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My laundry list of complaints and concerns- advice would be great!


Forum: July, August & September 2012 Playroom

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  • 1 Post By RunningMommyTo5

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  #1  
April 6th, 2012, 05:57 AM
Sigyl's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 194
1) I have ZERO appetite. I lost a lot of weight in the first trimester and my desire to eat three meals a day just never came back when the m/s went away. I am now losing a pound a week. Which isn't so bad because I'm overweight, but I am now growing concerned that I can't even finish a sandwich. It's not a matter of forcing myself to eat, if I do that I get sick.

2) I have migraines. Not bad headaches that a nap will cure, I have migraines that ease up now and then but don't go away. This has been a problem for since childhood and this time of year with rain, mold, pollen, grass, etc is the worst. I have a battery of medicines I'm no longer allowed to take. My doctor said that Tylenol and Benadryl was it for me. I've been trying to make due for 3 weeks now but I am reaching my limit. And Tylenol for a migraine is like a bandaide for a gunshot wound. It's just not enough to really make a difference.

3) The first two could be made a bit easier if my husband would step up to the plate. He gets after me for not eating and doesn't care that I'm trying. He doesn't do a thing to help me either. If I have a craving for chicken or something, he doesn't offer to make or buy me something. Not that he should be my caretaker, but with my headaches and lack of interest in food you'd think he'd at least try to pitch in. Also, he doesn't seem to believe me that I have a headache every day. We've been a couple for 7 years and I've ALWAYS had headaches. I used to have meds that would help so maybe I didn't complain as much. But my history of migraines is not the excuse to be lazy like he seems to think it is.

4) SENSITIVE TOPIC. I am white, my husband is biracial (black dad, white mom). He identifies as a black man and is particularly sensitive to the woes of the black community. All of this is fine UNTIL I have a differing opinion. He actually YELLED at me last night because I was reading an article about the media spin on the Trayvon Martin case. He refuses to acknowledge that there are two sides to any story when one side is a black victim. It's always been like this. He make jokes about white people and jews (I am both), but the second I go "I met a black lady at the store wearing the same outfit as me" he gets all offended that I dared bring her race into it. I've had to tip toe around it for years.

5) While typing this message, I got so upset over my situation that I threw up for the first time in weeks. I had no idea that would happen. Now I just lost my 2 bites of granola, my tylenol for the morning and my husband asked me to keep it down because he was sleeping...

I really just want to go home to my family.
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  #2  
April 6th, 2012, 06:16 AM
Lyz's Avatar
Lyz Lyz is offline
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Did you talk to your dr about the lack of eating and losing weight?

I suffer from allergies that always gives me headaces...my go to is usually Allegra D and aleve....two things I can't take! MY dr said Claritin D was safe so I take that and although it doesn't help as well, it does something and alleviates a bit of my allergies. Can you try that? It may help and not make you drowsy like benedryl.

I've been getting headache almost daily and it's totally because of the weather. I had one really bad yesterday and was complaining like no other

Are you nauseous? Can you take zofran or reglan to help you when you eat? What about drink? Can you do protein shakes?

I would talk with your hubby and explain to him how you feel. It's no good that you are upset and aren't talking about it. Maybe he'll understand if you talk sensibly about it.
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  #3  
April 6th, 2012, 06:29 AM
3Sapphires's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I have also been loosing about a pound a week, but being "morbidly obese" I'm not worried. I have lost a lot of weight will all of my pregnancies. If your doc isn't worried about the weight loss, I would try not to worry also.

As for the migraines, I am sure there are meds that can be taken, you will need to express the severity of them, so your doctor realizes these aren't just minor headaches.

The Man issues I can't help with, my DH and are on the same page 98% of the time, if I had to tip toe around him I would have left.
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  #4  
April 6th, 2012, 06:41 AM
RunningMommyTo5's Avatar Marathoning Mom to 4!
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I'm so sorry about everything.

On 1&2, I can totally empathize with you as I'm going through the same thing. I finally came to the point where I eat tiny amounts of food throughout the day and cam maintain my weight, but I still haven't gained. Due to my M/S I'm still down from my pre-pregnancy weight and everyone says that they can see it in my face, that it looks gaunt. Geez....thanks. Just keep trying to eat what small amounts you can. I finally got a little relief and stopped throwing up in the 16th wk, so hopefully you will too. I agree with Lyz's advice. Definitely talk to your dr and see what they can recommend for you. The headaches are no joke. I'm like you and have a constant headache that eases up some days, but never truly goes away. I'm forced to take naps when it gets too intense, but I wake up feeling no better usually. I'm no help there as I'm just suffering right now. Between the allergens and the hormones, it gets pretty bad, migraine wise.


3&4-I'm so sorry about this as well and the added stress it's causing you. Would he agree to talk to someone who can help, a couple's counselor or therapist, etc? It sounds like it may be time to bring in a neutral third party to help him understand where you're coming from and how it's making you feel, as well as you two getting some techniques to talk through your issues instead of you just holding everything back for fear of hurting him or avoiding conflict. I have a friend who is also like that. We get along great most of the time, but the fact of the matter is she has a really strong personality that has nothing to do with her skin color, yet whenever anyone disagrees with her or seems to not like her, she automatically says it's because she's black, which is totally not the case. Luckily since we are friends, I can avoid these topics with her and avoid her altogether when she's in a particularly bad mood, but unfortunately you can't nor should you do that in your relationship. I hope that you two can find some common ground solutions to help you to both be able to express your honest opinions, disagree, and still have a healthy, loving relationship.
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  #5  
April 6th, 2012, 08:54 AM
momma_d's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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1 & 2 - I really understand where you are coming from with these. In my last pregnancy I had ZERO appetite. My Dr. always told me to eat whatever sounded good. Which was usually nothing even remotely healthy. I survived on grilled cheese and pizza lunchables. Feel free to get creative here. Can you drink smoothies or milkshakes? They may not be the healthiest, but it's something in your belly. I also get migraines, and had a nasty bout with them between 12-14 weeks. Nothing helped. Usually I can go lay down with an ice pack on my head in a dark room and take some ibuprofen and sleep it off until it's gone, but these,
nothing was bringing relief and I totally agree with what you said about the band-aid on a gunshot wound, that is totally how I felt about it too! I would definitely ask your Dr. if there is anything else you can try being how severe it is.

as for 3&4- I'm not sure how to even go about this. I haven't really been in a situation like that so I can't really offer up any advice. I agree with what Katie said though about seeing a counselor.

I hope things start looking up for you! Being pregnant on top of stress is never a good combination!
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  #6  
April 6th, 2012, 01:43 PM
curlygirl77's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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i'm sorry you're having a hard time right now. hormones and nausea and constant headaches are probably exacerbating the problems with your partner. there are days when i absolutely cannot stand to be around my dh lately, certain habits he has which were tolerable to me before now irritate the cr@p out of me!

as far as he headaches, do you drink enough? i know dehydration can make them worse. and definitely talk to your dr.. cry and scream if you have to and let them know how bad your migraines are. you shouldn't have to suffer debilitating headaches every single day. <hugs>
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  #7  
April 6th, 2012, 02:24 PM
Sigyl's Avatar Veteran
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Thank you everyone for the support! I'm glad I'm alone in the first categories and the latter complaints are just something extra fun to deal with.

I guess it boils down that my husband is tired of "dealing" with a pregnant wife. We talked about it a little bit this afternoon and he just had this picture of me glowing with maternal joy all the time. I honestly think he pictured me happily scrubbing floors with my blossoming belly and overwhelming joy at the miracle of our first child.

Not that I feel sorry for him in the least on this topic. He's tired of "listening" to my complaints, he hasn't had to actually deal with them first hand. I would LOVE to switch places for awhile and let him take a turn feeling like this.
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