[kcmommy2be]

I swear, some days I feel like I'm losing it. I should be happy... VERY happy I'm like less than a week from meeting my baby, and yet I'm so nervous/anxious/stressed about, well everything. The C-Section makes me nervous cuz I've never had surgury and I know the pain level is gonna be up there (that is to be expected), Now I'm nervous because I was hoping to have a nice relaxing weekend, but instead am gonna have to spend at least 2-3 hours of my Saturday afternoon in L&D with another NST & U/S. I'm nervous about this because I feel like if something is "wrong" then they need to just go ahead and take her, and the NST came back good today, they were very happy with everything it's my fluid levels that are down again... So, I get to try to drink 150 oz or more in 48 hours before the U/S to try to bring my levels up. I'm frankly a little bit "done" with all this drinking lol. I know Kira needs it, and I feel bad for feeling so, I guess defiant is the word I'm looking for... but I can manage to get down about 40 oz a day or so and that is sipping all throughout the day... if I start chugging it there just isn't the room for it in my stomach and Ugh... I am attempting to give it my best shot, but I also think to myself she was breathing so perfectly on the u/s and the tech was super impressed with that, the tech even said she really wouldn't worry to much about the low fluid because in a week they are taking her anyway... I just feel like they are trying to either prolong the inevitable (taking her earlier than scheduled) or being super cautious which don't get me wrong I like, but it's making me more stressed and paranoid than I even think its worth.

To top all of this off, I have been dealing with the fact that my mother is in a semi-dangerous position where she is living. I say semi-dangerous because I don't know if it is true that it is actually "dangerous" or not. My step-brother messaged me on facebook again on Sunday saying that when she comes on Monday to "help" she is gonna just stay with us because it isn't safe for her to be there anymore. I was told NOT to try to call or contact her because when I do it makes matters worse (My step-dad is very upset with me because since he has already pulled this stunt in end of March early April I decided that until I see a change from him, he is not to have anything to do with Kira). They have had problems for years and years so all this is just icing on the cake. I messaged my step-brother Monday to see how things were going and was told that he went and spoke with their pastor at their church and that the pastor thinks the he and I need to work this out and my step-dad needs to make things right with me for my mom's sake. I really love my mom, I can't stand the fact that she is in even a remotely "bad" position, and I'm all for her moving with us for right now & we'll figure the rest out later. I just can't stand her husband... I have tried & tried & tried to be good and nice... he constantly talks evil about my mom to me when she wasn't present and even expected me to take his side over hers... he and I have had our problems in the past and I just can't put MY daughter through what I have been through with that man. I'm soooo stressed right now I just want to cry but I am afraid if I do I won't be able to stop.

Thanks everyone who made it this far for letting me vent you all are awesome

[mrsshaffer]

I'm so sorry. I hope things go well with your NST on Saturday... Try to to stress about your c-section. You get to meet Kira so soon!!!

I am also sorry about things with your mom and step-dad. I wish I had some advice. I'll be thinking of you and hoping that things work out for the best.

[kcmommy2be]

Originally Posted by mrsshaffer

I'm so sorry. I hope things go well with your NST on Saturday... Try to to stress about your c-section. You get to meet Kira so soon!!!

I am also sorry about things with your mom and step-dad. I wish I had some advice. I'll be thinking of you and hoping that things work out for the best.

Thanks Sweetie!!!Supriingly with all the added stress my BP is still really good and I'm not stressing about the C-Section a much right now... lol I'm trying to hang in here the best I can I talked to DF after I posted on here and he always makes me feel better. I know o matter what happens my little family will get through it, I'm just not good at seeing the people I care about in bad positions... itbothers me

[omg.luckynumber7]

aww that would be a really tough position to be re your mom. i hope everything works out with her. is your step bro saying it's more dangerous for her there now cause he (step dad's) mad @ you? leaving is the most dangerous time if it's a domestic violence type situation....how long will she be with you? can you set her up to see a counsellor while she's with you?

as for the csection....it will be ok. look on the positive side, at least you have time to prepare for it. the only thing that helps me get more water down, is setting a timer & drinking 1/2 or a whole glass at once. i'm not a good sipper lol.

GL with everything, It will all work out in the end....& the end is close, yay!

[kcmommy2be]

Pretty much my mom was in a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship for quite a while... they go to church and the pastor at their church obviously doesn't realize the whole story going on. When my mom moved out in the end of March my step-dad tried to commit suicide (pill OD) and so my mom felt guilty because his kids said it was her fault for leaving... she went back (against my wishes, but hey she's an adult and will make her own decisions) to try to work things out, and I told her if he could prove he could change and curb the mental emotional and DEFINATELY the physical abuse I would consider letting him see Kira... but I needed time for him to prove that he could change... and obviously he isn't going to.

She is suppose to come Monday and stay for 2 weeks... I still haven't heard it from her that she is leaving him & when I talked to her today she sounded like things were fine and like they were getting along. Their pastor thinks that I should try harder to forgive and move on, I'm all about forgiving and I understand the man needs help but doesn't WANT help so I forgive him for all he has done to ME, but I can't let MY daughter be put in any kind of a compromising position. To make matters worse my step-brother is a jerk... he says my mom is his mom and he cares about her and blah blah blah... however, he told me that he wasn't going to leave her alone with the man and today when I called they were talking in the background and he was all like "is it ok for me to leave or is she in labor" He lies soooo much and I can never tell if things are really as bad as he is saying or if he is making stuff up... He left my mom alone with a man whom he supposedly "Promised" me he wasn't going to leave her alone with him until she came to stay here and so now I'm not even sure if he is just making up stories to start drama or what... Soooo frustrating dealing with immature people UGH!!!