[Twhylite21]

I've mentioned before that my mom and stepdad live with us. They travel for tennis (they officiate tournaments as their retirement career) about 75% of the year, so they're not home a ton. But when they're gone, we watch their dog, etc.

Anyway, I've never left either girl alone overnight. I've been away from my oldest for only 8 hours total and she's 3.5! And Vi, my youngest, I've been away from for maybe 6 hours total. It's kinda pathetic, I know. So, the birth is probably going to be the first time I'm away from them overnight and I've been really anxious about it. DH and my 5 year wedding anniversary is in February and we floated the idea of going to dinner and then staying at a hotel somewhere, leaving the girls at home with my parents overnight. Just to see how it goes because chances are it will be my parents home (they're home for a month around the time baby is due) when I go into labor.

Well, my mom basically said no. She said "they're going to be fine, you worry too much, blah blah. there's nothing you can do anyway if they do get upset, etc". I just wanted to cry and I'm not a person that cries at all. I just feel like I'd be so much less anxious about the whole thing if I knew they had survived spending the night without me prior to the birth. I know it's probably stupid, because obviously they have to get through it, etc. But I just think it'd be comforting to know that they did it once before. And it pisses me off that my mom is like this. I means she's a good grandmother for the most part, but really how hard would it be to watch them overnight in our own house? Yes, Vi flips out at night still if anyone besides me puts her to bed, but that's the whole point - I need help getting her adjusted so I'm not panicking while trying to pop out this baby.

Sorry so long...just needed to rant to somebody.

[.:fearless:.]

Gosh Shelley! I am so sorry! That is kinda rude. I mean they will be home anyhow, so what is the big deal? I think you should try approaching her again, and maybe shed some tears and let her see how badly this is bothering and upsetting you. Hopefully this will make her see what this means to you.

[rmarie9509]

maybe she will go for the angle of getting away for romance before baby and you will know for yourself that it's comforting you?

[JsBaby]

I agree. I'd revisit the idea with her again in a couple weeks. And ya, take a different approach. Saying it's your little Anniversary getaway, babymoon. I think you will def feel better about leaving them when you go to the hospital if you can spend a night without them beforehand.

[alilangel7]

Wow! That just stinks! I agree with the others and talk to her about it again. Or maybe even talk to your stepdad? Maybe he would be more receptive to it?

[KaiyaRae'sMomma]

I'm sorry she is being like that. I don't see why she wouldn't do it one night for you guys, that seems like a normal and reasonable thing to do to prepare them. I think she is the one being irrational!!

[melissalaw]

I am so sorry your mother is being like that. I completely understand what you are going through. I have never spent a night away from Jackson either. We have been planning on having my husband's mother come spend a night with him before baby gets here just to help him with being away from mommy and daddy overnight. I don't think your being unreasonable at all wanting to have a dry run before baby. You will need to be focused on baby and not on your other two children. Hopefully your mother will change her mind and like Becky said, I might tell her that you and DH just want a babymoon before baby.

[PIP]

Revisit it and ask her why she said no. I'd be furious. That's what I don't understand when I read post or stories when parents won't help. My mom never tells me no, I don't ask for unreasonable things either, but she never says no and she lives an hour from me.

And it's not stupid at all to feel the way you do. I would of to. My son has already slept overnight without me or us. My mom has watched him several times for one night and she's still nervous about it when I stay in the hospital for baby. I have never been away from my son more than 24 hrs. I can't go on vacation because I'll miss him too much. I wish I could be different, but I can't. So you have every right to feel the way you do.

[Mahalo]

Ugh - I'm really sorry, that's rough. It's hard when it seems like you're alone in dealing with stuff. I'm sure it would be 100% easier if your mom would just do it but is there any chance anyone else may be willing to watch them for a night for you?

[Sarah7181]

Quite honestly, huun, I don't understand your moms problem with allowing you one night away...for whatever reason! I've never been out overnight unless it was a hospital stay either, but in the 4 years you've been a mom...I think you've earned it! And she lives there. Yeesh! Hugs! I'm angry for you. Maybe another avenue that could help then tho.... have her start taking a role in putting vi down. Maybe not every night, but maybe two nights a week? So that shell be used to that then. You can do everything up to the laying her down part. Just have your mom tuck her in. Would she be more receptive to that?
And now I'm prying, lol so you can ignore this question... I thought ud had a home birth with vi? How come the hossy birth this time? And I'm all for hossy births, I'm just curious is all.

[chicknlittle]

i'm in a similar pickle. have never left my 5 year old overnight ever! and i can't see myself doing so in the near future. will be determined to have baby during the day, and hubby can go home afterwards. if theres a will, theres a way!

but honestly, i hope your mama comes around. is there no one else you trust with your babies? my plan b is my sister.. cause she's fun and my kid will feel like its more like a slumber party which will make me sleep better at night. i refuse to let her sleep at anyones house but my own, cause i know she's safe at ours.

[Raven_Haired_Mama]

I totally understand your feelings. My 7 year old doesn't even spend the night away from me yet. And with having a repeat c section I will be gone a few days Hopefully she will come around.

[Sa712]

My daughter spends the night out a few times a year. I am very comfortable with it & so is she. I think that your mother is being very unsupportive to say the least in not allowing you and your husband some time away to connect with each other in addition to time away to get the girls comfortable with the upcoming hospital stay.

[Twhylite21]

Thanks ladies, I'm glad I'm not crazy for thinking she's being unsupportive. I might try again in a week or so to bring it up, but I already know she won't care about a romantic getaway for DH/me, etc. She could care less about things like that (my poor stepdad!).

Originally Posted by Sarah7181

And now I'm prying, lol so you can ignore this question... I thought ud had a home birth with vi? How come the hossy birth this time? And I'm all for hossy births, I'm just curious is all.

Not prying at all! Short version is that there were some complications with Vi's birth and I was literally seconds from an emergency transfer. Based on that and the possibility (very slight, but still there) of the same type of positioning happening again, DH is more comfortable with a hospital birth this time. I had a NCB at the same hospital with Lily, so I'm pretty okay with it. If this birth goes fine, then we may do a home birth for the next one again. There's just anxiety from both of us about Vi's birth happening all over again - and yes, she was totally fine and so was I, but it was very close to being very bad and even my midwives from her birth said a hospital birth is probably a better move this time.

[*MJ*]

Oh, that stinks! I would be miffed too. I don't like getting any sort of grief while pregnant. Or any other time for that matter.

[*SamF*]

I hope she comes around for you. It sucks that she's being so unsupportive. It's not just about them it's about you feeling calmer being away from them.

[imdawn]

Sorry she isn't being more supportive! No matter what she thinks, it would be nice if she would just "humor you." By the way, I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I think it is a great idea to have a trial run. Also, having a new baby around will be hard enough on them. It could only make it easier for it not to be the very first time they are away from you. Bummer

[lunarmagic]

That sucks, I'm sorry. I do think that's kind of rude and unsupportive of her. It's about what makes YOU comfortable, too. Yeah, the kids will survive you being away... but that doesn't mean you're not going to worry and want to do everything you can to make it easier for them. One test-night is not asking that much. It would help YOU feel better.

I would definitely talk to her again, like the other girls said, pitching the angle of you and hubby getting a night away, and how it would help *you* feel more calm about this birth.

[Devan'sMama]

I'm sorry that you're dealing with this I wish I had some advice for you but I just don't. I haven't been away from my son since he was born for more than 4 hours and I just can't bring myself to leaving him yet either. Hugs.

[mamaleddie]

Girl, I know everyone's relationship with their mother is different, but if it were mine I woulda had a little fit! You guys LIVE together, sheesh! I dunno, my kids starting staying overnight with grandparents soon after they turned one, and my folks wouldn't have had it any other way..I feel lucky! I think parents really NEED romantic getaways, espcially with multiple children in the house. Try her again, I hope she does it JUST BECAUSE!