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Sad about breastfeeding.....Vent


Forum: May 2012 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By Lisa H

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  #1  
June 28th, 2012, 07:16 PM
~Always~Hoping~'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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UGH...what a journey breastfeeding as been so far! I appologize for the vent but I know you ladies will understand! In the hospital Jackson did great with breastfeeding, he latched on pretty much in the recovery room! However his weight started to drop and continued to and the doctors go so concerned they made us wake him to feed him every 2 hours and would basically shove my boob in his mouth. We both just got so frustrated and cried! I began pumping in the hospital and would supplement with a dropper. Our last night there Jackson basically refused to take my breast which was so heartbreaking and I just cried and cried as the nurse gave him a half ounce of formula.

Fastforward to now, I began using a nipple shield and he latched on right away. However he continued to drop weight so I began pumping and also sumplementing with formula. I gave up on trying to breast feed because he would just scream and scream! I continued to pump and supplement with formula as I discovered I have low supply, of course I do, on top of his awful latch lets throw in low supply! So I faithfully pump every 2-3 hours even setting my alarm at night to do it. I would say right now he gets 50-50 my milk and formula. I am so sad that I can't just give him breast milk! Let me say that I have nothing against formula and will do what my baby needs its just breastfeeding is so important to me and I can't get past that my body failed! It still chokes me up thinking about it! The great news is that just this week I decided to try breastfeeding again, no shield just to see. Jackson totally latched on like a pro, no screaming no pullling on and off, no pain! So I have been nursing him once at night as part of our "bedtime" routine. I love it and am so happy!!

I guess I just needed to get that down, it took a lot for me to admit that, I don't know why, it's not my fault and I just feel so guilty that I can't 100% give him my milk. I will continue to nurse and pump for him so that he can always have at least some of my milk as long as I can.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far!!
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Last edited by ~Always~Hoping~; June 28th, 2012 at 07:18 PM. Reason: Awful spelling, LOL
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  #2  
June 28th, 2012, 10:44 PM
rmarie9509's Avatar Liam's Mommy
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I'm sorry you've had a tough time. Liam had a nursing strike for one night and I was a mess so I can only imagine how you've felt.

Since you say yourself that BFing is really important to you I would encourage you not to give up yet. It's a great sign that he is latching well and BFing once a day and it's not too late to go back to EBF if thats something you want to do. You should see if you have a Leche League meeting near you, you can check at LLLI.org. And you can always check out their book the womanly art of breastfeeding, it's helped me so many times already.

I think it's great that you are doing your best for Jackson and still giving him as much of your milk as possible. Don't give up mamma! I know its hard but you are doing just great.

PS out of curiosity how much do you get when you pump?
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  #3  
June 29th, 2012, 05:47 AM
melissalaw's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm sorry that your having a hard time. have you talked to your dr about things you can do to increase your supply. I know oatmeal helps so I've been eating lots of oatmeal. There is also milk thistle and fenugreek (or I think that's what it's called) that are suppose to help your milk supply. I would also try to either nurse him more or pump more which should help increase your supply.
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  #4  
June 29th, 2012, 08:17 AM
~Always~Hoping~'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks ladies! I should add that I do eat oatmeal eveyday and am on supplements from my LC. When I pump I only get about 2 ounces total. I have tried a bunch of "tricks" to increase my supply like power pumping, longer pumping breaks, shorter pumping breaks, etc. My doc seems to think my low supply is due to my PCOS. I guess its common. I haven't tried nursing more yet only because he is just ok with it this week so I want to add in nursing sessions slowly.
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  #5  
June 29th, 2012, 09:02 AM
Lisa H's Avatar Super Mommy
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I'm sorry you are having so much trouble with this.

If you are doing everything you can to make sure your little man is fully nourished then you didn't fail. Failing would be continuing to EBF while your little guy slowly starves. It is good that you are still trying and definitely don't give up on it yet but be assured that using formula was and is the best thing for your situation right now.

I know that you know in your head that what you are doing is best but that your heart is telling you differently. Keep trying and if he continues to take it, that's great but if he decides that he doesn't want it then you are still doing what's best for him by keeping him properly fed.
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  #6  
June 29th, 2012, 09:38 AM
rmarie9509's Avatar Liam's Mommy
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To add nursing sessions gently, try nursing him in a warm bath, being in water hslway up the back/belly triggers their sucking instinct and the skin to skin contact reinforces it.
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  #7  
June 29th, 2012, 10:40 AM
imdawn's Avatar Super Mommy
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It sounds like you are a great Momma! You are doing everything you can to give your little man the best nutrition possible. Whether BF works out or not, you've clearly given it your all. You can't feel guilty for that! That being said, I really do hope it works out for you. Good luck!
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  #8  
June 29th, 2012, 01:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imdawn View Post
It sounds like you are a great Momma! You are doing everything you can to give your little man the best nutrition possible. Whether BF works out or not, you've clearly given it your all. You can't feel guilty for that! That being said, I really do hope it works out for you. Good luck!
I agree with Dawn. You are doing great. It sounds like you are doing everything you can, and even a little bit of breastmilk is great for him to get.
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  #9  
July 1st, 2012, 08:05 PM
~Always~Hoping~'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks so much for the support ladies! I do know in my head that I have to do whats best for Jackson, I guess I just wanted to EBF so badly it just breaks my heart! As long as he is healthy, thats what I care about most!
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