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Forum: July, August & September 2012 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By 3Sapphires
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  #1  
February 14th, 2012, 06:46 AM
Dee
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,515
If you work outside the home, have you started thinking about when you're going to talk about your pregnancy at work? Do you have a plan for what you'll do after the baby is born?

This is my first pregnancy, and I've been struggling with this since we started trying. I love my work, and it is a huge part of my identity. I also enjoy my co-workers, I've been doing this for a long time and I have difficulty imagining my life without it. I think we can survive on DH's income and we buy our own health insurance, so that's not a factor. I grew up in a household with two working parents, and I think that was good for me, but there are some kids who I think do better with one parent at home. (In our dream world, my income would be such that DH could quit his job and parent at home, but he just makes more money, so that's not happening.) Every woman I know well with children currently under 10 hasn't gone back to working outside the home, even the ones who planned to ended up deciding at the end of maternity leave that they couldn't do it.

This is such a personal decision. What are your thoughts on it?
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  #2  
February 14th, 2012, 06:59 AM
3Sapphires's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: the mountain state
Posts: 11,166
I have been a SAHM since a few months before my first was born. When we found out I was pregnant we were in a financial mess, and decided we would have to move. So at 12 weeks, not only did I tell my employers I was pregnant, but that I was also leaving in the next 2 months.

I loved my job, my co-workers, my employers, it was really hard, and in some ways I regret ever leaving that job, but in other ways it was the best decision for us.

We still struggle financially, but even if I was working, every cent would go into child care, and that just seems silly. So for now I am a SAHM, and will be until everyone is in school full time.

I do love being a SAHM, the rewards are immeasurable, but sometimes adult interaction would be nice.
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  #3  
February 14th, 2012, 07:49 AM
GeekLover11's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Greater Philadelphia Area
Posts: 1,163
I have already spoken to my work about my pregnancy. I needed to feel like I had people who I could turn to when I was feeling ill or when I had doctors appointments. As a teacher, I have a paid six weeks after birth and an additional 89 days unpaid to take after. We are planning to save as much money as possible during the upcoming months so that I do not have to return to work until after the New Year, using the full 89 days.

With that being said, I am planning on returning to work. My mother is unable to work due to health reasons and is willing to watch the baby for us. I really can not see myself as a stay at home mom. However, my DH would love to be able to stay home

I am hoping in the next few years to move out of the classroom and into administration. If all goes as planned, that will give us the financial flexibility to have DH stay home.
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  #4  
February 14th, 2012, 07:56 AM
Birdieluv's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 101
I have a dd who is 14 months old. I have always worked outside the home. After this baby is born I plan to work 3 days a week. I currently work 4 days a week. My boss already knows we are expecting. There were decisions that needed to be made right when we found out were my boss needed to know. I will love working part time, I think it is the perfect situation for me. We need the money and I think it will give me good balance.
I grew up in a household where my mom did not work until I was nine. She ran a at home day care which I was not a fan of.

Do what feels right to you. You need to be a little selfish and do what makes you happy too!
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  #5  
February 14th, 2012, 08:12 AM
momma_d's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 6,198
Your thoughts/views will change so much after you have a child. IMO there is just no way to prepare/plan for what you want to do after because once that baby is here you will never want to go back to work!

I stayed home for a year with DD after I had her. And now that I'm working full time, I like it, but she is in preschool, so she doesn't NEED to be with me all day anymore .

This time around I work in a VERY small office, with 2 other women and they both know I'm pregnant and knew we were planning another baby, so it wasn't a big shock to either of them. I honestly don't know what I want to do after the baby is here. I know I will stay home for a at least a few months and will probably offer my Boss the option of me working from home a few days a week if possible, basically for my own sanity. In most cases its very hard to find part time daycare so I don't know yet what I will do! Luckily my job is extremely flexible so I'm not too worried about it.
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  #6  
February 14th, 2012, 08:25 AM
YumPickles's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 330
After my son was born we decided I should stay at home. My husband made enough oney that we were able to get by, and we thought it was the best thing for our son.

I do not regret the time I have gotten to spend with my son. He is, of course, my reason for being. However I sometimes wish that I would not have stayed home so long. We have had to go without a lot of things on just one income, and I miss being around adults with adult conversations. A good quality day care can also be good for kids, it helps them socialize with other kids and get outside stimulation. My son has issues socializing with kids his age now as we were pretty isolated and didn't get a chance to play with other kids on a regular basis.

You have to do whats right for you. If you have a rich social life outside of work for both you and your baby, being a stay at home mom can be awesome. If you don't, it can be very very depressing.
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  #7  
February 14th, 2012, 09:58 AM
DaniM0820's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Pottstown, PA
Posts: 3,041
This baby is my first but I've already been thinking of what to do after he/she arrives.

I LOVE my job and seriously would never leave unless we won the lottery (which we don't even play ). Luckily for me, the state I work in will give me 4 weeks disability before the baby is born at 2/3 pay. Next is the 6-8 weeks maternity leave at 2/3 pay. After THAT is 6 more weeks of leave at 2/3 pay. And then I have the option of taking an additional 6 weeks unpaid.

I plan on going on leave starting in August (the full 4 weeks before my due date, mostly because I live 1.5 hours away from where I work) and not returning until after New Years. I'll have to use some unpaid time (unless I get a c-section) so I might go into the office 2-3 days in December to catch up on some things and qualify for the Holiday pay.

After that I want to work from home 3 days/week and in the office the other 2. I talked to my direct boss about this already but still need to talk to the VP (which I've heard he is very accomodating with these situations).

I would love to be able to be a SAHM, but it just isn't in the cards for us unless DH started making more than double what he is now. But that's ok. I think the extra income works best for us, and if I can figure out a way to work at home WITH the baby there, then it would be sooo fantastic to have all of that time with him/her. We will need to look into a babysitter/daycare for those 2 days I will be in the office though.
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  #8  
February 14th, 2012, 10:57 AM
CoolMomof2's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 237
Yes this decision is very personal as well as situational for everybody ..

When DD was born in 2008 , I had planned to return to work after 12 weeks of delivery [12 weeks unpaid leave is all I got in the name of FMLA] . But just 2 weeks after I returned, I was laid off . My being SAHM for the next 1 and ľ years was unplanned but I took it positively . But by the time I got a job after that I had really become desparate for a ‘work outside home’ job. Just because I wanted a change. We started DD in a @home daycare and then a full time daycare as soon as I started going to work. It has been crazy at times but I feel thankful for the time I stayed with DD which also gave me a perspective on how I really wanted to work ooutside home after some time as SAHM.

Now this pregnancy may be a different story as I am looking for a change again . I so much want to stay at home and give some of my exclusive time to this new baby as well ! I want to enjoy as this may be our last child . I have not told at work yet because “telling” is making me nervous. I will tell my manager in a week or so. I have not planned what will I do after my maternity leave ends . We still have 2 choices – first is hiring a nanny while I will still be on leave and continuing with my job on a flexible schedule and the second one being leaving the job altogether to be with the baby fulltime ! For some reason I am inclining towards becoming a SAHM

Do whatever makes you confident and happy for your choices !
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  #9  
February 14th, 2012, 11:26 AM
Mrs_Crystal_K's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Parker, CO
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I work full-time for an insurance company. I work 1 day a week at home.

I am saving all of my vacation and sick time for maternity leave. I should have close to 4 weeks of vacation/sick time at 100% income. Then, I will take my 2 weeks of paid Maternity Leave at 100% income. Then, I will take 9 weeks of short-term disability at 66% income. After that, I may consider some FMLA leave for no income if 15 weeks isn't enough.

I am HOPING my job lets me work 3 days a week at home when I come back (and the other 2 in the office). A fellow co-worker here got the schedule after her son was born and he is 2 now and she still has that schedule. I will be extremely upset if they don't offer me that opportunity when it's been offered to another mom.

Unfortunately, there's no way we can survive on just 1 income so I'll have to be working to some extent.
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  #10  
February 14th, 2012, 12:54 PM
curlygirl77's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The UK
Posts: 1,142
I had planned to go back to work after I had my first child (we get six months maternity leave in the UK), but when it came down to it, I just couldn't leave him. That was 11 years ago and I haven't worked outside the home since.

I've had part time data entry and transcription jobs working from home, and for the past 4 years I've been doing home daycare on and off, but I never returned to full time employment outside the home. My husband is military, so he doesn't exactly make a fortune, but we never feel like we have to go without anything and our healthcare and dental is free so that definitely helps.

Sometimes I definitely miss adult interaction, but when I think what I would have to pay for daycare, I don't think it would be worth my while to get a job right now. Plus, we have four kids, and just the thought of trying to juggle after school care and school holiday care makes me ill!
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  #11  
February 14th, 2012, 03:26 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 154
DH and I have been talking about this too...

I expect I will want to stay at home for at least the first year, just from watching friends have their babies. We will be fine financially on only DH's income, although it will be an adjustment. And I don't love my job (quite the opposite!) so it won't be difficult to leave. The only thing I worry about is how much adult interaction I'll miss... but then again, I have a bunch of SAHM friends, and I'm hoping to find a local new mothers' group.

One other option is to work part time, or possibly part time from home. For the type of work I do, that's a possibility. I just don't know what I'm going to feel like when the time comes...

Between what my work offers for leave and the amount of vacation I'll have built up, I should be able to take 5 1/2 months off, mostly paid, which is nice. But I doubt it will be long enough
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  #12  
February 14th, 2012, 04:21 PM
RunningMommyTo5's Avatar Marathoning Mom to 4!
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Georgia
Posts: 4,443
It is such a personal decision, that no one can tell one person what is right for their situation and it is one that each family has to make in regards to what's right for them.

I worked all the way up to 2 weeks before I had my first DS. I told my immediate boss at 6wks (we had just had our u/s and everything went well). I needed her to know because I was close to her. We had just suffered a loss a few months before, so she already knew we were trying. I also needed her to know in case of needing to stay home due to M/S or leaving for appts, etc. I told everyone else at 12wks.

I loved my job and actually had a well-paying executive position. Pretty unusual for a 25yr old, but I'd worked so very hard to get there. My salary was pretty great, but I've always known I wanted to stay at home when I had kids. I came from a home with a SAHM and really enjoyed having her there and having her always be available to help with my classrooms, be room mom, etc. DH and I prayed about it and we decided that it was definitely what we both thought was best for our family. It took a huge leap of faith on our part because of my salary. It was going to be a huge paycut for us. We started getting our finances in order a few months into the pregnancy. We let DH start paying all the bills and handling everything as he would have to, just to make sure he could get by. All of my money went into buying the big baby stuff; furniture, etc, and the rest paying off our debt and into our savings.

I decided to tell my job at about 7-8mo that I wouldn't be coming back. My company was such an awesome one. They were fully supportive of my decision and understood why I was doing it, although they did express how sad they'd be to lose me. They even told me to go ahead and take my 12wks paid leave JIC I changed my mind, and assured me there was no penalty and no one would look down on me for resigning after the leave. They said it was mine and I'd earned it by working hard for them, and to just turn in my 2week notice at 10wks into the leave. They were way more understanding and awesome than I thought they'd be. They even offer me a position when I'm ready to come back if i run into my old bosses still, LOL!

I have never once regretted staying at home. It was truly what I feel called to do. That's not to say it's not the most difficult and trying "position" I've ever had, but the rewards are immeasurable. Sure, DH and I had to change several of our lifestyle choices and give up some luxuries along the way, but that is also something neither of us have regretted. I have a great group of women that I see and talk to pretty regularly, so I can get the adult interaction I need. However, many of those women are working moms, and they are truly fulfilled in their lifestyle, too, and we respect each others choices, and they are both very valid.

It's not an easy decision to make, but continue to talk with your DH about it and decide what works for you.
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  #13  
February 14th, 2012, 04:50 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 4,065
I wanted to stay home with my daughter so badly...I was in tears over it. My mom stayed home with us and I loved it and thought that's the way it should be. And halfway through my pregnancy my husband got a better job that allowed me to stay home.

Oh my goodness after I had my daughter I totally changed my tune LOL. I think staying at home is mind-numbingly boring if its 24-7 (for me). I think I"d like it much better if she was in school and I could get a little break lol. Anyway, I'm very luck and was able to go back to work part-time...2 10-hour shifts (I'm a pharmacist). I love it. Part-time work is the way to go for me.
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  #14  
February 15th, 2012, 01:55 PM
Dee
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,515
Thank you SO MUCH for your stories and insights. It really is such a personal and important decision (I feel like we're making a lot more of those lately!), and what you've shared here gives us a lot to think and talk about. I really appreciate this, thank you.
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