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OT: What are your thoughts?


Forum: July, August & September 2012 Playroom

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  #1  
March 29th, 2012, 06:19 AM
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I have been MIA but recently came across a video online that made me cry and want to physically hurt someone it showed a women admonishing her daughter whos maybe 4 or 5 then all of a sudden she punches her and slaps her in the face she then grabs her hair and shakes her head this continues on for about 3 mins then she stops and start talkind to her again it seem like everytime she thinks of whatever the child did she hits her again I am crying and want to beat this women up There is nothing that any child could do to warrant this time of physical harm I am not against spanking as a last resort which in tell a pop on the hand or swat on the butt butttttttt this was a one sided fight What are yall thoughts on spanking? Do you believe there is a difference between spanking and abusive or is all the same to you?
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  #2  
March 29th, 2012, 06:42 AM
3Sapphires's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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there is definitely a difference between spanking and abuse.

We spank, but I would never punch or shake my child.
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  #3  
March 29th, 2012, 07:42 AM
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I think spanking is wrong. I was okay with it before I had my first, but then I couldn't imagine hurting my child. And I found out that there have been numerous studies proving that spanking is damaging and does not work.

I'd say spanking IS abuse, but there are obviously levels of abuse.
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  #4  
March 29th, 2012, 07:59 AM
amazing_love's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Darn, i just wrote a reply and somehow it vanished. Grrr. Okay so that lady is most definitely wrong and should have her child taken away from her.

I don't feel that all spanking is abuse but yes it can be abuse. I don't think an issue like this is black and white. There is a right and wrong way to spank if you are going to do it. Its never okay to spank out of anger which i feel most people don't understand how to not do this and react because they are frustrated themselves. We choose not to spank because of my history as a child and we feel we don't ever want to risk getting to the point of hitting our child to release our anger. My dad spanked out of anger. I still remember the look on his face when he'd be furious with me and spank me. I believe that was abuse and there is a better way to discipline. However i talked to a friend who told me her dad spanked her and would say "You're getting a spanking because you did this, etc." matter of factly and wouldn't do it out of anger. She had no negative feelings on spanking. So i'm not against everyone spanking if its done properly but still don't feel comfortable doing it myself. We choose timeouts and lots of communication.
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  #5  
March 29th, 2012, 08:03 AM
YumPickles's Avatar Veteran
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I dont think a swat on the bottom or slapping hands is abuse. It is strong punishment that should be used only when necessary. I gave my son swats when he was doing something dangerous, like climbing up on tables or railings, and other forms of punishment (reprimand, time out, etc.) just didn't work. Even a light swat always got the point across.

There is a big difference between spanking and abuse.
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  #6  
March 29th, 2012, 08:57 AM
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We spank, it's not abuse... if I was abusing my kids by spanking, any number of my friends or family would have turned me in because it wouldn't matter who I am to them, the kids and their safety matter more. Shaking and hitting your kid is abuse though. There is a big difference between a pat on the butt, especially when it doesn't cause pain (more of a shock for them to stop the behavior) and shaking and hitting your kids. Can spanking be extreme and be abusive, yes... it all depends on who is doing it, how much force is behind it.
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  #7  
March 29th, 2012, 09:04 AM
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I agree, Krista. There is a point when it *can* cross the line into abuse, just as strong words can cross the line into abuse, as well. But, speaking of spanking in and of itself, there is a difference between that and abuse. We never spank out of anger, and we always make sure our boys understand WHY they are getting spanked and it was a result of x,y,z action, and they fact that they chose to blatantly disobey, do something they KNEW was wrong, or that would be dangerous for them to do, and this was the consequence for their actions. We also make sure they understand that they choose the consequence by choosing the action that caused it, and this goes for any disciplinary issue and how it's handled, no matter if it's spanking, taking a toy away, or restriction of some sort. It's very important to teach children from a young age that actions and choices have consequences, IMHO. I think the huge problem with our society today is that it is full of adults who were never taught to connect their own consequences being a result of their own choices and therefore, continue to blame others for their irresponsibility, lack of success, etc. This is the importance of any form of discipline, no matter how the parents choose to do it. That's why they WAY you discipline is just as important as HOW you choose to do it.
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  #8  
March 29th, 2012, 10:35 AM
palmetto_moon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I see a big difference between spanking and abuse. That being said, spanking can become abuse in the wrong hands.
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  #9  
March 29th, 2012, 10:50 AM
InnocentDevil's Avatar Super Mommy
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I don;t see anything wrong with spanking or a slap on the hands. It's not my first line of discipline though. I know that some parents use it as the first go-to when their children are misbehaving. It's my last resort. That being said, I would never EVER hit my daughter hard enough to leave marks or make her afraid of me. I also don;t believe in using belts, wooden spoons, paddles, etc. Those things are considered child abuse to me.

I think too many parents use the "time out" option and other discipline means and that's why the majority of children in the world today are such spoiled brats. They think they can run their parents. In my home, Kelly knows I am the boss. Her feelings and opinions are very important, but we have rules in place for a reason and there are consequences if they're not followed. If it comes to the point where spanking needs to happen, I make sure Kelly is well aware as to why it's happening.
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  #10  
March 29th, 2012, 11:28 AM
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I think there is a big difference......

I only spank my kids, on the butt or hand, and it has to be warranted. Usually a time out, or loss of toy/tv show works best but there are times when a spank is needed. I think hitting a child out of anger will confuse them more and make them not understand why they are being bad. They learn nothing from that but uh oh I did SOMETHING bad and now i'm in trouble. I always tell my kids why they are being punished before they get punished so that they KNOW what was bad. Like for example when my daughter bites my son I bring her in a quiet room by herself and ask her why she did it, then after she answers (Usually the answer is "I dunno" LOL) I tell her to take a quite time out and think about why biting her brother is bad. Then after a couple minutes I tell her to apologize and give Layne a hug and then all is well for a little while...LOL.
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  #11  
March 29th, 2012, 12:08 PM
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Anytime, anyone 'hits' out of anger, it is abuse.
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  #12  
March 29th, 2012, 12:19 PM
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I'm pretty sure we're all saying we don't hit out of anger.
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  #13  
March 29th, 2012, 12:31 PM
Blessed Mommy Of 5's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I agree that there is a big difference in spanking and abuse. Yes, spanking can definitely become abuse. I have never personally spanked any of my children. DH has and he believes in it. I personally do not. It is something we disagree on. It has never caused any problems since he has never spanked any of our children out if anger or with excessive force. I do not believe a regular spanking is abuse.
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  #14  
March 29th, 2012, 01:07 PM
amazing_love's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by InnocentDevil View Post
I don;t see anything wrong with spanking or a slap on the hands. It's not my first line of discipline though. I know that some parents use it as the first go-to when their children are misbehaving. It's my last resort. That being said, I would never EVER hit my daughter hard enough to leave marks or make her afraid of me. I also don;t believe in using belts, wooden spoons, paddles, etc. Those things are considered child abuse to me.

I think too many parents use the "time out" option and other discipline means and that's why the majority of children in the world today are such spoiled brats. They think they can run their parents. In my home, Kelly knows I am the boss. Her feelings and opinions are very important, but we have rules in place for a reason and there are consequences if they're not followed. If it comes to the point where spanking needs to happen, I make sure Kelly is well aware as to why it's happening.
To say that the reason children are spoiled brats is because of time outs is a ridiculous statement IMO. There are many different forms of discipline and i'd say that most can be effective when used properly including timeouts. I think they work wonderfully so far in most cases. They give the child a chance to sit quietly and calm down and the parent time to breathe and take a minute as well. Spanking is not the only form of discipline out there, it is all preference and personal comfort. I plan to put a lot of emphasis on consequences for actions even though my son is not even 2 yet. I do not let him get away with things where most parents i see are not consistent at all. THAT is where you get the spoiled brats. Me not being comfortable spanking does not mean my kids will become that.
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  #15  
March 29th, 2012, 02:38 PM
InnocentDevil's Avatar Super Mommy
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I said the "majority." Not all.I'm sure you are different, but every single parent I know that uses time outs are inconsistent and the child goes right back to doing whatever they got in trouble for as soon as they're out of the timeout. I also never said spanking was the only form of discipline. I said it's a form and it my LAST resort when all else fails. Different discipline measure work for different children. Timeouts never worked on Kelly and I WAS consistent. They just weren't a strong enough punishment to affect her. I am comfortable with how I discipline my child and just because I spank her from time to time doesn't mean I love her any less or that's she is worse off than those that don't get spanked.
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  #16  
March 29th, 2012, 02:59 PM
amazing_love's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I completely agree that it doesn't mean you love her any less. I would never say that. I'm not against spanking, i just choose not to myself. I feel every parent has a different way of parenting and we should all be open and understanding that no one does things exactly the same and that's okay!
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  #17  
March 29th, 2012, 06:03 PM
RedRose_xo's Avatar Veteran
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We don't spank our daughter. Its not something I believe in, and I wouldn't even use it as a last resort. That said, Lucy is quite young so who knows what kind of difficulties may arise in the future.
For now, we don't spank, or raise our voices, and it works well. I use my "angry voice", as she calls it, when she's in trouble. I do this so that I can save screaming or shouting for dangerous situations, like the time she let go of my hand and almost walked out in front of a car. She knows if I'm shouting she is in HUGE trouble.
Most of the time, my "angry" voice is enough to grab her attention. If this fails, we have a reflection chair, which she sits on to think about what she did. If she's been particularly badly behaved, privileges are taken away, such as sleeping at her cousins house or going to the park with daddy after school.
I guess I just don't see the point in it because I can discipline my child without doing it. I know all families are different, and that different strokes work for different folks, but still.
I think that associating bad behaviour with a spanking is a bad message to send young kids. I don't judge parents who choose to do it though, because as I said, different things work for different families.
Its just not something I'd ever consider doing myself.

OP, I'm sorry you saw that video. It must gave been heartbreaking to see.
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