Log In Sign Up

UGH! :( Don't know what else to do.


Forum: July, August & September 2012 Playroom

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To July, August & September 2012 Playroom LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
December 12th, 2011, 01:51 PM
Jennifer-Jacob's Mommy's Avatar Mega Momma
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Newfoundland
Posts: 1,343
Send a message via MSN to Jennifer-Jacob's Mommy
UGHH.. I am so attled right now and stressed and I don't know what else to do. Im so mad and shaked up im shaking right now and can honestly call the police to have my stepdaughter removed from this house. She lives with us permantely. Ever since she went to this new school she has taken a total 180 in her behavior. I don't know what else to do. She is a liar. she is vengeful if she doesn't get her own way. I am scared ****less im going to have child protection at my door to take her and jacob ( im not really worried about him taking her but jacob I am) . Let me explain in March 2011, she has to wear diapers to bed cause she bedwets and i dont think its to much to ask for her to pick them up and put them in the garbage right?? anyways she kept doing this repeatedly. so cause obviously it wasnt working with me telling her, i told DH to talk to her and he grounded her and she started throwing a adult temper tantrum etc. anyways , cause of that, she went to school and peer told her that if she says her dad hits her they take him away. I guess you can see where im going with this. I had CYFS at my door. Ready to take her and Jacob. It was PROVEN that she lied and did this cause she got grounded and they believe we were in the right ( obviously) for grounding her and that taking the TV away for a week was a fair punishment. Anyways, cause of that ( before that) we had her in counselling for the last 2 yrs.. its not working... we have to take parenting classes ( we opt do so anything to help us cause a DR we seen said he can see her next pulling the " you touched me sexually" card and not to be surprised when it happens " and other things to keep us deal with her. Anyways back to where I was, C was trying to take a object that was jacobs to school and i told her no a few weeks ago that she couldnt ( she tends to not bring stuff home, never to be seen again) and it was one of jacob's fav balls. finds out today, she took it ANYWAYS. anyways, told her a she lost a week of tv. she flips out. i had a onion on the counter ,she flicked it on the floor and told me to clean it up. she started saying nasty stuff and then I know i shouldnt of given in but it got my angry , i flipped out and i told her that christmas is coming up and that if she keeps it up that she wont be getting anything. then she said she wanted to move and i said go, if you want to move , go no one staying in your way. anyways i tossed her the phone a little bit to hard but she caught it and she said i hit her then, and i said i didnt and she then kicked me. I told her if she hit me again i'll. call the police ( she hit me a few wks ago). she kept saying, " oh call them so you can be taken away" ... during all of this i told her 6 x to go to her room and she says "no i dont have to and i dont want to" and wouldnt go. so i left the room with jacob i couldnt handle it no more. i know i shouldnt of yelled back but she says stuff and gets me so mad cause i do sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much for her-- always treated her like she was my own. like cause her mom isnt in the picture ( her choice..and then cause of her mothers alcohol and drug use we stoped full contact) and says she wants to go back to her.. and i said go if you want to go back to that environment to go. im not letting her use that over me to get what she wants . during all this she ripped up her science book. like there is things she said/etc i havent got written here. im sorry if im all over the page but im so stressed and don't know what else to do/say. Its really to the point that im ready for her to go back to her mothers, jacob doesn't deserve to be in this behavior. but i know her future at her mothers ( there is no rules, alchol use, drug use, etc) isnt god for her and she wouldnt get a good education/etc as she would if she stayed here. Im just done with this. she is 12 years old and i don't know if i can handle anymore.. im pregnant again im stressed cause of her. this isnt good for me. i just don't know what else to do and i don't want to put dh in a spot to choose and i won't do that.


and i always wondered if one of her mothers boyfriends touch her sexually and she always said no. and thats another reason why we have her in councelling .. also she is referred to a psychiatrist.
we have sat down with her ( i cant even count how many times) , we have done reward chart, we have done everything on advice of councellers/etc and nothing is working
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #2  
December 12th, 2011, 02:14 PM
MissMeliss0522's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 972
Aww sweetie I am sorry! First and foremost breathe, you shouldn't be getting so upset (i know easier said then done) but baby needs you to be healthy and as stress free as possible right now.

First thing I would do is contact, her school counselor and document what she is doing at the house, this way if she makes accusations again, someone else knows whats going on in the home. Also, if your daughter is hitting you, I would seriously follow through in calling the police and file a report every time.. For one you don't want your little man seeing it and thinking its okay to hit anyone and If you make empty "threats" and don't call the police, she will be more likely to repeat because she knows it pushes your buttons. This will also cover your bases should she decide to do anything further.

I know you have sat down with her many times, but I would try again, and be calm and firm, and let her know that you mean business this time and that "this" is what you expect or things will drastically change. Whatever you decide, follow through, that is going to be what makes or breaks it. My kids are small so I am pulling this from my own experience as a child, the oldest in a household, and the first to always get in trouble, and try to bend or break some rules.

Good luck!! We are here for you
__________________
Melissa, Wife to Kenneth and Mommy to Courtney, Mikayla and Caelyn, and our BOY Kenny!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
December 12th, 2011, 02:46 PM
forest's Avatar Cara, Mom to two girls
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Northern California
Posts: 14,098
Send a message via Yahoo to forest
Is there a medical reason why she wets the bed? That can be a sign that a child has been sexually abused. If her counselor isn't working maybe you need to find a new one for her. I don't have a teen but my BFF is a middle school teacher and swears by Love and Logic (search Amazon) for dealing with behavior issues in that age group. Good luck.
__________________


Thank you Natalie (MrsStuartD) for my Beautiful Siggy!!!

~Cara, Mom to Elizabeth (12/5/07) and Alison (8/12/10)~~
Reply With Quote
  #4  
December 12th, 2011, 03:01 PM
Mystixism's Avatar Mistress of the Universe
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Between Here and There
Posts: 5,177
I am sorry you are dealing with this I don't have any teenagers or pre teens so I don't have much advice. The hitting should not be tolerated at all. I agree with talking to someone at the school to let them know of the situation at home. Take care of yourself and I hope things calm down soon
__________________






Reply With Quote
  #5  
December 12th, 2011, 03:09 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,128
Not to be rude or out of place, but have you ever had her evaluated by a psychologist Only reason I ask is addictions are common in some mental health disorders. If her bio-mom has addictions it might not hurt to talk to a professional and see if they notice any signs or symptoms of any types of disorders. KWIM? I hope that comes across right, I really mean it in the most caring, loving way. And as an adult who has BTDT with a parent who has addictions to alcohol, was abused, etc when I was a child.

If you are fearful of your safety or Jacob's safety - call the police. I know she's 12, but it might be the wake up call she needs. Sometimes a police officer can instill a little bit of fear! Sometimes not, but police are there to help. I've had the call the police on my own brother before. My neighbors called the police on him before. I didn't feel safe and I couldn't wait until my parents got home. I need help right away because I was worried about MY safety and the safety of my youngest brother. he wasn't just hitting or threatening to hit. he was threatening to kill us with a knife, etc. So it was more extreme, but still. Never once did the police discount me calling or my younger brother calling. The police made sure that we were safe and that my brother was safe. And that we were separated for the remainder of the day. Thankfully, my parents were both nearby and able to juggle us around. It got to the point that me and the youngest couldn't live with the middle brother.

Another thought, I know you want to protect her. However, she is a tween and she I'm sure does love her bio-mom despite the bad choices. She might need to experience the choices her mom has made for herself. Not just what you and dad say. KWIM? IDK if that would be a safe enough option for like a weekend or school break, but it sounds like you guys have valid reasons for trying to keep her away.

In the mean time, can you and DH set up a meeting with the school? Talk to them about what is going on at home. If she claims that she's be touched inappropriately, or in any way abused or neglected the school is a mandatory reporter. However, when YFS/DSS check it out and investigate usually they can determine quickly whats going on. The parenting classes sounds great. Talk to DSS/YFS see how else you can protect yourselves and Jacob if she makes any additional claims. Plus, she already has a strike because she got caught lying.

BIG HUGS! I know it can't be easy. I know its probably tough from her end, but it doesn't justify the behavior. Just try to be firm and consistent.
__________________
Mommy to H (6) and E (brand new)
4 Angels gone too soon




Reply With Quote
  #6  
December 12th, 2011, 03:22 PM
mommy2lilmen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Delta, BC Canada
Posts: 2,919
OMG I aws going to say what HOPE said..
I have a teenage son, and if he pulled what she done IDK what I would do. From what I read, I would of spanked her. I dont condone spankings really BUT if I had to deal with that I would. I cant imagine being a stepparent. My DH is a stepparent and if any of my boys treated him that way, omg. My kids are by far not perfect..and I am so so so sorry your going through this. I am crying for you. I want to go take her from you and show her what life is really like without a loving parent. Shes so lucky to have you. You are such a strong woman. I tell ya you are! I really hope something straightens this up. Is she menstrual? Perhaps some medication like ativan or paxil can help her, I know when I was going through menstrual issues I felt I needed them and for a few years it helped. Chemical imbalances are common, especially in females. Its awful. Im so sorry hun. I will say this, the ministry will not take the parents away if a child keeps calling wolf..you have the school on your side, and hopefully a counsellor. ..hmmm thinking..is there a way you could take her to the hospital? I mean, they offer counselling there, perhaps. Just a thought. Was she fine befor 2011?
__________________
Annick
Mommy to 7 boys and 1 girl!
Sean 16, Justin 13, Kevin 11, Jayson 10, Bryce 4, Seth 3 & Kade 1
4 babies 94,95,99, 08~TL April 2003 & Sept 2013 TR May 2008

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blessed with 1 Autistic and 1 Down Syndrome child
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alyssa Marie Jade
September 1, 2013 @ 11:01pm 6lb 8oz & 18.5in
Emerg C Sec, Down Syndrome blessing, AVSD, Hirschsprungs, G tube
58 day NICU stay, Sept 1- Oct 29 2013





Reply With Quote
  #7  
December 12th, 2011, 04:53 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,128
Quote:
Originally Posted by forest View Post
Is there a medical reason why she wets the bed? That can be a sign that a child has been sexually abused. If her counselor isn't working maybe you need to find a new one for her. I don't have a teen but my BFF is a middle school teacher and swears by Love and Logic (search Amazon) for dealing with behavior issues in that age group. Good luck.
Ditto about medical reason. Her behavior+bed wetting can be signs of past abuse. Hubby and I were finishing classes to become foster parents and they talked about some of what you said being red flags to contact the agency
__________________
Mommy to H (6) and E (brand new)
4 Angels gone too soon




Reply With Quote
  #8  
December 12th, 2011, 05:58 PM
MissMeliss0522's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 972
Quote:
Originally Posted by hope71012 View Post
Ditto about medical reason. Her behavior+bed wetting can be signs of past abuse. Hubby and I were finishing classes to become foster parents and they talked about some of what you said being red flags to contact the agency
I was thinking the same but didn't want to imply she had
__________________
Melissa, Wife to Kenneth and Mommy to Courtney, Mikayla and Caelyn, and our BOY Kenny!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
December 12th, 2011, 06:13 PM
Jennifer-Jacob's Mommy's Avatar Mega Momma
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Newfoundland
Posts: 1,343
Send a message via MSN to Jennifer-Jacob's Mommy
Trust me, I already took her to the dr, we did get testing done find out she has reflux in her kidneys. That has been corrected and she is still doing it. I still firmly believe something happened at her moms but we ask her plenty of times, told social workers of our beliefs and councellers and she says no one has so there isnt anything we can do. Im trying my best .

This is the 2nd conseller that she is seeing. the 1st one played a lot of board games,etc... this one giving her junk food.. and i understand we aint going to see a change overnight but its been 2 years of counselling and if anything..things are getting WORSE. She has seen this new counseller only 4 x so far.. so i dont want to cut the cord to quick yet but i am really taking your suggestions about finding a new one.

We are in the waiting time for the psychiatry . here its about 1.5 years before anything can be seen or done. i feel its going to be to late but what can we do. we are signed up for behavioral therapy with her, we are taking parenting classes, we are taking any bit of advice we are offered to handle her and nothing is working. NOTHING. Ive went to the drs numerous times with her.. but they think its all "behavioral" issues.. but people who see what I see agree that there is something more with her.. Im against medication.. but i think she needs it. I don't know if i can handle 1.5 years of it ....

thank you ladies i am apperiating every comment and support. i need it.. I need to hear that Im not a horrible mother as she makes me feel like i am!
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #10  
December 12th, 2011, 06:19 PM
Jennifer-Jacob's Mommy's Avatar Mega Momma
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Newfoundland
Posts: 1,343
Send a message via MSN to Jennifer-Jacob's Mommy
this decribes her completely
Oppositional defiant disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #11  
December 12th, 2011, 07:25 PM
mommy2lilmen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Delta, BC Canada
Posts: 2,919
OMG..now can you take that with you to a next appointment, like a print out?
Wow I feel bad for you. I have the typical bad kids here, but nothing like you. I wish it would stop for you. Totally not fair for you.
How is she with the toddler?
__________________
Annick
Mommy to 7 boys and 1 girl!
Sean 16, Justin 13, Kevin 11, Jayson 10, Bryce 4, Seth 3 & Kade 1
4 babies 94,95,99, 08~TL April 2003 & Sept 2013 TR May 2008

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blessed with 1 Autistic and 1 Down Syndrome child
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alyssa Marie Jade
September 1, 2013 @ 11:01pm 6lb 8oz & 18.5in
Emerg C Sec, Down Syndrome blessing, AVSD, Hirschsprungs, G tube
58 day NICU stay, Sept 1- Oct 29 2013





Reply With Quote
  #12  
December 12th, 2011, 07:52 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 636
We dealt with this and worse with dh's middle child (now almost 17.). She likewise pulled the abuse card (mental and verbal in her opinion, if we lectured her or punished her at all for failing, skipping school, encouraging her to bathe). We gave her to her mother. It was not an easy choice but it was becoming a danger to everyone else in the house. If we could have afforded private residential schools for kids like this would have been our first choice.

I'm sorry, it's a horrid thing to go through. Please let me know if you need to talk.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #13  
December 12th, 2011, 09:35 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,199
What the others said......
She sounds like a mentally and emotionally disturbed person, and i agree with u, if she would get diagnosed properly a medicine can do wonders for her....
Otherwise, u sound like a great Mom, so try not to stress-i can only imagine what r u going trough-, and get some sort of professional help, or have her try to live at her moms for a bit, which she won't like anyways.
Im sorry u gotta deal with this, especially pregnant and with ur boy witnessing all this...((((hugs))
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #14  
December 13th, 2011, 08:39 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,128
1.5 years is insaine. Can you not get an emergency appointment or something? I think your incanada, I don't know how things work there...but if something is going on that is a disservice to her! And it will only hurt her long term- she needs help now! Maybe to through the emergency department? Or mental health hospital? I know a few times in my state parents have had more luck with services goin through the ER because the kids where out of control and not safe to be at home.

I agree though, if something happened its up to her to tell. All you can do is love her and provide counseling, etc.

((big hugs)).
__________________
Mommy to H (6) and E (brand new)
4 Angels gone too soon




Reply With Quote
  #15  
December 14th, 2011, 08:01 AM
txmumx4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: United States
Posts: 1,242
You sound like an amazingly patient person. I'll be honest I would of given her back to her bio-mom by now. Maybe seeing how good she has it might be an eye opener. I couldn't imagine living in fear like that I am so sorry u are having to live like this! I hope u can find a counsler that can better assist you or some awesome meds that will help control her behavior. You can't have this going on while ur pregnant. It isn't safe for ur bean. Talk to your dh about some more of your options maybe? (((hugs))) kup
__________________







Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:10 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0