull moment!"

Hang in there and stick to your decisions.... don't let anyone get you down... you love your life just how it is!
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  #9  
December 30th, 2011, 08:23 PM
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Wow, that is just awful. Too bad you can't just tell them all to F-off!
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  #10  
December 30th, 2011, 08:31 PM
ElizabethS's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I have already distanced myself quite a bit. But she is still my mom and while I don't go looking for an encounter with her if she calls I hate to not answer. I used to talk to her twice a day, now I'm lucky if I talk to her once a week because I just don't need the stress. The relationship she has with her husband is up and down and all around and full of stress and it was REALLY stressing me out earlier in my pregnancy so I told her I didn't want to hear any of the drama. To keep it to herself. If she truly needed me, she knew she could call me, but I didn't want to hear about him calling my kids f'ing rugrats, and telling her how much he hates me and he thinks I'm stupid etc.

So now we try to keep our conversations pretty cursory...hey how you are you, great, hope you have a great week sort of thing. But when she's been drinking she's a totally different person. Another reason I refuse to touch alcohol, ever. Alcoholism between my bio dad and my mom runs strong in my blood! I for one won't take that chance.
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  #11  
December 30th, 2011, 09:20 PM
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I'm so sorry. As long as your kids are well taken care of it should matter how many you have.
Imget the same from my mom sort of. She insinuates that this should be our last, etc. We plant have at least one more and she can just deal with it =) she lives 600 miles away, so it's not like we're asking her to babysit all the time.
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  #12  
December 31st, 2011, 06:46 AM
imdawn's Avatar Super Mommy
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Glad you have a good place to vent! When dealing with family like this, sometimes just being able to put it all out there can help. I hope it helps you I hope that you find a way to keep your own peace.

Perhaps when random people stick their grubby noses into your life, you could respond with something holier-than-thou such as, "I love and treasure every moment with my kids." I would think that might shut most of them up. Though really I know most of the time it is easier just to shrug it off.
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  #13  
December 31st, 2011, 08:08 AM
lindsey2000k's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Oh I am so sorry. That makes it even harder when those comments are coming from your mom.
I see nothing wrong with how large or small your family is as long as you can support them and give them the things they need.
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  #14  
December 31st, 2011, 08:14 AM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm sorry about your mom, it's really hard to watch family drink themselves into a bad place like that, and then to hear horribly rude comments like that on top of it.

People in general just seem to always have an opinion about kids and pregnancy. I've heard some great ones due to our infertility... though my DH gets the worst of it. "Don't you know how it works? You must be doing it wrong!" I've wanted to punch people a few times. Friends of mine who for their own reasons have stopped after one child get rude comments about that, too.

It's really no ones business if your kids are happy, you're happy, everyone's taken care of. But man, people can be so judgmental.
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  #15  
December 31st, 2011, 08:41 AM
mrs_zipre's Avatar Loving my life!
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People always want to give their unwanted opinion. I am sorry for the random comments from strangers and even more sorry for the rude comment from your mom. Let it roll off your back as much as you can and know that you are doing what is best for your family.
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  #16  
December 31st, 2011, 08:50 AM
.:fearless:.'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Wow. I am SO sorry. The thing is, even if SAY anything it would be "your fault". That is the alcohol, as you are aware.
I, also, have a big family. This will be my 4th, and mike's 5th. Yup, that is making 8 kids together. We get it all the time "you know what causes that" I reply...YUP! Sure do and it was fun!!! Or, this is your last right...why, would you like to be there for the making of the next?? I would seriously come back with smart comments like that...it shuts em up, and QUICK.
As for your mom, gosh. There is NO answer for that one. She, as you know, has a disease. I am so sorry you have to go thru this.
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  #17  
December 31st, 2011, 12:20 PM
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Sure large families are not for everyone, but for some reason these people feel that they can impose their opinions or MISERY on you and families like you. I don't get it either. Sometimes I think people want you to agree with them, so they can hear that you're miserable. As far as your mother. If she angers you and you believe she is not in a normal state or even if she is, you have to set her straight, unless you already have. Just because they are our mothers and we love them, they are not always right or kind. I would tell her if she's interested in keeping a good relationship with you and her grand kids, than this will be the last you here of such nonsense. And to tell her husband to shut it, because that will affect the relationship as well. I have a mother in law with a big mouth and I had to set her straight and she barely says anything asinine to my face anymore...she just tells my husband. I'm so freaking sick of her bullsh-t.

And one more thing...when people say things to me that I think are quite ballsy, than it just makes me believe that they need attention and/or are not all there.

One more point...people always believe they are smarter than anyone else. We all know that's a vice. If people have the balls to tell you how they feel, then get bigger balls and tell them to be concerned with themselves.
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Last edited by PIP; December 31st, 2011 at 12:23 PM.
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