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  #1  
July 15th, 2015, 02:43 PM
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05.24.2011


Our TTC Journey | Pregnancy Journals: Nugget (or here) and Baxter (or here)

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  #2  
July 15th, 2015, 03:09 PM
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6w0dI can't believe I'm here. Again. It was such a long shot the first time around, and even a longer shot for #2. But yet, here we are.


Many of you know our story, but for those that don't, a brief synopsis.


Me and DH are both 40 years old. We got married in 2007, and started TTC in 2008. We tried naturally (with all the bells and whistles) for a while before realizing we were struggling and sought out the advice of our OB. Tried a bit more, then on Nov 11, 2011 had a consult with a RE. After some testing and lab work, we learned that our chances of conceiving naturally were exceptionally low -- less than 0.5%. My egg quality was exceedingly poor. I was diagnosed with DOR (diminished ovarian reserve) and POF (premature ovarian failure). We started treatment, and our first cycle failed, having not responded to the medication properly. Our second cycle was rigorous, and with a fresh transfer of 2 embryos (and 2 frozen!), we conceived Baxter. He was born healthy on Jan 22, 2013. Nothing short of a miracle.


He is now a thriving 2.5 year old. When he was 18 months, I weaned him from breastfeeding (hardest thing I've ever done), and started medications again to try for #2. Our RE gave us an even slimmer chance of any protocol working (less than 0.1%), but was willing to try, as long as there was no harm to my health.


We had a hard time. I was 3 years older than I was with B, and my body just wasn't responding to the stimulation medications. We tried every protocol imaginable, different combinations of medications. There was a time I was doing 4-6 injections a day, plus other medications. They did not treat my body kindly. I have been on a roller coaster of hormones for the past 10 months. When all protocols were failing, and we weren't even able to make it to egg retrieval, we decided to try with our 2 frozen embryos.


On transfer day, after completing a mock cycle and ERA testing to determine the most receptive time to transfer, we thawed both embryos. One didn't make it through the thaw, but the other did. We transferred one embryo. Negative. We were crushed.


We thought long and hard about our next steps. We had a team meeting with our RE, nurses, and us (and let's not forget finance...we are paying for this all 100% out of pocket, and I don't even want to add up what 8 cycles plus meds cost -- at about $10-15k per cycle plus $3600-$5000 in meds per cycle). We were presented with one last ditch protocol. It was one that was rarely used, and only used in, basically, the most hopeless of cases. It was using hGH (human growth hormone) and testosterone to help try and improve egg quality. It was a lengthy and ugly cycle. The medications were no picnic, and i was a wreck during most of it.


Lo and behold, when we got to the time for egg retrieval, we were all thrilled and surprised to find 4 follicles. Many women undergoing IVF have between 9-17 follicles. We thought 4 was a small victory. We set the retrieval date, and prayed. We had been close before, only to have my follicles deflate by retrieval day.


Retrieval day arrived, and they were able to extract 2 eggs!! Two had collapsed, but 2 were still there. We were thrilled. Another hurdle! Now for them to fertilize. DH gave his sample, and the embryologist did her magic. Using ICSI, she inserted hand-selected sperm into each egg. Both fertilized! Then we waited.


We waited until Day 3. On that day, we learned that both embryos were growing. Fingers crossed! Day 5, transfer day. We made it! One embryo stopped growing on Day 4, but the other was going strong. It was in the morula phase (not yet blastocyst but very close). The doctor and embryologist said it looked perfect and both had no doubt it would continue to the blast stage. We transferred that one embryo. That was June 22, 2015.


The wait began. The longest days. I tracked all my IPS (imaginary pregnancy symptoms) and waited. On July 1, 2015, I went for my first beta. However, since DH was not able to be with me when the results would come in, we decided to take a HPT that morning before work. We both cried when that 2nd pink line was there. No doubt. We were pregnant.


When the beta results were in, the entire nursing staff called me on speaker phone. Many of them have become friends, and they were all so invested in our journey. "You're PREGNANT!" they screamed. My first beta was 213.


I was scheduled to have a repeat beta 2 days later on July 3. We were traveling and all labs were closed for the July 4 holiday. I had to wait until Monday July 6 for a repeat beta. We got the results the next morning.


My doctor herself called me. My heart sank. She never ever called. It was early in the morning, before the office was open. She said, "I don't believe this. Your numbers are perfect 2623.". I was in shock. She saw the results sitting there when she got in and nobody else was in and she couldn't wait to call me. Our doubling time was 33 hours. Everything was on track.


FF to today. Today was our first ultrasound at 6w. We immediately saw the heartbeat. My RE said, "there's your pumpkin, and look at that heartbeat". Another hurdle. She kept saying over and over how she couldn't believe we were here. Two miracles.


We still have a long road ahead. Because of my diagnosis, i only have a 25% chance of having a normal egg/embryo. At 9w, we will do cfDNA testing to determine if the embryo is euploid. It will test for the common trisomies and SB. We will also be able to learn gender, if we so choose.


We are here, and that in itself is miracle enough. But we still have one more hurdle to leap. Once we get our 9w test results (which take 1 week), I will feel far more confident. But I wanted to get this written while it was fresh in my head.


Keep praying friends.
-k
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05.24.2011


Our TTC Journey | Pregnancy Journals: Nugget (or here) and Baxter (or here)
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  #3  
July 18th, 2015, 09:14 AM
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6w3dNothing spectacular to report. Just plugging along...had DH's company picnic yesterday, so that was fun trying to hide things. A lot of people know we have been doing IVF for a while, and while I don't have a huge bump, i'm showing for sure. It's not "real", it's mostly bloat and leftover swelling from the meds, but it's there.


Symptom-wise, I'm tired a lot. Mostly in the afternoons. I wake up starving. Occasional bouts of queasiness, but other than that, pretty normal/good.
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05.24.2011


Our TTC Journey | Pregnancy Journals: Nugget (or here) and Baxter (or here)
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  #4  
July 19th, 2015, 11:19 AM
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6w4dI've learned quickly that I need to keep my belly full at all times. This started last night. We went out to dinner with a friend, and I napped through lunch. My belly was empty. Waiting for our table, i felt really sick, queasy, and started getting hot flashes and dizzy. I sat down, had club soda, which always helps, and as soon as I started eating, I was immediately better.


Same thing at breakfast this morning.


Time to start snacking all day!
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05.24.2011


Our TTC Journey | Pregnancy Journals: Nugget (or here) and Baxter (or here)
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  #5  
July 28th, 2015, 08:55 PM
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7w6d
I am so bad at journaling this time around. I know I was so happy to have written down all my thoughts and feelings with my pregnancy with Baxter, but I have done a piss poor job thus far. Honestly, if you want to know my real thoughts, it's because I still don't believe this is really happening. I'm going through the motions, doing all the right things, but it's like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.


Tomorrow is my 8w scan. I will be going alone, because DH is out of town. I truly am never alone there though. So many friends. And once they see that DH isn't with me, someone that loves me will come in the room with me to hold my hand. Her name is Millie and she's a godsend. She has been with me since day 1 of all this, back in 2011. I love her with all my heart.


But anyhow, I know in my heart of hearts that everything will be perfect tomorrow. But there is always that feeling that it won't be. When we got pregnant naturally many years ago, it was at the 8w u/s that we found baby had stopped growing at 7wXd. So this is always a hard time for me. Knowing that we have already seen a strong heartbeat, though, gives me a lot of hope. But you never know.


And that's not be being pessimistic, that's me being realistic. Even my RE at the 6 week appointment told me not to get too attached. We still have so many hurdles. Tomorrow, the 8w scan. At 9w, the cfDNA test. At 10w, the results of that test and another scan. 10w will be the most telling appointment of them all.


At that appointment, we will have the results back from our cfDNA test. This is basically an earlier version of Harmony, Sequenom, Verifi. It will tell us if the embryo we transferred was chromosomally normal. It will be at that point which we will learn whether we have any chance of carrying this baby to term.


But we need to get past tomorrows hurdle first.


Symptoms: I'm feeling reasonably normal the past few days. Still tired, but not quite as queasy. I've been used to keeping my belly full at all times to combat the queasy feeling, but now I think my belly doesn't need to be that full and it's feeling yucky because i'm overeating. Bleh. I've been trying to go to bed with B at around 9pm, so i'm getting a decent nights sleep at least. That's really it though. Bloated, but that's nothing new.


Off to bed.
x
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05.24.2011


Our TTC Journey | Pregnancy Journals: Nugget (or here) and Baxter (or here)
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  #6  
July 29th, 2015, 08:47 AM
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I now have your journal bookmarked, so i will be stalking you regularly!
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  #7  
July 29th, 2015, 08:48 AM
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LOL Megan. It won't be as active as my past journal, but I'm going to try!

PS. Look at our siggies! Hahah, babies!!
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05.24.2011


Our TTC Journey | Pregnancy Journals: Nugget (or here) and Baxter (or here)
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  #8  
July 29th, 2015, 09:33 AM
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I know!!! It caused a mini cry fest over here.
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  #9  
July 29th, 2015, 04:02 PM
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8w0d
Scan today was perfect. I was nervous as heck waiting. My RE knew that and didn't waste any time once she walked in the room. She started making chit chat, asked how I was, and when I told her nervous, she said "ah ok, so shut up and stick the wand in then". haha. She's funny. She very quickly verified the heartbeat, and then took measurements.


Little one is measuring 8w3d roughly (8w1d +/- 3d), and everything looks perfect. One more hurdle down, one HUGE one to go....
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05.24.2011


Our TTC Journey | Pregnancy Journals: Nugget (or here) and Baxter (or here)
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  #10  
July 29th, 2015, 08:01 PM
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Someone actually had to tell me you were pregnant because I'm still in vacation mode and totally off in lala land.

OMG!!!! I have been watching your weekly dinner photos for months, I knew when the beer stopped that meant something.. and you either stopped posting entirely, or I missed it because I was away.


Holy freaking cow!!!!!! I am so excited for you
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  #11  
July 29th, 2015, 09:56 PM
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Hahaha yeah I knew eventually someone would catch on to the lack of #beerbeermilk and #beerwinemilk pics! They still exist, but are more like #beerclubsodamilk pics now. And if I start actually posting those, that's as good as announcing. 😛

Thank you . We are excited but very cautious still!
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05.24.2011


Our TTC Journey | Pregnancy Journals: Nugget (or here) and Baxter (or here)
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  #12  
August 1st, 2015, 01:31 PM
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8w3d
Nothing terribly exciting to report. I'm tired, and get super winded walking up just one flight of stairs. That's my biggest symptom right now.
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05.24.2011


Our TTC Journey | Pregnancy Journals: Nugget (or here) and Baxter (or here)
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  #13  
August 2nd, 2015, 01:10 PM
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Symptoms are still good signs, no matter how odd they may be

Do you have a date set for your cfDNA test?
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  #14  
August 3rd, 2015, 04:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plan4fate View Post
Symptoms are still good signs, no matter how odd they may be

Do you have a date set for your cfDNA test?
Yep, it's this Wed (9w0d) :O Results should be back in about 7 days. Right at my 10w0d appointment, which, if all goes well, would be our "graduation" from the RE. Terrified.


8w5d

TIRED. Spent the morning at the zoo with 2 of B's playroom gals. One lives here, and we've met several times, and the other drove in for a long weekend, so we all decided to meet up. It was a fabulous time, but MAN am I wiped. Looks like early bed for me tonight!


Symptoms are coming and going. Depends on the day, time of day, and my activity level. I am having a really hard time finding the right balance between eating too little, eating too much, blah. I'm not horribly sick, but my tummy is often in turmoil. What works? Ice cream, go figure. From the formerly lactose intolerant person. From the one who still has a mild dairy intolerance. I don't get it, but it works. Vanilla malts are winning. So is tart frozen yogurt. My kiddo is LUCKY right now. He's reaping the benefits of mom's cravings. The chocolate craving that I had with B is also back. Not even good chocolate. Just junk food, gas station candy bar, chocolate. Whatever. It helps, so I go with it. I eat pretty darn healthy otherwise, so I'm not fighting it.


This week, as mentioned above, is my 9w appointment. No scan, no doctor visit, just a blood test. This is my cfDNA (NIPT) test to check for chromosome abnormality. We only have a 25% chance of this being euploid, so we are still hanging onto that hope, but at the same time, trying not to get attached until we know one way or the other. The next 10 days are going to be very hard. And I pray, pray, pray, that after the results come in, it will be smooth sailing from there on out...
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05.24.2011


Our TTC Journey | Pregnancy Journals: Nugget (or here) and Baxter (or here)
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  #15  
August 5th, 2015, 08:55 AM
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9w0d
Each week that passes, another milestone!


Had our cfDNA/NIPT/Panorama test this morning. Results expected within the week, but at the latest, at our 10w0d appointment next Wednesday. We have only a 25% chance of good news from this test, so we need all the prayers we can get. We may have tough choices ahead.


In better news, I think more "real" m/s has kicked in. Yesterday and today, I have felt considerably worse than I have been. The queasiness has turned to more nausea. I'm still trying to find a good balance of how much/how little/right amount/what to eat. I'm still eating, so that's a good start.


<3
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05.24.2011


Our TTC Journey | Pregnancy Journals: Nugget (or here) and Baxter (or here)
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  #16  
August 11th, 2015, 12:45 PM
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9w6d
Whew. It's been a day. Last night, I started spotting, brown. Very light, no cramping, no red. It sorta went away overnight (had to get up a few times to pee), but back this morning. Needless to say, I was terrified. I called the nurses first thing this morning, and asked if I should come in, or wait until my appointment tomorrow. She told me to do what would make my heart feel better. I went in.


I could hardly sleep last night....couldn't eat this morning. Too nervous. My heart told me things were fine, I even dreamt that things were fine. But my head told me to be concerned. I'm high risk as it is, and we tried so long and hard to get this far.


I got right in this morning. Everyone was asking how I was doing, and everyone knew why I was there a day early. When the doc came in, she made no bones about getting a look very quickly. She very quickly said "Well, the little pumpkin is moving around so there has to be a heartbeat in there!". And sure enough, there was. And measurements showed that baby was right on point for today. She did see an area of vascular concern, though nothing wrong with baby. She sent me to the nurse to get my discharge papers, since today was graduation day.


When I was meeting with the nurse, she had a change of heart, and decided that she wanted the other RE in the practice to take a look, just for a second set of eyes. She took a LONG look, and also confirmed everything with baby looked normal. She also saw the area of vascular concern. They were really looking for SCH, but none to be found. The area they found may have caused the bleeding, but shouldn't cause any issues until closer to delivery.


She sent me back to the nurse, with lots of hugs from both doctors. I got all my papers and scan photos, and was on my way. We are still waiting for the lab results from our cfDNA/Panorama/NIPT test, and those are expected this week. Once we get those, we will feel LOADS better. We still aren't out of the woods.


I wasn't mentally prepared to say my goodbyes today. This was supposed to happen tomorrow at my 10w appointment, when DH was going to go with me. But alas, it was today. I made the rounds, hugs were given freely, and a few tears shed. I will be both thrilled to never step foot in there again (as a patient), but very sad to not see people that have truly become friends every week.


Now for those dang lab results...
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05.24.2011


Our TTC Journey | Pregnancy Journals: Nugget (or here) and Baxter (or here)
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  #17  
August 11th, 2015, 08:59 PM
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*hugs* I'm sorry about the scares and the feeling of unknown. Hopefully those labs come back tomorrow so you can find out for sure whether you're looking at a perfectly healthy baby, or maybe one with a challenge or two.
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  #18  
August 13th, 2015, 10:17 AM
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I will take a challenge any day, A. It's the "not compatible with life" that scares the piss outta me.

And I'm going to lose my MIND if these labs don't come back soon.


10w1D
I took my last progesterone and estrogen last night. I am so happy! There is nothing grosser than sticking 2 pills up your hoo-ha 2x a day forever. Time to go panty shopping! All my others are trashed....sorry for the TMI.


I am still waiting on these dang results. We knew yesterday was on the early side of expecting them, but we are hoping today. Tomorrow for sure, they say. "They say". We shall see.


Went to a concert last night - totally random date night. A friend from back home, her nephew is an up and coming country star who plays at the Opry often. He is on tour and came to San Diego last night, so we got a sitter and went to see the show. It was excellent, and a really nice distraction


Waiting, waiting...
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05.24.2011


Our TTC Journey | Pregnancy Journals: Nugget (or here) and Baxter (or here)
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  #19  
August 13th, 2015, 01:50 PM
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I don't like to assume anyone, not even those doing MA and spending big bucks, are going to continue with a child facing challenges... so I try and choose my words carefully.

Incompatible with life sucks. My boys, and a half sister (different mom) all had Tris 8 complete.


There's got to be some plus that you made it far enough to have the tests even done! FX crossed the results come in later today and you get them before bed!!
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  #20  
August 16th, 2015, 01:10 PM
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10w4d
Test results came in this morning. My RE called us right away. Low risk for everything. Looks like B is going to be a big brother in March <3
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Our TTC Journey | Pregnancy Journals: Nugget (or here) and Baxter (or here)
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