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Gender Disappointment


Forum: July, August & September 2012 Playroom

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  #1  
March 19th, 2012, 08:56 PM
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So DH really really wanted us to have a boy. And now that we've found out we're having a girl, I feel like he's just not as "into" this pregnancy as he was before we knew. I sort of wanted a boy too, but I was honestly happy with either gender, as long as baby was healthy. I was more disappointed because I knew how badly he wanted a boy.
I've talked to him a bit about it, mostly when I'm browsing through baby girl clothes at the store and he's in his own little world playing on his phone. It frustrates me, because I can't help but think he'd be picking out clothes and toys and video game consoles left and right if we were having a boy. He would be sooo into it.
I'm sure it'll all get better once she's here. But it's just kind of a let down for him to be SO into the pregnancy up until the first part of this month, and now he's just kind of "meh" about it. Has anyone else experienced this?
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  #2  
March 19th, 2012, 09:15 PM
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Yes! Well, kind of... DH hasn't seemed real into this pregnancy unless there was something going on, then he showed concern. I honestly don't think DH cares either way about what we are having, but its like since he doesn't get to find out at all now, he has been even less interested. He does tease me and says "Well, if you do this or that, then you might start bleeding, and we can have another ultrasound!!" LOL I know he is just teasing, but I also know he would DIE to find out what we are having, just to feel more bonded I guess... Anyway, yes, DH acts like he is let down.
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  #3  
March 19th, 2012, 09:16 PM
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This was my hubby kinda but he just said "well, we will have to try for a 3rd shortly after" I could see the disappointment on his face when the tech said it was a girl.
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  #4  
March 19th, 2012, 10:15 PM
Mom.to.PinknBlue's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My DH hasn't been much into this pregnancy either. I know deep down he wanted a boy and he is happy at that fact. But he just doesn't seem interested this time around. I am slowly getting used to the idea that we are having a boy. I'm not going to lie I was a little disappointed when I saw a penis.
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  #5  
March 20th, 2012, 12:16 AM
mommy2lilmen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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awww Im so sorry. You know at times I think DH is kinda upset this one is another boy and that he wasnt *right* ..I also see hes upset cus hes spending money on this one and allowing me to spend lol thats our cure to things to a degree. I hit gender disappointment big time when I had my 6th boy and I thought I would to this time. Yes Im upset, yes i do see the *blues etc* as meh..but I do hope your DH snaps out of it soon and maybe surprises you and gets involved. Dont rush or push things..im sure he loves the baby just as much..HUGS
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  #6  
March 20th, 2012, 05:50 AM
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Hugs, that must be frustrating. He'll come around and the minute he sees that little face it won't matter!
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  #7  
March 20th, 2012, 09:38 AM
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We are having 3 more boys after 5 boys. DH and I were both a little disappointed when we found out. But we went to a clothes shop today and picked up a few cute outfits
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  #8  
March 20th, 2012, 10:19 AM
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You are not alone. My DH wasn't into it at all 5 years ago when I was pregnant with DD and I thought it was because she was a girl (even though he already had 2 boys). But now that I'm having a boy I thought he would be more into it and he's exactly the same way.

I'm sure your DH will be fine once the baby gets here, but you're not alone. Hugs!!
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  #9  
March 20th, 2012, 10:59 AM
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I think gender disappointment is a hard thing to deal with, especially because there's this idea out there that you should just be happy its healthy - which is so unrealistic. I read a couple articles on it when we were deciding if we wanted to stay Team Green or find out the gender, because I wanted to be prepared for it.

The gist of most of the articles was essentially that when you start hoping for a gender you start planning out this whole life... then you find out its all wrong and so it's like you lost this life you were imagining. Essentially people who experience gender disappointment have to go through a grieving process for the idea of a boy or a girl and its completely healthy, and it will pass. Given what I read I'd say the best thing to do is let him come to terms with it in his own way, and hope he comes around sooner rather than later.

Just as a side note, my due date is borderline august and July so I'm in the August DDC as well and one of the ladies over there was really hoping for a boy and she was very disappointed when she found out it was a girl and so was her hubby. Here's the link if you are interested... It might make you feel better to read someone else's story.

http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f1...-find-out.html
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  #10  
March 20th, 2012, 11:03 AM
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Thank you so much girls... one.juniper, I had never thought of it that way... it truly is like a grieving process. He had been planning on doing a star wars themed nursery (yes, he's a major geek) and buying the baby spiderman onesies and whatnot. So it was like this whole little thing planned out and now it's not happening, at least not yet. Thank you so much for pointing this out. I need to let him do his thing, and I know he'll come around. He aalready has started to.
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  #11  
March 20th, 2012, 03:24 PM
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DH is dealing with gender disappointment. It really uspets me. I realize his feelings are valid, but I truly believe that in our situation gender is not important we should just be thankful the baby is healthy and I'm staying pregnant. I know its real, but its hard to accept for *US* if that makes sense.

DH looks longingly at families with sons. He desperately wants a boy. His siblings are making it a competition now to have the first boy. I'm sad because I know it'd mean a lot to him to have a son. Even if we could ensure a boy for a 3rd child, we couldn't financially raise a 3rd child. And emotionally, I don't think I would be able to survive another pregnancy. As it is most days I survive hour by hour. And because he's so disappointed, I do wonder if he will ever accept her and truly love her or if he will always wonder what it would be like to have a boy. I know when he sees her, he will love her. I just wonder if it will the the same love he felt for DD1 if that makes sense. He''s not engaged in this pregnancy like he was with #1.
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