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  #1  
March 30th, 2012, 09:35 AM
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Last night my kids wanted to sleep on the futon downstairs, so I said okay. They asked me to scratch their backs, so as I was sitting between them, one hand on each of their backs, singing to them, the baby started to kick. I felt myself start to think how I'm going to juggle another child. As I lied down between them, my DD put her hand on my arm, and my DS put his head on my shoulder. And the baby kicked again. I thought, Where will this one lay? I started to panic.

I was the oldest of two kids, and I parent my kids a lot by what worked when I was a kid. If there is only one cookie left, I split it in half. If the kid's are fighting and my husband and I don't know who's telling the truth; He'll take one kid's side, and I'll take the other. When they cry that I love the other one more, I tell them "You're my boy and She's my girl." I don't know what to do with three. When it's time to pick a movie do I go by majority rules? With two boys and a girl, won't the boys always pick a boy movie? I saw a commercial yesterday for Disney World that was so nice, and then it said "For your family of 4" What, so I just leave a kid at home? Sorry son, you can't go to the most magical place on earth with us. Maybe next time." I feel so overwhelmed. Maybe it's because I'm so tired, and extra stressed lately, but I keep telling my husband that I'm going to be able to handle it, and I'm terrified that I'm gonna lose my cool.

Does anyone who has more than two kids or who grew up with at least 2 siblings have any advice to calm me down? My friends with three have been telling me the jump from 2 to 3 was worse than 1 to 2. That does not comfort me at all.
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  #2  
March 30th, 2012, 09:49 AM
momma_d's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Awww.... I think the way you are feeling is COMPLETELY natural. I am already feeling a bit panicked about going from 1-2 so I can relate to how you are feeling.

I grew up with 4 younger brothers. I was the oldest. Our house was noisy, rambunctious, messy, and chaotic to say the least. There were fake snakes and power ranger toys everywhere. We didn't always get what we wanted because there were so many of us. We would squeeze into our van to drive long drives on vacations, and if it wasn't for headphones and Dramamine I probably would have lost my mind! LOL BUT, I would not change it for ANYTHING. Holidays are a blast, trips home are always full of stories, and there is always something going on to keep busy. The way I see it, the more the merrier. I can't imagine only having one other sibling and a quiet calm house where we all got what we wanted and holidays were calm and short. Give me my 4 siblings crammed into a 3 bedroom house fighting over movies and food ANY day over the latter.

I hope this helps. You will have plenty of love to go around to all of your children and it will just make life all that much better! You are such a strong woman doing what you are doing, keep moving forward and trusting that God has you on the right path!
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  #3  
March 30th, 2012, 09:50 AM
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I have no words of advice, but to make you feel better I'm feeling the exact same thing. I have two and am really panicky about how I'm going to deal with a third. I'm interested to hear some of our fellow mamas advice on the subject!
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  #4  
March 30th, 2012, 09:59 AM
3Sapphires's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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What I do when the "he yours favorites" start. I say "your my favorite 5 year old, and he's my favorite 3 year old" so that is one solution! LOL

as for the rest, I'm in the same boat. my lap is only so big, where will everyone fit?

I'm sure all will work out though - it always does!
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  #5  
March 30th, 2012, 10:03 AM
AmyT's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I totally know how you are feeling! I have had many days thinking like this! The only thing for me is I keep reminding myself this baby will be 5 years younger than my youngest, so hopefully that will curb some of the fighting/jealousy that comes with siblings. Both of my other kids will be in school all day and I'll at least get some down time with just baby. Finger's crossed for both of us that the transition from 2 to 3 isn't as bad as we worry it might be
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  #6  
March 30th, 2012, 10:35 AM
karenwalter's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I only have 1 so I don't really have any advice, but if it makes you feel any better I did grow up with 2 siblings so we were a family or 3 kids.

I never remember there not being room on my parents laps or being unhappy about getting outvoted on a movie. It was great because there was always someone to play with even if one sibling had a friend over or was gone at a friends house. We all loved to play together and I would imagine it wouldn't have been too much different if there were only 2 of us. In fact, I have a desire for 3 kids because it was so great. I'm sure it will be the same with your kids and the third one will fit right in.

Plus my mom said it was waaaaaaaay easier to go from 2-3 than from 1-2.
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  #7  
March 30th, 2012, 11:04 AM
amazing_love's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm sure the women with 3 or more kids will have more helpful advice but i wanted to send some hugs your way. I think what you're feeling is completely normal since its so new and right now you only know what you've been used to. I keep wondering how in the world i'm going to juggle and toddler and newborn but i know i'll figure it out. Just like you've thought of ways to keep your kids happy and balanced you will do the same with three. I know it will work out and you'll think of things when the time comes. I came from a family of 8 (6 kids) so to me 3 seems very manageable. I plan to have 3 because i feel that is the number i can handle and keep happy while giving enough attention to my husband as well. I see no problem with people having more or less, this is just the number i'm comfortable with.

I was always used to chaos and noise in my house growing up. Of course since there were so many of us some wanted to do one thing while others wanted to do another. Sometimes we'd have some go to a movie while the rest stayed home and played games but mostly it was learning that you can't always have everything you want which turned out to be a wonderful lesson! So I might not have been able to do what i wanted one day but next time it would be my turn to choose. There are lots of options and i'm sure you'll do great
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  #8  
March 30th, 2012, 11:16 AM
morethanamom4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have three and going from 2 to 3 wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. You naturally just find a way to get them all on top of you lol. None of my kids have asked who the favorite is, or called one another the favorite. Maybe that'll happen when they're older? IDK. I don't remember ever saying that to my parents and only when I was a teenager (I have a brother, 2 sisters, 6 step brothers and 2 step sisters...lol). For now I just constantly tell them the things I love about them without being provoked. My parents always made sure to say they loved us, we always hug and kiss goodbye. To this day my dad still calls me his number 1 lol as I'm the oldest (my poor brother gets to be the number two HAHA!) but then my next sister is his pet and the littlest is his baby. *shrug* So it's all how you make it now.

Don't worry about it. Things will naturally settle. There isn't a night that goes by I don't have a child on either side and one in my lap (and the order is always changing. No one has a "spot"). I switch their seats up at dinner time, rotating who sits where. You'll do fine.

> Says the mom of soon to be four...who also feels overwhelmed a bit it's normal!
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  #9  
March 30th, 2012, 11:18 AM
palmetto_moon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Kelly,
You are going to do great! Your feelings are totally normal and I think that every mom who has made the jump from two to three has felt this way at some point. I also think that all of us have had that "what have I done!" moment when we contemplate the changes a new baby will bring. I know I do every single time.

I know that you are a woman of faith so I hope that this doesn't seem out of line..it's just how I feel and not meant as a judgement of any other families or lifestyles or any other religious beliefs....

God tells us that children are a reward and a heritage from the Lord. He says that Like arrows in the hands of a warrior, so are the children's of one's youth...blessed is the man who's quiver is full of them. Thus, I feel very confident that He also equips us emotionally and spritually to meet the needs of each child He gifts us with. I feel that love multiplies with each child we have rather than divides and I like to look at the analogy that the way that God is able to love each and every one of His children and make time for each of us and how we can completely depend on Him, to the fact that we will be able to meet the needs for love and attention of each child that He entrusts to our care. Okay so I can't make that sound right but you get the point....
All of those logistic concerns solve themselves pretty easily. You'll be shocked at all the ways that the kids can find to fit in your arms together! For each issue that comes up as a result of another family member being added, other issues are resolved. For example, more children does equal more arguments, more sibling sqabbles ect but it also equals more opportunity for children to learn problem solving, sharing, prioritizing and conflict resolution. When more kids are involved, they are more likely to work things out amongst themselves or move onto another sibling to play with rather than needing to come only to you for resolution.

You hear a lot less "I'm bored...there's nothing to do," because among more siblings, you can usually find someone to play with you and someone to hang out with.

I think you are in a very unique situation because you are having to deal with the prospect of having to do this by yourself which I can only imagine must add so much more apprehension and fear. I am still praying for you that things turn around and work out. I think that you are a fabulous mom, a very strong woman and an amazing person. You will be able to handle another baby probably with much more ease than you are giving yourself credit for. Raising any number of children is never easy, but it isn't necessarily true that your work load multiplies exponentially with every child you have. Look at it this way...you already cook dinner...it's not like you have to cook three dinners now...you just have to make enough for one more. You already do bath night. You are just bathing one more. You already have to buckle up kids in car seats...now you'll have to just do one more...you see where I'm going, LOL? It is more work, for sure, but its not three times as hard, if that makes sense.
I think you are amazingly strong and wise and brave. I think you'll do a fabulous job with all three of your children.

ETA...I totally agree with what Krista wrote. It is a wonderful lesson when kids grow up learning that you can't always get everything you want and you can't always have what someone else has. Take for example the cookie analogy. With two kids, you simply split the cookie. WIth more children, you have to be more creative and kids benefit by learning important lessons. For example, maybe someone gets the cookie and toher kids get something else, or in our case, since we have ten our kids just learn that "hey there was one cookie....Alex asked for it, I gave it to her, maybe next time we'er at the store, we'll buy some more." They learn that just b/c one child has something it doesn't mean everyone else has to have it too. In the wash, over the long haul, it equals out but it's important that kids learn that in life someone will always have something that we don't right now and that's okay....
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Last edited by palmetto_moon; March 30th, 2012 at 11:23 AM.
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  #10  
March 30th, 2012, 11:19 AM
Sprinkle 2010's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hugs!
I have no advice on the parenting end of it. I am welcoming #2 into out family and am have concerns about that. But I did come from a family where I was the oldest of 3. I never felt like I was left out or that my parents didn't have time for me. When my youngest brother was born, I remember feeling so helpful because my mom would ask me to help do things for him and my other brother. I think keeping the kids involved in helping each other helps fill that void and creates a strong sibling bond.

Good luck, I know you will find plenty of love, time and lap space for all of them! An on vacation, that's what roll-away bed are for!
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  #11  
March 30th, 2012, 11:25 AM
RunningMommyTo5's Avatar Marathoning Mom to 4!
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Awww, hun!!!! I'm sorry! Your fears are completely natural, but just let me tell you that it DOES all work out. And, honestly, you really won't have to plan it out, it will just come naturally to you once the baby is here.

For the things like picking movies, I have all boys and they still disagree. So, since we do movie nights once a weeks, we rotate whose turn it is to pick, and that solution works for a lot of things, including where to eat lunch, which park to play at, etc. They all learn to share, so the toys and time and food is not a big deal at all. Most of the time, when one of the boys has something the other doesn't to eat, I don't even have to ask, they willingly split it amongst the three of them. You're teaching them these lessons anyway, so they won't change simply because there's a third child in the midst.

As far as the room on my lap thing, believe it or not, three big kids do fit, LOL! My older two usually sit on either side of me, cuddled up really close, and the "baby" (really 20 month old) sits on my lap. They all hug me and each other because they, when their in a loving mood like that anyway, will want to share the love, so to speak. When I have Bailey, it'll be the same arrangement only with my youngest on one leg, baby on other, and the boys cuddled to my side. Chances are, they will be so enamored and in love with the baby that they'll be more concerned with cuddling and loving the baby than they will you for a while if they're anything like my boys have been, LOL!

As far as making the jump for 2-3, I actually found it to be VERY easy and not much different, IMHO, than having just two. You just get into a rhythm and you know what you're doing with babies by this point and that part gets easier. It helps, too, that you already have to be in a routine for the older kids, so the baby naturally has to fall into a certain routine, too, and this usually makes for a (generally speaking, of course) happier baby, other issues like colic and reflux aside. I can honestly say I'm not at all nervous about adding a 4th because it just almost feels natural now and you know it'll work.

So, yes, your concerns and fears are completely valid, but I would say don't stress yourself out about them at all. Your a great mother and have already been wonderful with two, you know what your doing, and everything will fall into place with a third, too, probably without much effort on your part. Please feel free to PM me if you have any more specific things you'd like to ask me or if you just want to talk about it and get some more fears off your chest!!!
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  #12  
March 30th, 2012, 11:27 AM
bettyearl's Avatar Beth, mom to 4 boys
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Hi Kelly,
What you are feeling is very normal. While the first few weeks definitely are a challenge, especially in the acting out department for the older kids, it does pass and those kids won't be sad to have a little baby around. As far as wear to snuggle, the oldest naturally gets interested in different things and becomes more dependant as time goes on. And this year my oldest two are both in school. You just make a poiint of taking extra time one-on-one with each child. If you think about the positives you are sure to find them. It is perfectly okay for a child to not get what they wantevery time. Having three is fun! My boys love to pile on and snuggle. They make room, even if it isn't there, ha! And disneyland's advertising is just a gimmic to get younger families to come. You can go with any amount of people and they'll be glad to take your money. It will be a long time before you are settling arguments between the three. Most of the time it is between a pair of boys (usually my older two) and Matthew isn't even involved. There are a few more challenges with three, but you can all still fit on one back seat and you are still years away from a noticeable increase in grocery bills. The hardest thing for me, as you know and may experience yourself, was when I was all alone with that baby and two older kids and more than one of them needed me. There wasn't another parent to go help in the middle of the night, nobody to trade off with, to ever give me a brreak. Emotionally alone too. It was rough and Matthew was colicky to boot, but I stayed positive and we made it through. Those first months are the most difficult, but somehow you make it through and then having three seems just as natural as breathing until you try and explain how it all works to a babysitter, ha!

Try not to worry about your other children. They will adjust faster than you do and looooove having that baby to make laugh. I think expressing these feeling to yyour husband might be good., if you feel like he still thinks your head is in the clouds. I don't know, maybe he would discourage you further.by the way, is your private messaging function still not working? I tried sending one to you but didn't hear back from you.
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  #13  
March 30th, 2012, 12:18 PM
DaniM0820's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have nothing to add from personal experience, but my mom said going from 2-3 was easy. It was 1-2 that was the difficult part. HTH
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  #14  
March 30th, 2012, 12:34 PM
curlygirl77's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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the other ladies have given you great advice. i am pregnant with our fifth and i will say that going from 1-2 kids was hard for me, but going to 3 and thn 4 was really no problem. honestly, you will figure it all out when the baby arrives. you will naturally make room for the new little person in your life and your kids will adjust. i have two boys and two girls and there will always be arguments no matter the gender. you can still go to Disney lol, you will just be paying a little extra! i know everything seems overwhelming right now but you seem like a very strong person and you will do great
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  #15  
March 30th, 2012, 01:38 PM
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We have 3 ( ages 5, 3 and 1 and a half) and are expecting number 4. Transition at first is always a bit new but just as you are taking care of the 2 you will feel just like that when number 3 joins the party. It is all grace and I believe that God always provides that for us moms. if you ever want to chat just let me know. I am not a perfect mom but I would be happy to tell you about our busy but wonderfuul life with our kids!
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  #16  
March 30th, 2012, 02:54 PM
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Ok, I'm going to be perfectly honest here...I come from a family of 3, I have a brother who is 1 year older than me and a sister who is 2 years younger than me.

when I was little, I was jealous. My mom would put my sister in her lap and have my brother and me on her sides...but I wanted to be in her lap. When we traveled, she would let my sister sleep on her because she was the baby, and I wanted to sleep on her. this lasted a long time because even when we were a bit older, my sister was still "the baby" even if she wasn't a baby, you know?

Anyway, my brother and I were great friends when we were younger but when I got older I somehow got it in my head that girls were better than boys and I got along really well with my sister and didn't want anything to do with my brother anymore. I always felt like he was trying to ruin our games.

So...all that to say that I love my sister LOL she is my best friend and I can't imagine life without her. but I was jealous when she was younger. But I'm over it now...mostly
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  #17  
March 31st, 2012, 07:10 AM
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Thank you girls SOOOO much for your beautiful thoughts and encouragement.

I'm actually a little surprised that I let myself feel this way. The Lord tells me so many times in His Word not to fear or be anxious or be dismayed. I know He is there for me and will help me and keep me strong. It is comforting to know that these feelings are normal, and I'm not alone in feeling them. So I really appreciate all of you. **HUGS**
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  #18  
March 31st, 2012, 07:43 PM
Kierasmom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I found going from 2 to 3 kids extremely easy. It was worse going from 1 to 2. Just because some people have a problem with it don't mean you will.

I have a lot kids, and if I only have one cookie then WE make more(now we all spent time together and everyone has cookies). When they watch movies majority does not rule. Girls have a turn, then boys have a turn if they don't all agree on it. Most of the time the girls like what the boys like(and vice versa) and I almost never have to make them choose(maybe when they're older it will be tougher). They rarely all want my attention at once, but if it were to happen then I would try to involve them all in something we could do together. I spend one on one time with them all most days in an effort to avoid anyone feeling left out, or needy of more time. I try not to take sides. If they can't get along then they have to spend time together and fix it. I mediate but try to let them work it out(as long as they aren't acting out of control). Being able to resolve conflict is a life skill, and it's important to learn to do that as soon as possible. Vacations are geared towards families of 4, so you won't get the "deals" but one extra child is not going to cost you that much more.

God gave you this child because he knew you could handle it! I think you will do great. It's only natural to worry....that's what good mothers do.
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  #19  
March 31st, 2012, 08:46 PM
RedRose_xo's Avatar Veteran
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No advice here as I only have 1 kiddo, but lots of virtual hugs! This is exactly how I feel about having a second.
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  #20  
April 1st, 2012, 06:55 AM
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Honestly..Don't listen to your friends..I have 3 soon to be 4 and so does my sister..I don't find it any more difficult than when I had 2..When an issue over a movie arises I pick a family movie that is non gender specific..(not that it matters a son right now because my only girl is 6 months old) and as far as the who gets to sit next to mommy thing..you'll probably find they will want to sit more next to the baby than mom or dad..LOL..my boys fight over who gets to sit next to my daughter in the car so we ended up putting her in the middle(until we get our van)..
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